Online Dating | Finding Love

I Ventured Into The World of Online Dating In My 50s

Now I know why I had waited so long — part one

I’ve been on my own for more years than I care to remember. Ten plus if you’re counting.

I have spoken about becoming a widow in my twenties. I then had a failed second marriage and am separated, I hardly talk about that but I should and maybe I will, one day.

Then I had a few short-term relationships.

I gave up on love and life revolved around raising my two young girls. Frankly with parenting and working, there was little time to think of anything else let alone love.

Now my girls are grown up. Adults and starting families of their own. How did that even happen?

But I have been putting off getting back into the dating world.

More specifically the online dating world.

Frankly, the thought scared the heck out of me.

I tried online dating a few years ago

I signed up to Match.com and chatted with a few guys. It was fun and friendly and I kinda enjoyed coming in and checking my messages and having people to talk to.

Then I asked one guy after we had been chatting for a few days,

“What is the one thing you would like to do most in the world”.

Let me just add, that we had been having pretty normal conversations till that point.

His response floored me.

“To have the most powerful sex with you”, he said.

I ended the conversation. Blocked him outright. Really!

If you want to know my views on sex, you can read my challenge response about the worst sex here.

Then the pandemic hit so I didn’t bother with online dating.

There was too much else going on in life. You weren’t even allowed to meet anyway.

Anyways, I decided to venture into the undefined world of online dating once again.

First which online dating site to choose

Tinder — No I wasn’t looking for random sex.

Hinge — Is about finding meaningful connections — sounds promising.

Bumble — Where women make the first move. Hmm, tell me more.

Match — Nope, after my earlier experience.

This is the online dating site I went with

I opted for Ourtime.

It felt in line with my age. Also as you have to pay, so this excludes those free wheelers. And it is for those over 50. (Yikes, how did I reach this age stage already?)

I put up my profile.

Wrote something vaguely interesting.

With Ourtime, you have to verify your photo by taking a selfie which was awkward as I have never really gotten the hang of selfies. I always look out of proportion.

Finally, I got started earlier this year and had my profile all set up and ready for love.

The next morning I woke to +99 likes.

I was like wow. I still got it.

How dating feels likes work

When you like someone and they like you back you get sparkly stars against both your profiles. There is a higher chance you might connect with each other.

But when I started to go through the likes, I was no, no, and a definite no!

The pickings were few and far between.

I liked back about six guys, but only three responded to my chat request.

So I started to chat.

Guy #1

Mike seemed nice enough. We had things in common. He had been widowed too. We chatted on and off.

It was weird though, one moment I would get lots of responses from him, and then he would go quiet for a day or two. Then he would come back to the chat.

I figured he was probably speaking to others during those times.

Perhaps there wasn’t really a connection between us but he was willing to give it a try a bit longer because there wasn’t anything else out there.

I was the it-will-do-online-chat. That kinda sucked.

I should have ended the chat then, but like I said this was my first foray in a while.

So testing the waters it was.

He then asked if we could go for coffee.

We had been chatting on and off for about two weeks by this time.

Guy #2

I was also chatting with Dean. He seemed friendly enough.

We found enough in common, and the conversation flowed.

Dean kept pressing to meet up, quite early into the chat.

When I asked what the rush was.

He questioned why I was on the dating site if I didn’t want to meet up.

I had to ask myself this too, but frankly, I wanted to take things slow.

After all, I was way out of practice.

Was this a red flag? Someone pressuring?

Then being manipulative?

He said that this all felt like a bit of a game.

Online dating is a bit of a game. Isn’t it?

You come on and try to play, if you are lucky you win.

If not then you walk away and try again another time.

Anyway, we carried on chatting.

He would blow hot and cold.

One moment he would message me first thing in the morning, saying “Good morning, have a great day”.

Or in the middle of the day, “How is your day”.

Often there would be a message at night saying “Good night” with xx.

I always find the xx’s weird to add to a message with someone you don’t know. I never signed off with any xx’s in any of my chats with him, but he did to everyone one of his to me.

He then suggested again that we meet for a coffee.

I said I was taking it slow as it was a long time since I had dated.

He said fair enough.

But then kept pressing.

He kept wanting to meet.

He said that this is a hit-and-miss until you know if there is a physical connection.

I’m not sure if should I meet him.

I felt a bit uncomfortable with him, should I follow my gut?

Guy #3

This was the weirdest one. He started with

“Hi, I’m Ian”.

Well yes, I know I can see from your profile.

Anyways, I ask how his day has been.

He tells me he loves Fridays and has had a great day.

I ask what work he does and he says “An electrician, a bright spark’’

So I think good he’s got a sense of humour.

So we keep going.

I ask if he enjoys his work and he says he does, and it pays the bills.

I ask what his plans were for the weekend.

This is where it starts to go a bit downhill.

He says he is doing his housework.

Nothing wrong with that at least he’s house-trained.

So I said that’s good those jobs had to be done, it was raining so this made sense.

He said he cannot play all the time, but surely he must play some of the time. So I asked what he did for fun.

He never responded.

I can only assume that he does not have fun.

Or he was probably reading much more into my question than there was?

I meant did he like hiking, dining out or even parachuting, maybe he thought something else. Perhaps I should have been more specific.

That’s the good part of online dating, you can tell quickly whether it is going to move on or not.

But you have to be quick, some have no patience.

Like Nigel, who liked me and I liked him back.

Then I went offline and hadn’t check my messages till the evening.

When I checked in, I found that he had sent a message that morning but because I had not responded quickly enough, he blocked me 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Should I go on some dates in the month of love?

Let me know in the comments if you want to find out how chats these panned out.

© Bernie Pullen, All Rights Reserved