I Was Moved

Sometimes the universe steps in

I had to move house, the termites were eating the walls and all the wet weather was making the situation pretty dire.

The universe gave me no choice, I was moved.

Sometimes in life, we choose to change or we’re forced to, the same goes with moving, sometimes we move out of choice or the choice is made for us.

This time it was made for me, and it has helped me understand something greater about myself once more.

I am adaptable, I’m flexible, I make the most of hard situations, and it is something I’m realizing not everyone has an easy time doing.

Working on myself, my emotional and mental health, and growing the love and trust I have in myself has helped incredibly.

As I have changed, life around me has also changed and continues to. My mantra this year is all about embracing more allowance and less resistance.

I’m not fearful anymore because I’m scared, rather, sometimes I fall into the habit of feeling fear because It’s how I spent so much of my past feeling.

At times I need to check in with myself, only to realize I’m not fearful after all. I’m still working on phasing out many habitual behavioural and psychological patterns.

I asked and the universe delivered

I wanted to move, well I thought I wanted to stay, to “get my life in order.” Then in time, I realized life is never in order- who am I kidding, this is an illusion.

Today I am whole and tomorrow I will be whole. This is, as in order as I need to be. I’m glad I can let go of that outdated saying now.

What does having one’s life in order even mean?

I wanted to change, then I made the mistake of getting too caught up in planning the changes in my mind, what I would do, the steps I would take, the details. I began taking the small steps I needed for the next stage of life I felt like I was in. There is nothing wrong with this, except that I was over-planning as though the universe didn’t have a say, as though change doesn’t happen outside of me too.

Then the universe stepped in to surprise me once more.

Now I recognize being moved is a divine intervention, which ever way the universe moves me now I am grateful for, as it often plans bigger and better than I ever could for myself.

Physically moved and emotionally moved

The kindness of others is something I am learning to open myself to more and more these days. I had never even realized how closed off I was for so long.

This move for me has felt like a guiding gesture, a way of the universe saying “I’ve got your back, don’t worry.”

And also a bit of a test. Will you allow others to help you, to share with you, will you let people in again?

As I trust more and more in the benevolence of life, I notice myself softening and being moved emotionally by the love and support that surrounds me.

I now know it was always there for me, but I wasn’t tuned in to the same frequency of it- for a long time I believed I had to only be the helper never the helped. Now I understand the importance of being truthful about being both, and I feel so lucky to be helped, held, and supported, especially as I can now more clearly recognize how much I give to others as well.

I’m not fooled by outer progress

I’m no longer fooled by what progress is supposed to look like, how it appears to be is often something entirely different to what it is.

If I could go back and do it all again I would. The emotional rollercoasters, the pain, the difficulty of change, the periods of unemployment, of losing friends, jobs, money. It was all worth the internal growth I feel today. It was certainly worth it to be realigned to love and to find myself again and show up for myself with love.

To be alive is one thing but to feel alive sadly can be quite rare in this world. Everything de-sensitizes us to ourselves. We are on a treadmill running somewhere that looks different, but is the same scenario, perhaps with different people at a different place, but it is all the same.

Looping through karmic cycles until we finally get sick of our own bullshit, building up enough courage and willingness to break free.

Inner progress and outer progress are two entirely different concepts, and most people are chasing outer progress as it brings with it quicker rewards and thrills. Inner growth is a type of progress that sets you up for the long run though.

I was moved

I was moved and now I am in the most unknown point in my life I have ever been in, and somehow it feels so right. It feels as though I am meant to be here despite all the uncertainty and unknowns, despite my perceived lack of outer progress.

My life is in the least (appearing outwardly) order it has been in my whole life. Though the peace I feel at times is incredible.

Who knows how the universe may surprise me next.

Who knows where I will choose to move, or in what ways I will decide to change. Who knows how I will be moved or changed.

Whatever comes next I am ready, curious, excited. Happy and grateful not only to be alive but to also feel alive.