I WAS ADDICTED
Pornography ruined my life...
At One time, I was actually addicted to pornography. I was introduced to pornography at a very young age, and I am going to be as transparent as possible with you guys because that’s how it should be. All this fabrication and faking that people went through things or speaking about things they don’t know about—I don’t really subscribe to that. I don’t like that, you know what I’m saying? People do all this research and then jump-cut and then get on here and talk about stuff they never experienced. I don’t subscribe to that.
High School Struggles
When I was in high school, I think the peak of it was like my 10th-grade year. I was addicted badly, and it ruined many different aspects of my life. I didn’t really have the confidence to talk to girls in person. I didn’t really have the mental clarity to focus on things other than lustful activities and lustful thoughts. Sometimes I would even avoid being around my family just so I could get in the back room and do the deed, and it was disgusting. I felt like a shell of a person. I was always disgusted with myself. I always regretted it, and it was just a cheap outlet for degeneracy. It felt even worse when you released all these hormones and did all these things, but you were still alone. I didn’t have anyone to call mine. I’m young, like you know what I’m saying, but it was just a disgusting period of time, and it was bad.
Physical and Mental Toll
I would go to school, and these girls—certain girls—would flirt with me, and I would go on the Hub and find someone that looked identical to them. Like, you could literally find anything you want on there. It’s pretty crazy, the access you have on the internet, and it’s dangerous. But it got bad, man. It was almost like every day I was getting it in, and I noticed a difference in my physical health.
The Turning Point
Now, I’ve always been in shape, but I’m telling you, bro, I used to work out so much, but I would also release so much. My gains never changed. Yes, I made some increases and I was growing too as a young male. But when I stopped, bro, I didn’t have to work out nearly as much and retain muscle and all this stuff. But it got to the point where I was just so disgusted with myself.
Discovering Semen Retention
I stumbled on a video (I wish I could remember so I could shout out to whoever it was) where I saw the concept of semen retention. Then I heard something about Mike Tyson doing it and this and that, so I wanted to try it out. Two days went by, and I relapsed. I went, like, a day after that and relapsed again. Then, after that, I went a week and relapsed again. After that, I went like two weeks without, you know, releasing, and I relapsed again. Then after that, I went on an eight-month stretch without releasing. And when I did, it was not with my hand. In that period of time, people look, it’s not a superpower to retain and all this stuff. It eventually can, but it’s not going to make you glow. It’s not. It’s the byproduct of doing those things—conquering yourself. That’s what I like to call it. When you conquer yourself, you conquer your lust, and when you conquer your desires, that’s what makes you glow—that energy that’s within you.
The Journey of Eight Months
You know what I’m saying? People are not just going to walk to you to retain you, you know? Maybe now, since it’s such a talked-about theme, but they’re going to be like, “Man, it’s just something about you, man.” Or, you know what I’m saying? Even if they don’t, you feel better about yourself when you learn to control your desires and not dig into that life.
Challenges and Triumphs
Over the course of those eight months, especially after those first few weeks, the first months, and stuff, those desires started to lessen. I began to conquer myself, and instead of being so bored and staying up at night, I found an activity to help me out. I started filling my time with more meaningful things. Even just by playing video games sometimes, I just feel in that space and get so busy to the point where I don’t have time to be distracted, to the point where I don’t have time to touch it. You know what I mean. When you get tired, lie down and put the phone away. But over the course of those eight months, I felt like a superhero.
Deleting Distractions
One of the things that helped me out was deleting the distractions. It’s hard to get distracted if there are no distractions. Any girls I would see that were half-naked on Snapchat or Instagram, I would unfollow them or delete them. And still to this day, I have accounts that were on my social media that I didn’t even know how they got there. Some people buy out meme accounts and turn them into explicit content pages because they know they trap a lot of vulnerable minds.
Relationship Issues and Accountability
I’ve had relationship issues about this thing. I’m like, “Look, I’ve been in that place before. I’m not going back there.” So, you’re not going to tell me that I’m some lustful human being and I’m conquered by lust around the earth because I was that at one point in time, and I hated that. I was disgusted by that, and I took the shadowy path to conquer myself and go through that. So, I’m not lying to you by telling you I don’t indulge in these things. I’m being truthful. I was disgusted. I hated myself for those things. Do you understand what I’m saying? It was disgusting to me, and I hated it. So, I decided to make a change.
