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Abstract

ept grew quickly.We bought a hundred-year-old store (for $50,000) in the downtown area. We used the main open area for the church and the smaller rooms for my solo law practice. We converted the second floor to rustic living quarters.We named it “Times of Refreshing Fellowship” after Acts 3:19. The best part was the food. We made enough for however many we expected, sometimes up to a hundred folks. When dinner was ready we put full meals in clamshell to-go boxes and went to all the shops around us and invited people to come or just take a box. There was no obligation but good free food is compelling.In my law practice, I did more pro bono work than paid work so I had to take on more cases than were possible. I was swamped. My wife was the one who was the cook, pastor, and counselor, plus she was the one who did weddings and funerals. I was the “co-pastor.”I filled in the best I could. I loved to do the sermon on Sunday Mornings but I got complaints about including too many references to Disney movies. I actually did a year of seminary before going to college but I enjoyed sharing colloquial wisdom more than Bible teaching. We were an independent charismatic church and had a larger church that was our “covering.”One summer Penny and I went to a conference that featured a who’s who of TV evangelists. It included Kenneth and Gloria Copeland, Jesse Duplentis, Jerry Savelle, and others. During the emotionally charged service, Kenneth pointed at me in the crowd and asked if I was a pastor. I nodded my head yes. He told me to come up on the stage. I grabbed Penny’s hand and took her with me. Once I was up front and surrounded by the ministers I tried to explain that she was the main pastor.They pulled Penny into the background and gave her no attention. All the leaders laid hands on me, ordained me for “great things” and began to prophesy. I have no clue what they said. I was in an altered state by that point. One of them pushed me and I fell straight backward “under the power of the Holy Spirit.” The audience hooped and hollered and then the men moved on to someone else.The ride home was hard. Penny was devastated that they failed to recognize her. She believed they heard directly from God, so this was bigger than the failure of the evangelists. Penny

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felt that she, her passion, and her work were being dissed by God. Nothing I said helped.The celebrity evangelists were misogynist jerks. Why did Gloria Copeland allow them to push Penny into the background? This was NOT the way we did religion.I have no idea why they chose me out of the crowd. Honestly, I liked the celebrity panache of being ordained by the leaders of the charismatic movement, but the reality was that it was just for show. In retrospect, it wasn’t even God. It was a facade.We nurtured our church for ten years until the pastor of the church who provided “covering” for Penny and me personally came to visit. Of course, that pastor couldn’t usually come because she had her own church. When she visited she was both excited and upset that we had a number of gay couples as members. She ordered us to do a sermon stating that gay people were going to hell and needed to “straighten up.” I was outraged and refused.Our gay members came to us because they were safe and affirmed. They craved community and communion with God. I loved them and figured the details were God’s responsibility, not mine and not Penny’s.The Pastor sent me a letter demanding that I close the church and send all the members to her church, which was thirty miles away. She was angry with me and the letter said I was “out of balance on the issue of grace.”I wanted to carry on, but Penny had reached the end of her rope. She was exhausted and defeated by the lack of respect that she got even from our female pastor. Penny gave up, and I had neither the time nor the energy to continue without her. We closed our ministry. None of our members started going to our pastor’s church.I became disillusioned and drifted away from what I came to call “churchianity.” Penny died of COVID-19 in January of 2021. I still love Jesus, but have no interest in going to a physical church again. These days my Christian fellowship happens online, but I sure miss Penny’s cooking and the fellowship at the dinner table.I’ve had an amazing life and look forward to telling you many more poignant and amazing stories. Please follow me and <a href="https://ko-fi.com/sophiakellygrace">consider buying me a beverage by clicking here</a>. Thank you.</article></body>

I was Fired as a Pastor for Being “Out of Balance on the Issue of Grace”

The rise and fall of Times of Refreshing Fellowship

I’m going to tell you my dirty secret right up front. I rarely liked church services, even when I was the pastor. The thing that delighted me and made my Sundays feel worthwhile was going out to dinner with a dozen or more folks after church. What I always craved was community and sometimes the classic formula of doing church got in the way of that.

I had been on a ministry track since I was a toddler. I grew up in an evangelical home and church. Several members of my extended family were pastors, music leaders, and Sunday school teachers. I was bright and could read well by age three. As a little kid, my dream was to be a Wycliffe Bible Translator and missionary. They came often to my church and did slide show presentations of their work “bringing the gospel to other cultures.”

