I Was “UNAWARE” Is The Lie White People Keep Telling

Whites were never UNAWARE — just unwilling to admit you’ve been complicit all along

I can’t count the articles, notes, comments, with the lie, “I was unaware” of my privilege. I was unaware that my life was built on the blood, back, grief, terror, and hell your Black family was forced to endure.

I was unaware that I owe my life of everything, a good job, a good or not good education that bought the home I live in, the ability to get a job that pays relatively well, with or without a good education because you, precisely you, a Black person could not.

That’s a lie.

You are and have been lying to yourself. You knew. You’ve always known. What you refuse to admit is that you’ve always known. And as long as you’re willing to keep lying to yourself via that one dishonest word, “UNAWARE,” we’re never going to get to the truth. We’re never going to get real.

Let’s rip this filthy bandage off

Do you want to be Black? Do you honestly want to switch places with me or any other Black person and Be Black? Not use a tanning bed, a spray, or shoe polish, but to exist as a Black person, with no hidden exit to take you out of the game when it gets too hard being Black?

Do you want to walk down the street and be openly gawked at, or judged because a white person deems you out of place? Then makes certain you know you don’t belong here? Because if you’ve answered no, or that no, was the first thing that popped into your mind, then you know you were not unaware. You knew.

You’ve always known that Black was unacceptable. Whether your parents said it out loud or gave you the cues that taught you this from the time you were little. They had no Black friends, they had one Black friend, they spoke about Black people and it was awkward, they didn’t speak about Black people when they should have and it was awkward.

Whatever your family and friends did to indicate discomfort with Black people, taught you that you knew Being Black wasn’t a good thing to be.

So, you knew. What you weren’t ready to do with all that knowing, was admit the truth to yourself and out loud. “Unaware,” is the same thing. It’s you easing yourself over to the side of “I always knew, but I need a little space here to forgive myself so I can look myself in the eyes and not be completely disgusted and horrified with what I’ve done.”

That’s the meaning of your unawareness. Unaware — is your stepping stone to save yourself pain. It’s your wiggle room. A way to sweeten the truth, make it easier to swallow.

It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie.

A big whopping, glaring, pustule. It’s a massive zit you can’t cover. But you do try. When all the perfumes, soaps, and astringents don’t work, “unaware” is the new mask you put on.

When you tell your story of your journey to awareness, and you tell a Black person that you were unaware, they, we know you’re lying. And the worst thing is, you’re asking that we live yet another exhausting lie with you.

You’re asking too much. You’re asking for more concessions. You’re asking the Black person to absolve you of your guilt. You’re demanding more from us. Demanding that we continue to carry your sins.

Do you think you’re any better than those screaming MAGA, book burning, CRT scared of smelling their own shit, fascist slaves? If you’re prattling on about “unaware,” you’re right there with them. They’re your foot soldiers protecting you from facing the horrors you’ve done.

Isn’t it time for you to grow the fuck up and take responsibility for the monster you are? Look at yourself. You are the monster. No need to say the name seven times to call it forth, you’re already here in full-on monster regalia.

If you really, authentically want to get to the other side of your whiteness, admit who you are. Admit that you’ve always known that your health, happiness, home, life, and every fucking goddamn thing you have has come at the expense of our Black lives. But do not dare tell a Black person that you are unaware. That is a step waaay too far. That’s another burden no Black person should be asked to carry for your selfish inability to own up to your own crimes and guilt.

Getting to any semblance of humanity means letting your shame consume and destroy you. Let it slam you into nothing. Let it eat your entrails and drag you to hell. Let it dissolve your unworthy, lying ass. Because as you now are, you are an unholy, unworthy, indecent aberration. You are an affront to nature. The grotesquerie that hides in the shadows because the sun abhors you. Because that is what it will take. That’s what you have to go through to see if you can be made into something that has a chance of being worthy.

And if you can’t go through that journey, you are not entitled to use the word unaware. Because you are, aware. And if you can and do go through the fire you set up for yourself because of the choices you made, then honesty would compel you to never use “unaware.”

And if you can’t endure your remaking, the word you're looking for is, Coward.