I Went on 50 First Dates Before I Found My Husband
The real story behind the Tinder Chronicles
When I graduated from college in 2015, I had never been on a date. Not one.
That was probably due more to my own fears of dating (fully resolved thanks to hypnotherapy) than anything else. At 22, I was finally ready to start dating.
I didn’t waste much time. Once I got to Atlanta for graduate school in August of 2015, I hopped right on to Tinder (like 48% of my fellow 18- to 29-year-olds) and started swiping.
Serial dating can be extremely fun…
From August 2015 to December 2016, I went on 3–4 dates per week, on average. I should stress that the overwhelming majority of these were first dates.
Here’s how it would typically go: I’d be swiping, I’d match with someone, we’d chat for awhile, and then they’d either ask me out or, if I liked them and they weren’t making a move, I’d ask them out. My dates generally followed the same pattern: meet up for drinks around 8pm, chat and see if we click, then home by 10 or 10:30 pm.
If things went well, maybe we’d go on a second date. I often found, however, that while I generally enjoyed my dates, I didn’t feel strongly enough to try to meet up again. Most of the time, the other person felt the same, and we sort of mutually ghosted each other. If that didn’t happen — as in, the other person wanted to see me again but I wasn’t feeling it — I let them down politely and gently: “You’re a great guy and I had a lovely time with you, but I just don’t think we’re a great fit.” If it was the other way around and they let me down, I moved on.
Unexpected benefits of rapid-fire dating
Sure, you meet a lot of new people, and surely with a sample size large enough you’re apt to find someone you’re interested in. Beyond that, there are a ton of unexpected benefits to dating this way.
You can:
- Explore a new city where you don’t already know anyone and find the local hot spots
- Get a chance to do something fun not by yourself
- Practice conversational skills (this really helped me with business interviews and networking later on — I was so used to meeting new people and starting conversations that my social anxiety melted away and I felt more confident than ever!)
- Experience the pure joy of human connection, even (or maybe especially) in the absence of anything romantic
- Disconnect from your screens and other devices
…as long as you stay safe
I should note that dating so many strangers is only fun if you feel safe. I had several measures in place to make sure I always felt secure:
- Before every date, I would send my mom a picture of the guy and his name. I texted her before I left and when I got home. Her rule with me was that if she hadn’t heard from me by 9am the next morning, she would call the police. (Luckily that never happened.)
- I pretty much always drove my own car to and from a date, or used Uber if parking was going to be an issue.
- I never left my drink unattended. If I had to go to the bathroom, I made sure I finished my beverage first.
- I always met a new person for the first time in a public space, whether that be a bar, a restaurant, a movie theater, a park, or an art museum.
The Tinder Chronicles: the true story
I’ve been writing and publishing one episode of The Tinder Chronicles every Friday for a few months now.
While these are all fictionalized to some degree, every single one is based on a true story. Most of these dates were my own, but I also sourced some bad date stories from friends and family.
Which brings me to a final unexpected benefit of serial dating: even if the date is bad, you can get a heck of a good story out of it.
My days of rapid-fire dating came to an end in early 2017 after I went on a Tinder date (of course) with the man who would become my husband. When I met Ryan, I could tell that I’d found someone truly remarkable. There was no question in my mind of ‘What if there’s someone else out there for me?’ I felt confident in myself and in our relationship in a way that might not have been possible if I hadn’t had so many dating experiences.
We became exclusive after two months, and he asked me to marry him barely 10 months after that. We’ve now been happily married for over two and a half years, and let me tell you something: I am SO GLAD I swiped right, and I’m also SO GLAD I went on so many interesting, funny, boring, weird, confusing, romantic, and ridiculous dates before I settled down.