UNCONVENTIONAL WOMEN

I Was My Best Friend’s Pregnant Best Man

And the wedding was as crazy as you can expect, minus the alcohol for me.

In 2014, I was living in Sydney, Australia, earning my Ph.D. in Ecology and Paleontology. To my surprise, I woke up one morning with the sweet news that I had won a prestigious Predoctoral Fellowship to do part of my research at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History. I accepted the opportunity and moved to Washington, DC, for seven months without thinking about it.

I didn’t know anyone in town, but many other people were in my situation at the museum. This was the third time I had moved to a completely new country where I didn’t know anyone, so I left my comfort zone and did my best to make new friends.

I met some people at a happy hour who introduced me to some other people, and before I realized it, I was at a house party surrounded by strangers. Somehow, it came about that I was starting to practice some rock climbing, and someone at the party invited me to join his group of climbing buddies.

And here’s where Jack appeared. Jack was this guy’s most reliable climbing buddy and would never miss a practice date. Jack and I shared part of our commute to the climbing gym, so we arranged to get there together.

After much insisting on my part, we organized a climbing trip with the whole group. However, Jack was robbed the night before the trip and was not feeling his best. He also had a blue eye, which became the source of so many jokes. He considered staying home and resting.

I told him I would stay and care for him if he were not going. I asked if he needed anything. That gave him some energy and made him decide it was better to be outdoors to recover. We finally left for the climbing trip, and a beautiful friendship started.

Jack impressed me deeply. He worked for a union, but justice and advocacy were also his passions. He’d wake up early on the weekends to protest for anything he believed in. He was passionate about helping people get a more just working environment, fair pay, and basic labor rights… But he was also fun to be around, a great biking buddy and knew enough history facts to make any day out in DC super interesting.

Soon after, we met to climb Old Rag Mountain on a Sunday. Jack showed up with a hangover and not having slept at all. We took our time on our way up, and he told me about this amazing woman he had met the night before. She was beautiful and smart. She was doing a journaling internship. They had spent the night talking and getting to know each other. He was super excited to see her again SOON.

“Great,” I said! “Have you texted her yet?”… My European side expected him to be straightforward about his intentions.

He looked at me as if I was crazy. “No, you know? The three-day rule."

“That’s only if you didn’t like her that much. If you enjoyed meeting her, say it, don’t play games. She’s too smart for games,” — I replied.

Needless to say, I managed to get him to text Jess: “I had a great time; I can’t wait to see you again.”

I would ensure he texted her regularly for the next few days — nothing too crazy, maybe once a day — but I insisted that smart women won’t fall for a guy who plays it cool. We like straightforward people who are clear about their intentions. We don’t like people who make us lose our precious time.

“Jess has a very important internship at the moment. Don’t be another worry to her; be a person she feels safe around and supported by, whether this moves forward or not. She deserves it; every woman does. " I'm not sure if that’s how I articulated it, but that’s what I meant. A few months later, Jess told Jack how impressed she was by how he initially handled texting.

After they had been dating for over a month, we all met up for brunch. I remember meeting her and thinking, “Oh dear, Jack is such a lucky guy. " So I told her what I was thinking: “I couldn’t wait to meet Jack’s girlfriend!”

Did I know they hadn’t had “the conversation” yet? Maybe… But, the important thing is that day, they had the conversation. Jack called me in disbelief about how they became an actual couple because of me and how the texting had helped.

Then I told Jack he would make me his Best Man if they married. I would wear a suit and give a speech with my funny European accent. He laughed and agreed, shredding his shoulders: “If we get married? For sure! But you’ll have to wear a bowtie.” We pinky-promised.

In 2021, Jack informed me of his marriage proposal plans, and we got our wedding invitations. We weren’t living in the same city anymore, so we arranged a Zoom call to chat. Halfway through the conversation, he asked, “Silvia, would you be my best man?” I was over the moon; of course I would! He kept his promise.

Then we talked about our suits, and I popped the good news to him: “I am pregnant, so I’m not sure what size I will be for the wedding. I will need to buy my suit at the last minute. But please, don’t tell anyone; it’s still early.”

Jack kept his word. And I forgot to tell him that he could tell Jess about my pregnancy status. This information may sound irrelevant except…As I finished my speech, telling the same story you could read here, I went: “Well, that’s how you end up with a pregnant Best Man.”

Jess turned around to look at me faster than she did during her swing moves later that night and screeched, “What?! You are pregnant!”

Needless to say, it was like in the movies. I heard an “Awwww” from the crowd of well-dressed wedding attendants. I turned pale and claimed, “He didn’t tell you? Jack”

“You never gave me the thumbs up!” He defended himself.

Of course, I apologized to the crowd. I told them today wasn’t about my belly but the lovely couple. Everyone laughed, and I finished my speech by telling everyone about how amazing they were for each other. The rest of the ceremony was incredibly beautiful.

Once we were done, the Bride hugged me, excited about the news, as I kept apologizing about the incident. During the preparations, I discussed how my pants fit funny, and my blazer kept opening. All the Bride’s Maids were joking about the pregnant Best Man rocking a suit and a bowtie.

But it was one of Jess most memorable days, and she missed the information. To my surprise, though, she wasn’t mad — quite the contrary. She thought having a pregnant Best Man was unique and would bring good luck to the marriage. I love Jess’s positivity.

I was lucky that all the guests thought that Jack had the best idea to make me his Best Man, and so many came to congratulate me on my speech and news. However, not everybody in my circles was excited about the idea of a female Best Man. Some even voiced how the Bride’s family was going to take that. That wasn’t “normal.”

Well, Jess’s mom loved me and I loved her. We danced for hours, and we always inquired about each other. She thought it was amazing that society was getting more relaxed about gender norms.

As someone who hates gender stereotypes and has made a name for herself by repeatedly breaking them, I was over the moon. Can you think of a better way to put your foot down and proclaim that women belong everywhere? My children also love the story.