I Was Sober Enough

I was sober enough to keep myself from falling off the platform and onto the tracks. Good girl, Madges. And I was overly observant to make sure I was on the uptown vs. downtown side. But I could not stop looking at him.

It was sweet of me to offer to bring him along as my +1, but I think we all know I was more than just happy to have the company. I wanted him. I loved walking in with him and getting to sit in the VIP section, while Mac was there too, but just working as a volunteer.

“Drinks?!”

What, free drinks?! “Yesplease.” Not much of a drinker, but tonight’s a good night as any and the signature cocktail sounds pretty damn delicious. Wow, that bartender went heavy on the vodka. Mmm, thankyousir! Was he just eyeball flirting with me? Arm candy certainly seems to be working its magic.

There’s some time before the show starts, go mingle! It’s rare I have the courage to be this social. Let’s just fucking go for it. There are tons of people I know here. Wonder if they’ll think Tóti is with-me with me? I do not mind that assumption.

They all know he has a girlfriend, sassy. Don’t get too cocky. Whatever, just have fun. “Hey, should we go find our seats to put down our swag bags?” Wow, this is pretty boss. It’s not a “table,” celebs and donors get those, but I like the view from here, kinda above everyone. He looks damn hot tonight. Yep, every 👏🏽 one 👏🏽 can see us.

He is a sweetheart and can’t stop thanking me for the extra ticket. Real talk, I totally woulda flown solo tonight if he didn’t come. It’s been a while since I’ve dated and my fuckbuddy is officially off-the-market. “I have another drink ticket, you want more?” Yeah, I’ll get ‘em, no big, I’ll be right back. I might as well hit the head while up. Shh, jeebus TMI he does not need to know.

There’s Mac. I’ll poke him on my way by and say hi. No wait, right, he’s kinda weird about touching. Maybe I’ll just stand by him and wait for him to see me. Fuck, he’s just watching the show. And now I’m way too close and this is awkward. “Hey! You having fun?” Ugh, why do I feel so damn weird around him, he never gets your humor. Meanwhile Tóti’s been laughing his ass off with me all night. Fuckit, eject Madge. “Gonna get another drink before I head back to VIP. See you at the afterparty?” Blech. Damn it, I shoulda just ignored him. Let him be.

Walking to the afterparty is a post-show adventure with how silly we are both right now. Tóti is making me laugh, which is the biggest turn-on for me. My head is such a mix of feels but yeah, I am loving him holding onto my arm as we both giddily stumble down the block. We keep exchanging glances and making eyes. There is something there. More than just alcohol.

I’m being really good, despite my overwhelming urge to be bad. I am sober enough to remember being the girl-who-disrespects-the-girlfriend-factor would make me a huge twat. And he’s too sweet to end up with a twat.

It was good that I said no when he playfully joked about playing kiss chicken. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back from following through with an actual kiss. And then blaming the alcohol if he was not into it or got upset. I could blame the booze. But I know better.

The afterparty was hella-fun and Tóti and I danced our fuckin’ asses off. Yeah, I love when people are shocked that I got moves on the dance floor. Those years in the high school dance troupe may have gotten me zero love back then, but dayum do dudes love it now! “Oh”s and an occasional “oh shit!”

Tóti noticed. Maybe Mac too, I caught a glimpse of him but was too into the song to care. I was actually having fun for once. Platonic fun, but shit, I haven’t felt this good in a while. Get it, chica. The drinks kept coming after all the dancing, so good on me for making sure Tóti got to his train home in time. If he didn’t make it, no big, I could give him a ride home in my car a little later. Once I was sober enough. Lyft was close by, no worries. “Here’s your stop.”

“I think the Lyft driver was checking me out…” He is full-on bedroom eyes at me on the platform now. May be just bloodshot from such cocktail consumption.

“He was?”

“I dunno. Thanks for a fun night. I can’t remember the last time I danced.”

“You’re pretty…” oh fuck “…good.” Phew. I cannot handle a flirt right now. If he makes a move, I’m fucked. “Hey, thanks again for the ticket. That was really sweet.”

“Anytime.”

The platform is quiet except a few stray uptowners. There might have been a homeless guy on the downtown side. Or a really shit-faced granola-looking dude. I really don’t remember anyone but Tóti and me exchanging way too many glances while we looked down the still-empty tunnel.

Two stops downtown is where I attempted a move on Mac a week or so ago. He didn’t say anything, but his scuttle away was enough to know he was not into me. What the fuck is with me and guys waiting for trains! One last look at him and I’m calling it a night.

The sound of the train horn startles us both and we are back to giggling fools. We are those people. The obnoxious idiots having way too much fun for what I’m sure is a late-night ride home for some. He holds my hand as we get on the train. And lets go when we sit.

I’m usually pretty good about popping an aspirin and drinking water before crashing after drinking, but I cannot for the love of me recall if any of that happened. The broken slat on my blinds is fucking with me yet again, shooting a ray of bright-ass sun across my pillow and onto my face.

I pull the covers over my head and the groan from the other side of my bed nearly scares me to shit myself. My eyes pop open and I scan the nightstand for my phone. I slide my hand out to grab it in and open my texts in one ninja-silent motion.

From Tóti:

“Made it home. Thanku! Gnite.”

WT…scroll…

From fuckbuddy:

“OK. 1 last time. there in 10.”

Then his no-knock signal that he’s outside:

“xx . .”

ShitFuck! I’m the girl-who-disrespects-the-girlfriend. Twat, Madges. Huge twat.