I was only 5 years old.

I was only five years old the first time I was abused sexually. By the time I was ten, more than one person had abused me. Most of it happened in my home. My whole life I’ve lived with the memories, the questions, and the shame.

When I was in Kindergarten, my mother sent me to a neighbor’s house for help with homework. That’s where it happened. Nico was the older brother of friends I played with, in and around our apartment building in Echo Park. I remember arriving and following instructions in his parent’s bedroom. I was told to, “Just watch TV,” as he hovered over me. Chilly Willy the Penguin was playing on a medium-sized box TV, over a tall brown dresser. When I left he said, “Tell them I was showing you my Atari.”

Between the ages of seven and ten years old, I was also molested by a relative who lived in my home for a time, a man I loved and trusted. He was my favorite Uncle. He gave me gifts, money, and so much attention. Somehow, I always ended up on his lap. No-one noticed he was fondling me over my clothes.

He “groomed” me. Grooming consists of gaining the trust of a child and their parents to get access to and exploit a child.

I didn’t know what he was doing, or why, or that it was wrong. It just made me feel anxious and strange. I didn’t have the words or knowledge for any of it then.

Many red flags and cries for help went unanswered.

My discomfort and anxiety manifested itself by haunting me in my dreams. The nightmares came like clockwork, every night. In them, I arrived at school naked, without pants, or missing one shoe. I was always running looking for a place to hide. At times the dreams were an incessant tickling, which I perceive now as unwanted touching. The relentless fingers jabbing my ribs felt so real that I woke up horrified. Other times I was falling or being chased by something I couldn’t see. I tried to scream hoping my family could hear and wake me up. Nothing came out. I was voiceless.

The trauma also manifested itself through changes in my behavior at home and school. I was angry. The violent fights I had with my little brother were a matter of concern. I began lying. I once told my teacher in 3rd grade that a man was following me while at school. He parked his van outside the school gates and watched the children. It didn’t take long before they figured out I was lying and completely dropped the investigation.

As you can imagine, boys begin talking about sex at an early age. I had many boy cousins, and on one of those occasions, I told them I had had sex. I knew one of the boys told their mother because I overheard her telling my stepfather about it.

At the time, my mother and biological father were going through a scary separation because of his alcohol abuse and domestic violence. I assume now; they must have attributed what was going on with me, to the chaos between my parents.

Nobody ever asked me directly if something was happening to me.

Then, something happened. In 5th grade, I received “health education.” That was the first time (the only time) an adult had an honest conversation with me about the body, puberty, and reproduction. That was when everything changed. Something clicked, and I knew for sure that the fondling and odd games were not appropriate.

I finally had the words.

I convinced my best friend that we were both in danger and needed to make it stop. A bit confused and hesitant, she agreed to stand by my side as I confronted him. I told him, “I don’t like the way you touch us, and if you don’t stop, I am going to tell the police.”

He was shocked. Later he asked me why I had said those things. He told me I should never say those things around other people again because someone might believe it and he could get in a lot of trouble.

IT NEVER HAPPENED AGAIN.

Not to me anyway.

This happens every day to far too many children. Children you know are being abused right now by someone they trust.

THE STATISTICS ARE TERRIFYING.

According to research published by Darkness to Light, one out of every ten children will be sexually abused by the age of eighteen.

Over 90% of sexually abused children are abused by someone known by the child or family.

More than 80% of child sexual abuse incidents occur when children are in isolated, one-on-one situations with adults or other youth.

The Crimes Against Children Research Center, reports that children are most vulnerable to sexual abuse between the ages of 7 and 13.

I know from personal experience, most cases do not get reported. I didn’t tell anyone what happened to me, for years. I thought it was my fault. I had been groomed, manipulated, and kept silent. I was ashamed, confused, and didn’t have the words to express or understand it when it was happening.

