FILLING OUT THE POLICE REPORT
I Was Gang Fucked In A Clown Car And It Wasn’t Funny!
They drove a VW Bug . . .
[WARNING — NON-CON THEMES — YOU HAVE BEEN OFFICIALLY WARNED!]
“Officer, from looking at me, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Dressed like that, she was asking to be gang fucked by Clowns.” It may surprise you to know, I’m not a Clown myself. Nor did I even do my makeup or get dressed like this.
I was just doing my morning jog. A VW bug pulled up, playing creepy circus music. A Clown leaned out the window and asked me for directions. The second I was close enough to answer his question, a giant red boxing glove extended out the window and knocked me on my ass!”
Holding up his hand, Officer Krupke asks, “Did you get the license plate?”
I ask, “Since when did they start putting them on the sides of cars? NO! I didn’t get the plate. I had a giant red boxing glove in my face.”
He asks, “How about the color? You had to have seen the color . . . and don’t tell me it was boxing glove red.”
“No, it was Clown Car yellow. Bright fucking yellow, with random flowers, balloons, and lolli-pops all over it. It has one of those aruga horn thingies.”
“A what?”
“How’d you ever become an Officer? An aruga horn . . . it goes AH-OOH-GA! Beep Beep! Get in bitch so we can fuck you!”
“So they asked you to get in and you did so willingly?”
“Oh no you don’t Krups! Don’t you even try to go there. They knocked me out!”
Krupke adds, “Now normally I wouldn’t make an assumption like that, but you’re sitting here right now, in a Police Station, with your legs spread wide and you haven’t stopped rubbing your hand around inside your daisy plastered panties since you sat down.”
“That’s because of the itching powder! Flippy must have had itching powder inside his wax lips, because he never touched me down there with his fingers.”
“Is there anything I can do to help . . . with the itching?”
“Why, do you have any anti-itch spray in your utility belt? Or did you want to lick it off?”
“Julie, please understand, I’m not the enemy here. I’m only trying to help you, while filling out this report.”
Julie licks her lips and says, “You are kinda cute. If you wanted to take care of it that second way, I’d totally let you.”
Reaching into one of his pockets, he pulls out a small can and puts it on the desk. The label says: Anti-Itch Spray.
“Really? You actually carry around a spray to help girls with itchy pussies?”
“It’s to lessen the effects of pepper spray. So what happen next?”
Julie grabs the can and quickly puts three coats on her pussy before continuing.
“Before I could get up, Binky and Noodles were standing over me, each with a balloon. Binky let his go, causing a farting noise as the air was released. Noodles released his, which dropped and popped on my face. It must have had chloroform in it, because I went out like a light.”
He breaks in, “So, Flippy, Binky and Noodles? So you knew these Clowns?”
“No . . . but after 24 hours in a small car together . . . you can’t help but become acquainted.”
“By the time I woke up, my workout outfit was gone, I was dressed like this and my body was being groped by hand’s as big as Andre the Giant and as small as Mini Me. They were anywhere and everywhere. The thick fingers were grabbing and pinching my nipples while one of the Mini arms was up to it’s elbow inside my vagina.”
Holding up his hand, Officer Krupke says, “Ok, this is really hard to believe. Andre the Giant was 7'4” and 520 lbs. before he left us.”
Julie questions, “Big fan of Andre are we? Do you have his poster on your ceiling?”
“Only the one of him in The Princess Bride. Now did any of them have any distinguishing features?”
“Do you mean like big red noses? Because they all had big red noses in addition to brightly colored hair the size of basketballs. They were all dressed as Clowns! Did you miss that part?”
“Really Julie, you need to calm down. Did you want me to get you something to drink? Maybe some water?”
“NO! The last drink I was offered shot out of Snappy’s daisy, and it wasn’t water. Still not sure if it was his urine or very runny cum?”
Taking a deep breath, “Let’s get back to the distinguishing features question. Was there anything that stood out? Something you’ve never seen before?”
“Squeaky balls.”
“What?”
“Chuckles had squeaky balls. Every time he buried his cock up my ass so far his balls would slap my pussy, they would squeak and he would laugh like Bozo the OG Clown.”
The Officer questions, “Hmmm? I see . . . and this cock of his? Just how large was it?”