Transformation and Empowerment
As I said, over the course of those months, it was just life-changing. I gained more confidence during that time. I actually created an ultimate ego called HBK Manon that had confidence, had conversation skills, was able to talk to girls, and stopped touching himself and all this stuff. If I’m going to release, it ain’t going to be by me, like, you know what I’m saying? I’m just telling myself all these little things and creating all these little nuances, and it actually worked.
The Impact of Semen Retention
It got to the point where I truly just stopped desiring any of that. Now, what you can run into is that when you stop, the desires may become more intense, and the pleasure of doing the real thing, the real deed, becomes more pleasurable. But you just have to find a balance, man. Eliminate those distractions; just resist them, man. Choose not to do it.
A lot of us get addicted, and we think there’s no way out, and we think it’s too hard to quit all these things. But the easiest part is just deciding not to quit, or the hardest part is deciding not to quit or deciding to quit if you’re addicted. Decide not to be addicted, decide to quit drugs, and decide to quit porn. That’s what you need to do. But instead, we go. I just can’t. It’s like I’m too deep in. I can’t stop now.” You have to change your mindset.
Becoming Disgusted with Destructive Habits
Become disgusted with what’s not good for you. If that’s keeping people around, if that’s watching pornography, if that’s doing this, doing that, become disgusted with it. When your mom tried to give you that nasty medicine, what did you do? Nasty. That’s how it should be in your life. Right? Porn, following all these girls, DMing all these girls, just caving into this lust, scrolling on TikTok—they got accounts, bro. It’s insane. They are literally manipulating the male mind.
There’s nothing wrong with looking at a girl. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to a girl. But what the problem is is that you are allowing your natural ability, your natural instinct, to be taken over and used against you. You’re not supposed to be horny all the time. You’re not supposed to be, you know what I’m saying, this big ball of horniness all the time. But social media is overly saturated with women who are chiseled by the gods. You have to choose to remove yourself from that. You have to choose to stop liking those videos and start training your algorithms to show you things that matter. Scrolling on social media and all this stuff is already bad enough, but you’re going to just add fuel to the fire. That’s why it takes accountability.
Advocating for Change
I know the subtitle may be misleading—"Pornography Ruined My Life,” but I ruined my life through pornography. I ruined my life through lust. I chose to change, right? I’m no longer addicted. I’ve been out of high school for x amount of years, right? I’m 24, by the way, but it was like my freshman and sophomore years that I was heavily addicted to that stuff. And I quit, and I would advocate to my friends and people I was close to or came across, like, “Yo, you know what I’m saying? You have any problems with this?” And I would advocate for it and try to help people because I know what it did for me. And I noticed when I saw dudes who were not confident that I had to get one off. It’s like, There is more to life, bro. There is more to life.
Addressing Addiction Stigma
Now, what I will advocate on—I would much rather you, you know, do it yourself than you go make a crazy decision and go touch something that you wouldn’t touch with a 10-ft pole or to go touch something that may leave you with a sexually transmitted disease or a sexually transmitted demon. I would much rather you do that. That’s where balance comes in. I’m not going to ever advocate for watching porn.
Touching yourself is kind of iffy when it comes to balance because sometimes it’s best to get things released. But there should always be balance in everything you do. Do you understand what I’m saying? But the journey with semen retention may be unbalanced because you have so many things you have to break away from. You have to just shut down and go celibate. Celibacy is not some type of gold; it’s a lifestyle. So you can’t really dig in, and now you have to go and turn this thing into a lifestyle. You know, quit until you can reap those benefits and then you can control the flow of whatever.
But I probably went all over the world to write this article, but I just wanted to help somebody out, man. Let me tell you, man, if you’re addicted, just realize that you’re addicted. Don’t deny it and just embrace in your mind that you want to quit and you will. Don’t talk about how hard it is; just quit, bro. Go cold turkey, go cold turkey, resist it, block it on your phone, do something. Put your phone down at night; I don’t know. But you’re not alone, and there’s a way out. It can really mess up your mind. It can mess up relationships and things like that, but if there’s a way in, there’s always a way out, man. It may be harder to get out, but it is what it is.
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