I Was Once a Fearless Woman

I have questions that only WE can answer.

Making two raindrops race down my window, thinking the moon followed only me, and watching the same star outside every night at 3 am — I thought my life was easy.

Then came reality.

Things started making sense when I realized that the moon followed everyone, how I was always biased with choosing the fastest raindrop and celebrated the cheated victory, and how the star didn’t come to see me — it just came to the same spot every night, because that’s how it’s meant to be.

The venomous minds, that we thought were kind

Back when the calendar days felt like days, I was honest with my feelings. There was not a single “How are you?” that went by with a meaningless “I am okay”. I was once fearless, I once talked my heart, mind, and everything I felt. I wasn’t afraid of venomous minds and eyes that roamed around, digging deep into my soul — probably because I never knew how humiliating the stares actually were.

I always smiled when strangers offered the best candies, when teachers gave extra sessions in their offices (after school), and how our uncles were the ones that picked us from school. These things looked innocent and kind — I questioned how could people be this “NICE”, but nice spelled backward is Creepy — I know this now.

With a naïve look, I shrugged my shoulders after fighting my little brother, thinking I could take any men down. But men of the outer world grew stronger, smarter, and wittier than anyone in the family. Why was that? Did I get weak after my degree, or was it the fact that the world changed really fast?

It wasn’t all men

It wasn’t all men, some of them were good, very good, indeed. One taught me how to skate, the other told me that different colored M&Ms taste the same, some taught me to love and care, while the rest made me believe in friendship.

It wasn’t all men, some of them were women, who came out dressed as our best friends for a while. They were there when we were made fun of — not supporting, but laughing at us. They “jokingly” insulted us in front of people we wanted to impress — but it was all fun and games until we realized it was never fun to us.

It wasn’t all men and women; It was us too. Each time we tried looking for help on the inside, nobody answered. They gave us anxiety, depression, insecurities and took away our confidence every time we came defeated to ourselves. We were our enemies too — but we were once fearless, and everything that we are not today.

The woman card — one we never used

Being a woman is confusing. I was always accused of using a “woman card” which was never in my hands. It looked more as if people had that card against me.

Name a job, an event, or a relationship that treated you equally — and didn’t use the woman card reversed on you — I know we can’t name one.

The tag of raising your kids, and the blame that came after each mistake they made, the financial crises that came after marriage, infertility which was never in your control, birthing a girl instead of a boy, or the abnormalities a kid was born with — who got the blame? I have never seen one man being held accountable, and they shouldn’t be — but why us?

Who said they could blame women for everything that’s far from their control? Why an “overly emotional being” (as we are referred to), takes the pain, hatred, and guilt while she walks with a smile on her face? Why someone who is used to insulting stares and disgusting phrases is all we have become? Why aren’t we looked at as mothers, sisters, and daughters — why such torment?

We have so many questions and each answer requires a change, a new update in this world.

We deserve a Change

What changed? Why do people roll their eyes and ask me to grow up when I say “I want to go back to the good days”? What happened to the love that took you to the moon, the trust you could do blindly, the respect which wasn’t asked, the pinky promises which were never broken? What happened to the good people with great hearts?

Why aren’t we working for ourselves? Have we accepted our defeat? Will we let our daughters go out knowing the world now has teeth as sharp as daggers? Can you tell me that a woman won’t be held accountable for the miseries a man has to go through? Can you show me hope, can you be my hope?

We were once fearless women and we can be that again. The world won’t change, I get it — but we can. Let’s be the change that we need in this world; we have to raise our boys respecting girls, and girls respecting boys. Let’s fight for love, let’s stand against abuse.

It is time we live the right way — promise me, you will.