“What the hell does that have to do with anything? It was massive! He stretched me out! When I fart, it just falls out and doesn’t even make a noise. Does that explain it well enough?”
“I’m sorry for going too deep Julie. It’s just the more details the better on this paper work.”
“Then why aren’t you writing any of this down Officer? Too busy working on your under that table paper work?”
Moving both hands on top the table and at least looking like he’s about to write something, “I need to ask about the torn in half, bloody Clown doll? Is he yours?”
“Sure! Yeah . . . I bring him with me every time I go jogging. His name is: Stop being so fucking stupid or I’ll tear you in half.”
Quietly writing down: [Clown doll does not belong to the victim]
“I have to admit Julie, I’m very confused and concerned by all of the blood and guts coming out of it.”
“I was also, until I realized his intestines were made out of jello jigglers and his blood was jelly. I damn near threw up when Poopy chewed it in half, which wouldn’t have been good being inside of such a small car.”
The Police Stations Lab Tech interrupts. “I’m very sorry, but we really need to get some swabs to collect any DNA traces.”
“I’m sorry too . . . Nancy, because you’re not going to find any after the spray whip cream douche and enemas that Fritz and Bobbles gave me when it was their turn on stage. My Gynecologist is gonna be cleaning out the glitter for years!”
Nancy, the Lab Tech, tips her head a little, points at my face and then taps her lower lip. I whip off what she’s pointing at, lick off my finger and say, “Sorry . . . not semen. It tastes kinda like Boston cream.”
Officer Krupke silently waves Nancy away, “Boston cream?”
“Its from one of the many pies Cunt threw in my face, every time I got close to orgasming.”
“Wait? Cunt? One of the Clown’s names was Cunt?”
“I really don’t know what her name was. The uptight jealous bitch never said. I tried striking up a nice convo, like, ‘Did you ever consider putting any of your lipstick, actually on your lips?’ But she totally took it the wrong way and starting throwing her jealousy pies, ruining not only my orgasms, but also my orange hair.”
Krupke continues with his questions, “Throwing pies? So, where did this happen?”
“Inside their Clown car . . . this all happened inside their Clown car! Haven’t you been listening to me at all?”
“I have Julie, please calm down.”
“CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN? I was just gang fucked by a gang of roaming Clowns in a VW that I don’t think ever passed emissions testing! I’m pretty sure this wig is glued on and I’ve yet to figure out if these brown splatters on my arms are chocolate or shit! Wait! . . . You taste it, tell me and then I’ll calm down!”
He grabs my hand, which for some dumb ass reason gives me butterflies. Pulling it up towards his mouth, like he’s about to give me a royal kiss, then licks my forearm, causing chills to go down my spine.
The initial look on his face, almost makes me gag, before he smiles and says, “Chocolate.”
“Thank God! Because I’m starving!”
I lick my forearms every spot I can reach like a cat at spa time.
“Now I do need to understand, you said she . . . Cunt was throwing pies? How is that possible with all those bodies crammed into a VW?”
“That’s exactly what I’m still wondering myself! The only thing I can figure, is their Clown car is somehow like a rolling Tardis . . .”
We both say at the exact same time, “Bigger on the inside.”
I ask, “Favorite Doctor?”
He replies, “David Tennant hands down. Not ashamed to admit it, I cried at his regeneration.”
Finally seeing that Krupke isn’t my enemy, I say, “I’ll drink that water now.”
“Be right back.” He spins his chair, gets up and heads towards the cooler.
I take in the sight that is his cute little ass in his tight blue pants.
As he’s returning and before he sits down, I mention, “Consent.”
“Excuse me?” He asks.
“Other than Cunt, had they just asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. I would have totally known what they were hinting at, and would have gone with. This whole situation could have turned out way better and I’d likely have gotten Chuckles digits.”
Krupke hands me the water, sits down, squeaks, and laughs like Bozo. “So, Julie? Would you like to go for a ride? We’ll make Cunt stay at home.”
© 2023 Zatanna Dark All rights reserved.
Alien Abduction?
Short on Time? Only 200 Words:
Got Extra Time? How about 30 Minutes?
Looking for a BDSM Erotica Story you’ve been unable to find? Feel free to contact me anytime here on Medium. I’ll do what I can to add one to my Collection. Thanks! Zatanna Dark