You need to know. There is a real and dangerous threat preying on vulnerable children. Child sexual abuse does not know race, religion, economic status, or even gender. It only seeks to steal and destroy our precious little ones.

As adults, it is our responsibility to protect them.

While I would love for my children to remain in a world of princesses and singing animals, I have to confront the truth that they are going to hear things, see things, and experience life. I want my children to learn the sensitive issues of life from me in a safe space where they can ask questions and get accurate information. I want them to have the tools should they ever need them.

It breaks my heart every time I have to open my children’s eyes to the ugliness of our world. I fear that by educating them, I am exposing them to things they don’t yet understand. I fear I’ll say too much too soon. I fear I’ll take their innocence, the very thing I desperately want to protect.

That fear is precisely how I know I have to take some action. My children are the exact age right now at which they are at greatest risk. They are the age I was when it was happening to me.

Mothers and fathers, PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!

If you notice an adult takes great interest in playing with your child, that’s a red flag. Keep a watchful eye and trust your instincts. If you are uncomfortable with their interactions with your child, address it immediately. There is no reason for any adult to be overly touchy with your children. For example, if you don’t like someone tickling, hugging, or picking them up, tell them it makes you uncomfortable. Take charge and set those boundaries.

The worst thing that could happen if you are wrong is that you will have offended a well-meaning adult. They’ll get over it.

The best thing that could happen is that you will have alerted a predator that you are watching them. Predators usually target children in isolated situations and when they are not being watched closely.

GIVE THEM THE WORDS.

It’s never too early to begin talking to our children about this issue. Open conversations with children about body safety, sex, and boundaries is one of the best defenses against child sexual abuse. I have been talking to my kids about their bodies since they were two years old.

Look for those teachable moments to introduce the conversation. Don’t drop it on them all at once. Just a little at a time as you feel comfortable. Trust your intuition. You will know how much they are prepared to hear and in what manner.

They may not understand a lot of what you are saying at first but the more you contribute to that knowledge, over time the wiser they become. What’s more important, you have now set the stage for them to come to you on delicate topics.

Talk to them often, even when it’s uncomfortable. Answer their questions openly and honestly. The only thing they learn when we lie is that their parents lie to them.

Tell them their bodies belong to God, and that NO ONE and I mean NO ONE has the right to touch their private parts, not even their Mom or Dad (except for sanitary reasons of course).

Tell them boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. Yes, I know you’re cringing! Do it anyway! Normalize the language. Children need the right words to express themselves.

Talk to them about appropriate and inappropriate touching, playing, and talking.

Tell them adults are not perfect and they aren’t all good.

Give them permission to question and disagree with grownups.

I can’t stress this enough.

Tell them it’s okay to tell on grownups. Tell them they will never get in trouble for it and that nothing harmful will happen to them or to the people they love.

Tell them they are not allowed to play with teenagers. Considering the differences in maturity levels, language, and hormones, there is just no reason for it.

Walk them through what they should do and say if someone touches them there. Tell them to say, “DON’T TOUCH ME!” Tell them to say it loud and to run and tell a grown up.

Talk to them about secrets. Tell them it isn’t appropriate to keep secrets. Tell them if they have a secret that makes their tummy hurt (children will not recognize this is anxiety) tell them they will feel better by telling you or another adult they trust.

Finally, if your child says something happened to them, BELIEVE IT AND TAKE ACTION! Children rarely lie about sexual abuse. Their trust in you, others, and their emotional healing will significantly be impacted by how you handle the situation.

Protect them vigorously at all costs!

There are many resources out there to help you protect your children. I found the following very helpful.

If you or someone you know has been affected by child sexual abuse, please get help.

CALL 866.FOR.LIGHT OR TEXT LIGHT TO 741741

You are not alone — resources and support are available. Call to have questions answered or chat with a trained crisis counselor, 24/7 at no charge. All conversations are confidential.

Please help me share this story far and wide. Everyone with little ones in their care needs to read it.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people.” Genesis 50:20