WRITING | COMMUNITY | MEDIUM

I Want You To Be Honest and Authentic, Just Please Leave Your Insults at Home

There is a fine line between constructive criticism and insult. Purely positive feedback encourages and motivates us. But do we also learn from it?

This morning I read a very cool and entertaining post by Jason Provencio.

And then there was point 4 and my fingers were getting itchy!

It was only with difficulty that I resisted the urge to indeed leave Jason a “Yeah, but…” in the comments. But then I decided that I would try to respect his w̶i̶s̶h̶ — err — Commandment and actually write my own blog post about it.

And who knows? Maybe that was the same thing Jason had in mind, and he just put it in different words. I will leave that open because only Jason self could clarify that.

Disagreement does not equal Being a Hater

To remove any misunderstandings right away, I want to clarify one thing first.

• What does “Being a Hater” actually mean?

I understand it to be someone who not only has a different opinion but who actually behaves disrespectfully. I, too, have had some unpleasant experiences of this kind.

In one of my articles, I wrote about nuclear power plants. At that time, I was still very new to Medium. I had added sources to my article, but apparently, they were not enough. One of the commenters brought it up.

• Which is perfectly fine — even encouraged. If you miss a source citation for certain data or assertions, it is your right to ask for it. 👉 I would even go one step further. In times of numerous fake news, it is even our duty not to let claims just stand there.
• What is not okay: Immediately calling the article a hoax without having clarified the disagreements. Yes, without even having made the attempt to do so.

Especially when it comes to climate protection and energy issues, some people react very sensitively. But my thinking in these areas is primarily solution-oriented. I’m not a scientist, I don’t have a Ph.D.

Of course, it can happen that there are new developments that were previously unknown to me. I can even be wrong sometimes — despite all efforts and research. And then it is also in my own interest that this supposed error is cleared up.

👌 So, if you read a story of mine and think “What kind of nonsense is Jennifer writing here?”, please correct me with science-based facts. Or ask me what prompted me to make the statement. I’m happy to respond, and at the same time, I’m always open to learning.

The other day, I wrote about meat consumption and how it affects the environment — as a non-vegan, mind you.

One of the commenters disagreed with some of the information and gave their reasons. Basically, that was perfectly fine. While I did have to disagree on some points, the person did still provide some food for thought.

The only pity was how the comment started.

Why is it necessary to launch a personal attack before expressing an opinion?

These two sentences had the potential to sabotage any further communication on the topic. Something like this can turn a solution-oriented exchange of ideas into a completely superfluous, energy-draining argument that no one benefits from anymore.

And that came at the end.

Why only at the end? If you are sincerely interested in communicating with the author, you don’t start with a disrespectful statement. You start with the positive stuff if you have something to say in this regard. This makes you heard. 👉 You make sure that the other person takes you seriously.

Hardly anyone voluntarily allows himself to be put on a lower level. Especially not by a stranger. But communication on the same level with mutual respect can be something wonderful from which we all benefit.

We Grow First and Foremost Through Integrity

Granted, a flood of positive comments can be a balm for our writer’s soul! A smile regularly forms on my face, while my heart warms up when I read the kind words of my fellow writers.

💝 Thank you for that!

But we are only challenged by honest criticism.

Not a blunt putdown of our work, but some food for thought.

Some are also lucky enough to get their healthy dose of honest feedback from loved ones back home. And sure, it’s often easier to take suggestions for improvement from your partner or another family member.

I don’t have that option. My husband doesn’t speak English. My child has Down syndrome and won’t be able to help me here. And in general, I am the only one in my family who writes at all.

👌 So the next time I write “5 ultimate tips for an SEO optimized article” and you know better from experience and think to yourself “point 4 can’t work, at least not like this!”, please don’t just scroll on. Let me have a share of your experience and knowledge!

And if I’m spreading doom & gloom about nuclear power plants again, but you read about a possible breakthrough in research — please be sure to let me know, too.

We are all just humans and don’t even have comparative capacities like Google, let alone the global internet. But as long as we stay in communication and network our knowledge and theories with each other, we can achieve great things. 👉 After all, the Internet itself is not least an invention by humans.

I also think that on Medium, only very few of the typical fake news-spreading conspiracy theorists are involved. Most of us have good intentions and want to offer something of value to the reader.

But it’s important not to forget that alone, we merely live in a bubble.

Only in the exchange with others do we expand our horizons and learn. And this happens not only through affirmation and validation, but especially when our thoughts are challenged to go deeper.

💬 What is it like for you? Is constructive criticism okay for you? Do you write with the goal of reading other opinions as well? Or do you prefer a safe environment of encouraging, positive comments?