Summary

Lisa A. McCombs reflects on her past romantic relationships, her struggle with multiple sclerosis, and the impact on her marriages, ultimately finding solace in her current union despite the challenges of chronic illness.

Abstract

Lisa A. McCombs shares a personal narrative about her journey through love and loss, marked by the enduring presence of multiple sclerosis (MS). She recounts her early romantic experiences, including a deeply committed relationship that ended due to her differing life goals. Subsequently, she married a military man, which also ended in part due to the complications of her MS diagnosis. Despite these challenges, she found love again with a fire chief, a relationship that has endured through the trials of her chronic illness. McCombs, who is also an author and advocate, uses her experiences to inspire others affected by MS, emphasizing the importance of celebrating love as symbolized by swans, which mate for life.

Opinions

The author values the romantic gesture of her first boyfriend bringing roses to both her and her mother, seeing it as a significant display of devotion.
She admits to being immature in her first marriage and not sharing her husband's dream of domestic bliss, which led to their separation.
The author feels regret for the pain caused by her past decisions, particularly leaving her first husband.
She describes her second marriage as ending partly due to her becoming a "liability" after her MS diagnosis, suggesting a sense of being discarded because of her illness.
The author expresses a readiness to focus on enjoying life alone after her second marriage, indicating a period of self-reliance and personal growth.
Despite this, she fell in love again with a fire chief, whom she saw as her destiny, highlighting her enduring hope and belief in love.
The author acknowledges the challenges of living with MS and the potential future where she may need to care for her husband as his mental faculties decline, showing a deep commitment to their vows.
McCombs encourages others to celebrate love like swans, which mate for life, despite the hardships that chronic illness can bring to a relationship.

I Want the Romance Back

How do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

Did you know that swans mate for life?

I love knowing that and sincerely wish it was true for all living beings.

Swans celebrate their Valentine's every day.

I think the dearest Valentine's gift I ever received was the year my boyfriend showed up at my mother’s house with two dozen red roses: One for me and one for my mother.

It wasn’t the first time he wooed mother and daughter, but it was the biggest show of devotion to that point in our relationship.

I truly loved that guy. He treated me like gold and repeatedly declared to anyone who would listen that he would marry me someday. He had it all planned out. His mission was to get a good job after college graduation, get married, purchase some land, and build a house for us to share into old age.

We did get married.

We both had solid jobs.

We purchased land, and he built a beautiful home for us.

He constantly declared that I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

But I wasn’t. I was an immature adult with ambitions far beyond his dream of domestic bliss.

I didn’t want children and had no idea how to take care of our beautiful home. The idea of growing old together was just about the most depressing thing I could think of.

Ironically, I will go to my grave regretting everything about that chapter of my life.

Leaving him was the most horrible thing I’ve ever done.

Out of the frying pan into the fire.

I believed I knew what I was doing when an old high school boyfriend re-entered my life.

Handsome, fit, and a man in uniform. We had played together in the brass section of our high school concert band. He was older. He had seen the world as an Army artillery sergeant. It took me about two seconds to fall under his spell, and that’s where I stayed until reality hit hard in the form of multiple sclerosis.

No, I’m not blaming a disease for our demise, but its convenience doesn’t surprise me. I mean, who wants a disabled wife? When we wed, I was a trophy wife. Suddenly, I became a forty-year-old liability. My MS was an unwelcome embarrassment.

Once again, I found myself trading in a somewhat secure home for a sad existence. This time, it wasn’t just me. On top of my adopted MonSter-child, I had a beautiful two-year-old son to think about.

At this point in my life, I was ready to forego marital bliss and concentrate on enjoying the life God gave me.

But I hadn’t learned my lesson. Husband number three was in the offing.

My breath caught when I saw him.

With arms crossed at his chest and Ray Bans in place, he was a living, breathing, heart-stopping replica of Kevin Costner in the 1992 film The Body Guard. Positioned in front of his beloved fire station where his reign as Fire Chief had surpassed three decades. I knew he was my destiny.

Of course, my inner editor screamed “Not another uniformed guy!”

But I tossed her away and continued to stare.

My two-year-old son ran up and kicked him in the shin, staking his claim before I dared to utter a word. Was this my sign?

He asked me to meet him later at the town watering hole for a beer. I, at first, declined to change my mind a couple of hours late. He was surprised when I walked through the door.

“There she is,” he said and patted the bar seat beside him.

He has said that many times over the years. Endearing until I realized two decades later that it might indicate the unpleasant emergence of dementia. Since we live with multiple sclerosis (because a chronic illness is a family affair), my plate is already full.

What happens when I can no longer care for him? Especially when I need so badly for him to care for me?

I suppose this will be our swan song.

And that’s okay. We vowed this marriage to be our last stop.

So, no matter what your love language is, celebrate like a swan.

Lisa, Lady With the Cane

Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis six months after the birth of her only child, Lisa A. McCombs is determined to fight the MonSter through her writing, public speaking, and advocacy.

To learn more about MS and its impact on Lisa’s life, check out her most recent book, “Letters to the MonSter”, now available on Amazon.

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