I Was Wrong — This is Actually the Most Whackadoodle American Shit Ever
Florida Man — proof that the citizens of the USA do have a sense of humour
I thought…
But I was wrong. A. McNabb commented I’d forgotten the many tales of Florida Man.
Who?
Florida Man is a meme. He’s taken from unrelated news articles about Floridians, their crackpot behaviour, crimes, and occurrences.
Florida is notorious for strange and unusual events.
Oh, boy! I had some fun researching these. 🤣🤣🤣
Florida man arrested after calling 911 to report his methamphetamine was fake.
Seriously?
This middle-aged guy buys drugs and suspects they have sold him bath salts. So he calls the police to report the dealer. Except, when they tested it, it was the real (illegal) deal.
On being arrested, he gripped his chest and feigned a heart attack. They took him to the hospital, where the doctors said he was fine.
Two counts of stupid.
Pissing into the wind
Gun owners in Florida vowed to respond to Hurricane Irma by “shooting at” the storm.
As Hurricane Irma bore down on Florida, tens of thousands of people joined in an event, advertised on Facebook, to shoot at the storm.
When asked what he was doing, a Florida man said, “We shoot first”.
Here’s an idea — let them keep their guns, but charge them $100 per bullet. Maybe they’d think twice about killing a cloud if it got expensive.
If you are going to get caught with your pants down
A Florida Highway Patrol trooper charged a man for driving with a suspended license. The trooper offered him and his girlfriend a lift to town so they wouldn't be stranded.
They got in the back of his patrol car and the girlfriend asked the trooper, “What if I suck his dick back here?”
The cop warned her against carrying out any sex act. She must have been keen on making her ‘Only Fans’ video because she asked again — only to be told a categorical “no.”
The trooper left them for a minute to check that their car was secure. As soon as he closed the door, the man took out his penis and the girlfriend performed oral sex — only taking a breath to shout, “Fuck Five-O.”
The man yelled, “Can ya’ll hear me? She’s sucking dick in the back of a State Trooper right now.”
The trooper was able to produce evidence of the event as the prisoner compartment was fitted with a camera, which records everything.
Ban on the banners
In Walton County, Florida, it is illegal to display a political sign or banner at the end of a political campaign. The legislators give their residents a fortnight to have them removed.
A Florida man faces a daily fine of $50 for displaying a banner proclaiming “Trump Won,” and has no intention of removing his banner.
He said, “I can easily pay the fine.”
Dances with Wolfes
Deputies pulled over a 57-year-old Florida man (surname Wolfe) following a traffic violation. Wolfe exited his vehicle, removed a knife from his waistband, and threw it onto the grass verge.
He asked the police officers what they were scared of and refused to return to his car. He began mocking the officers, then dancing and twerking at them. He had to be zapped with a Taser before he could be arrested.
A walker captured the incident on video and later shared it on social media, where it has collected over 28,000 views.
Drunk alligators are dangerous
Two Florida men were charged with one felony count each for unlawfully taking an alligator.
Nobody is sure what they were trying to achieve or why. One held onto the alligator while the other poured beer into the animal’s mouth and teased the animal by trying to make it bite his arm.
The incident was recorded on video and shows the reptile displaying aggressive behaviour when it tasted the beer.
It’s not known what beer the men were drinking.
Apologies to all Floridians
I’m guessing every state could have their own ‘man’. It’s probably not nice to think of the Sunshine State as full of idiots. Idiots are everywhere — I do not limit them to the USA.
We have them in Scotland.
On a trip to Edinburgh, one of my mates had a little too much to drink. He disappeared into the toilet, literally. When he didn’t come back, we went looking but couldn’t find him. He didn’t answer his mobile.
I kept trying, and after an hour, he eventually answered.
“What’s happened to you?”
“I’msh drunk.” He affirmed.
“Where are you?”
“I don’t know, but I can see the castle from where I’m lying.”
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