I Want Your Big, Deep Throbbing Talk — Keep That Small Talk Away from Me!

A look at the reason why those that bash small talk for being beneath them are ̶p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶o̶p̶a̶t̶h̶s̶ wrong

Imagine how off-putting a stranger’s opening gambit for conversation would be if it were some weighty observation about the human condition: “Hello Margaret, whom I have passed in the corridor thrice before, what do you think the point of your existence is? No…? Okay… maybe something a little less personal — what’s your position on the old, er, abortion sitch?”

Although I have sent up my hypothetical example for teeny, tiny comedy value, you can see how deeply off-putting and disturbing it would be if a man named Trevor approached you in this manner.

It’s common to see people on dating apps make bold statements eschewing small talk. I think most of us go through a stage where we think small talk is beneath us, and we are far too intelligent and don’t have the time to enter into such “trivial” interactions. “Ugh! Don’t they know there’s a planet that needs saving!”, you hear them cry.

Small talk tests the water with a person. It allows social interaction where deep conversation isn’t appropriate or opportune.

Phatic communication allows us to maintain social bonds with the neighbour across the street, the local mailer and other people we know on a surface level. It helps build community through interaction and trust. When we attempt an introduction with someone new, small talk is a way of assessing that person without committing, to see if we want to engage further with that individual. We can use it to pick up on NVC (non-verbal communication) and micro-gestures, informing us about a person’s mood. After all, sharing a starter might be all we can stomach.

So in the words of John Lennon, “give small talk a chance!”