I Was In A Religious Cult; Here’s What It’s Like

Am I Really In A Cult?

My adolescent years were spent in a cult.

Nothing to be proud of…

I most certainly don’t recommend you join one.

But I did. It’s happened; I can’t change it…

I was there for four years.

At one point, I led my own congregation of 70+ people.

In 2019, I left.

My departure had been brewing for a few months, but I was torn…

One part of me knew the environment was no good, but the other part was sincerely devoted to the people I had been entrusted to…

Leaving when I initially wanted to — about 5 months before — would have been the biggest smack in the face for them.

In my head, I was their safe haven — the only leader in the church they could go to and not get fucked over.

My leadership status protected them…

If another predatory leader approached them with foul requests, they could get away by saying, “Kurtis said I don’t have to.”

Without that security, they were toast — and I knew it.

You would think the best solution would have been to tell them to leave, but it's not that straightforward. We can get into that another time.

January 2023 marks four years since my exit.

Here’s what it’s like to be in a cult…

Am I really in a cult?

I knew I attended a different type of church…

Not cult-like different.

But different.

Looking back, It’s crazy to think the leader used to make jokes about us being a cult when it first came to his attention that’s how the church was being labeled — “If anyone asks you if you’re in a cult, say ‘yes.’”

We all thought it was funny because he was a brazen, charismatic, outspoken character.

I can vividly remember sitting in the front row, laughing off his wild comments — maybe my dark sense of humor is to blame.

The truth is…

I never thought I was in a cult!

It only became apparent when I left and started speaking to experts like Alexander Stein.

From the outside, it’s as clear as daylight when someone close to you is in a cult, but the same is not true if you’re a member.

I always say to people, “never tell someone they’re in a cult.”

Doing so only shuts them down.

All they think is, “you don’t understand.”

Layers of an onion

Not all cult members are made equal.

It’s possible to attend a cult and remain aloof from all the shenanigans.

Think of it like an onion…

The further away you are from the core, the more baring the stench.

For example, a typical Sunday attendee may think they attend a regular church with lively youths celebrating God. If they attended on a Thursday, things would be different. They’d likely be exposed to more polarizing practices and beliefs.

But being classified as a “member” is not as simple as merely attending.

There were secret rites of passage that would solidify your status as a devoted member.

Completely submitting yourself to your leader (often financially, but it may also be time-bound) was one.

Another was conducting large evangelism drives to get new members into the church.

Other practices could thrust you to the top of the hierarchy; for example:

• Donating sizeable sums or valuable assets to leaders (who would endorse you)
• Investing a large sum of money (which is never truly invested but ties you down long term — you wouldn’t leave without your money, would you?)
• Offering your credit if you’ve got a good line (another way to tie people down long term).

Members closest to the core suffer the most from severe cognitive dissonance.

Many of them (not all) have beliefs to do right (“I will invest this money for you well”), but their actions don’t align (*buys designer clothes*).

But they are also victims.

Hear me out…

It’s debatable whether they’d carry out the actions they take if there weren’t under instruction from the leader.

This does not mean they should not suffer consequences, but it must be considered when attempting to appeal to them.

Attacking their moral standing only isolates them further.

They retreat deeper into the cult since they feel that it’s the only place they are understood.

Hearing them out and not being judgemental will eventually lead to them spewing out all the confusion going on in their mind.

Do this long enough, and they’ll come to a conclusion about whether their current environment is the right place for them — they know it’s not.

“Give me certainty.”

The world is a complex place full of unknowns.

Our brains, however, are wired to desire certainty…

This is how some of us feel psychologically safe.

Mix the knowledge of human's innate desire for certainty with absolute answers for some of the most grueling questions life can throw at you, and you have one key element of a cult.

The answers are often stated in a way to make them seem logical.

For instance, here’s a transcript of a giving drive by the leader of my old cult. His goal was to get members to part with their finances despite their current financial circumstances:

“In the world today, there are billions of people in debt. How many of them are in debt because of giving? Either you give or not, you’re still going to go in debt.”

This makes sense, right?

It’s the message behind it that’s worse.

Giving is often considered the path to financial prosperity in a capitalist society…

Providing something of value to society is how to prosper.

This message is echoed by the leaders.

It often appealed to people from deprived backgrounds who hated their financial situation.

The message gave them something extremely powerful…

HOPE.

Their thought process is along the lines of:

“If I want to be rich, I must be a giver.”

Again, this sounds pretty normal.

But “giving” in the church context had been manipulated to refer to monetary gifts donated only to the cult.

This is why many members willingly go into debt…

They aren’t thinking straight.

Many times, they aren’t thinking at all.

They’re not stupid; they’re brainwashed.

Being submissive means giving up critical thinking.

Every effort is made to suppress a member's ability to think…

If they were able to think critically about the situation they were in, they’d leave.

The indoctrination process is about gradually breaking down a person's sense of identity and ability to think rationally — practices such as excessive praying in tongues and fasting can be used to achieve this feat.

Fun fact: I completed 21 days of fasting (only water was allowed). During those 21 days, we did intense scripture readings, listened to sermons from the leader or approved people, and prayed.

Thought-terminating cliches and platitudes were also used to terminate critical thinking; here’s a few you may hear:

• “My life is not my own.”
• “Follow your leader.”
• “I can not trust myself.”
• “Sow your seed” — refers to giving monetary gifts
• “I give myself” — often used in hymns.
• etc.

These were often regurgitated to eliminate analysis when complex issues arose.

If you felt lost, you had to “disconnect and listen to the word.”

If you felt disconnected, you weren't praying enough.

The solutions were built into the problem.

Us vs. Them

We all have an evolutionary need to belong.

We want to feel like we are part of something…

This plays perfectly into the hands of cult leaders.

They use this natural human tendency to isolate members from their former lives before the cult.

One way they achieve this is by convincing the members they’re an enlightened bunch and superior to those not in the cult.

This creates an “us vs. them” mentality.

It’s also why cult members isolate themselves socially from their friends and family — hence why I say it’s a bad idea to go at them guns blazing if you want to get them out. Let them talk…

The leader has positioned the cult as the sole place of refuge from the “evil” outside world.

This is one of the reasons why members are so aggressive with their recruitment drives…

They genuinely believe they are saving people from the evil world.

My old cult even referred to the practices as “saving souls.”

There were several techniques used for recruitment…

Fancy events like “single mum’s breakfast” or “teen networking” would be hosted and paid for to get fresh people into an environment where they can eventually be lured into the cult.

Those who reject the cult’s message are considered stupid — “how could you not want to guarantee your existence?”

It’s either you’re with them, or you’re finished.

Life after the cult

Leaving the cult has been the best decision I’ve ever made, but life after hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing.

I had been isolated from the outside world for four years!

This means I hadn’t made a decision for myself for four years, and I had no friends — once you leave, you’re excommunicated.

On top of that, I didn’t have much of an education — I was a professional footballer prior — and was in too much debt to go back to school.

For some, this reality is tough, but for me, it was what I needed…

A fresh start to rethink what I want from life.

Having no friends gave me lots of free time to follow my interests without distraction or judgment.

As a result, I’ve taught myself how to code and started an online business I’ve been running for the past 2+ years.

Would I have done this if it weren’t for the bad experiences I had?

Probably not.

Thanks for reading.

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