Although I read voraciously as a kid, it was studying apologetics and knowing the difference between what I believed versus “cults” and other religions. I read everything Josh McDowell ever wrote. I actually thought I knew everything there was to know about religion. When I got to Bible college I was stunned to learn there was a dispute over whether Jesus was coming back “pre-trib,” “mid-trib” or “post-tribulation.” It was a wake-up call. Imagine how shocked I was that some Christians didn’t believe in the rapture.

I got into clowning, mime, and doing magic shows as evangelism. That was fun. We’d drive into a neighborhood, gather a crowd, perform, and then give the kids flyers for their parents about our awesome children’s ministry. It worked. The church I was attending grew.

Eventually, I married a woman with a passion for ministry. She was also an amazing cook. We began with gatherings of a dozen or two in our home where we’d pray and sing and teach. Then we’d provide dinner for everyone. This concept grew quickly.

We bought a hundred-year-old store (for $50,000) in the downtown area. We used the main open area for the church and the smaller rooms for my solo law practice. We converted the second floor to rustic living quarters.

We named it “Times of Refreshing Fellowship” after Acts 3:19. The best part was the food. We made enough for however many we expected, sometimes up to a hundred folks. When dinner was ready we put full meals in clamshell to-go boxes and went to all the shops around us and invited people to come or just take a box. There was no obligation but good free food is compelling.

In my law practice, I did more pro bono work than paid work so I had to take on more cases than were possible. I was swamped. My wife was the one who was the cook, pastor, and counselor, plus she was the one who did weddings and funerals. I was the “co-pastor.”

I filled in the best I could. I loved to do the sermon on Sunday Mornings but I got complaints about including too many references to Disney movies. I actually did a year of seminary before going to college but I enjoyed sharing colloquial wisdom more than Bible teaching. We were an independent charismatic church and had a larger church that was our “covering.”

One summer Penny and I went to a conference that featured a who’s who of TV evangelists. It included Kenneth and Gloria Copeland, Jesse Duplentis, Jerry Savelle, and others. During the emotionally charged service, Kenneth pointed at me in the crowd and asked if I was a pastor. I nodded my head yes. He told me to come up on the stage. I grabbed Penny’s hand and took her with me. Once I was up front and surrounded by the ministers I tried to explain that she was the main pastor.

They pulled Penny into the background and gave her no attention. All the leaders laid hands on me, ordained me for “great things” and began to prophesy. I have no clue what they said. I was in an altered state by that point. One of them pushed me and I fell straight backward “under the power of the Holy Spirit.” The audience hooped and hollered and then the men moved on to someone else.

The ride home was hard. Penny was devastated that they failed to recognize her. She believed they heard directly from God, so this was bigger than the failure of the evangelists. Penny felt that she, her passion, and her work were being dissed by God. Nothing I said helped.

The celebrity evangelists were misogynist jerks. Why did Gloria Copeland allow them to push Penny into the background? This was NOT the way we did religion.

I have no idea why they chose me out of the crowd. Honestly, I liked the celebrity panache of being ordained by the leaders of the charismatic movement, but the reality was that it was just for show. In retrospect, it wasn’t even God. It was a facade.

We nurtured our church for ten years until the pastor of the church who provided “covering” for Penny and me personally came to visit. Of course, that pastor couldn’t usually come because she had her own church. When she visited she was both excited and upset that we had a number of gay couples as members. She ordered us to do a sermon stating that gay people were going to hell and needed to “straighten up.” I was outraged and refused.

Our gay members came to us because they were safe and affirmed. They craved community and communion with God. I loved them and figured the details were God’s responsibility, not mine and not Penny’s.

The Pastor sent me a letter demanding that I close the church and send all the members to her church, which was thirty miles away. She was angry with me and the letter said I was “out of balance on the issue of grace.”

I wanted to carry on, but Penny had reached the end of her rope. She was exhausted and defeated by the lack of respect that she got even from our female pastor. Penny gave up, and I had neither the time nor the energy to continue without her. We closed our ministry. None of our members started going to our pastor’s church.

I became disillusioned and drifted away from what I came to call “churchianity.” Penny died of COVID-19 in January of 2021. I still love Jesus, but have no interest in going to a physical church again. These days my Christian fellowship happens online, but I sure miss Penny’s cooking and the fellowship at the dinner table.

I’ve had an amazing life and look forward to telling you many more poignant and amazing stories. Please follow me and consider buying me a beverage by clicking here. Thank you.