Summary

The author reflects on their transformation from a judgmental person to someone who empathizes with those they once disdained, having come to experience many of the same struggles they used to criticize.

Abstract

The author of the article recounts a personal journey of changed perspectives. Initially, they admit to looking down on various groups of people, including those from dysfunctional families, individuals coping with personal failures, and those facing financial and social challenges. However, as life unfolded, the author found themselves relating to many of these situations: their own family became dysfunctional, they faced personal shortcomings as a parent, and they encountered professional and financial stagnation. The author also reveals struggles with alcohol, the need for therapy, and engaging in paid sexual encounters. They've lost traditional friendships and continue to work in unsatisfying conditions, primarily for health insurance. This personal reckoning has led the author to a place of humility and empathy, realizing the futility of judging others and acknowledging that life's circumstances can change drastically, often beyond one's control.

Opinions

The author initially held a superior view of themselves compared to those they judged, including families with dysfunction, personal failings, and financial struggles.
They now recognize the importance of not being judgmental, having experienced many of the same hardships they once scorned.
The author admits to their own family's dysfunction and their personal failings, particularly as a parent.
They express a sense of resignation to their current life circumstances, including remaining in the same house, struggling with alcohol, and seeking therapy without fully opening up.
The author reveals a sense of detachment from their original social circle and a closer relationship with a woman who is not their wife.
They acknowledge the likelihood of continuing to work in unsatisfying conditions, mainly for the health insurance benefits.
The author reflects on their father's wisdom about judgment and humility, quoting "There but for the grace of God go I."
They apologize for their past judgments and now view themselves with lower esteem, feeling that they exist mainly to provide for others

I Used to Look Down Upon

But No More

I used to look down upon:

Dysfunctional families most of all;
Parents who said “I tried my best” even though they fucked up;
Suckers who remained permanently stuck in our lower middle-class neighborhood;
Alkies who drank by themselves on weeknights;
Weak-minded individuals who had to seek therapy instead of being strong-minded and stoic;
Losers who had to pay for their sexual pleasure;
Students who struggled to complete community college classes on a part-time basis;
Loners who lost their friends or never had them to begin with;
People in their sixties or older who still had to dress business-like, commute to a job that they did not like, and take orders from people that they did not like to do things they did not like;
Those same older people who had to continue working those jobs to maintain health insurance.

But now:

My own family is the most dysfunctional and is broken up;
I think that I tried my best as a father although I should have done some important things differently and better;
We have remained in our starter house since right before 9/11 and will probably remain here until the bitter end, never having moved up to a nicer home or neighborhood;
I have once again made alcohol my friend and consume it by myself on many weeknights;

I think I’ll consume some sake this Tuesday night by myself.

I go to therapy, where I will never share my innermost thoughts including how I fantasize about ending my existence most days, and am okay with it;
I pay a woman at a massage parlor for my pleasure usually twice per month which I sometimes share on Reddit;
We have a child who struggles through community college classes on a part-time basis and whose rent I typically pay most of, along with other things;
I have let my two best male friends fall by the wayside. My best friend now is a beautiful sexy woman whom I walk and visit with a lot in the town where I work;
Should I Remain, I will likely be waking up before I want to, dressing business casual, and taking orders from someone that I do not like much to do things that I do not want to do;
I, too, would likely still be working beyond when I want to mostly to maintain our shitty HMO policy.

What have I learned from this? Since 2020, when certain elements of our life began going to shit, only to go from bad to worse from there?

From a happy, intact family to one that is broken up, that has me wanting to die, drinking by myself, paying for happy endings, and losing my male friends while spending more and more time with a woman who is not my wife?

First and foremost, I have learned in my early fifties to not be so judgmental. There are still things and types that I look down upon, but do not care to elaborate, should those things befall me or those who I love.

My late father was not a religious man, but once or twice when I made a cutting judgmental remark in his presence, he said “There but for the grace of God go I.”

Pixabay image by the author edited in Canva

Judging others is a loser's game anyway, for the most part.

Why worry about if someone else is a drug addict, porn addict, prostitute, alcoholic, or all of the above?

I am sorry, yes so very sorry to have ever judged anyone.

I may have held myself in higher esteem than them, but not anymore.

I now hold myself in lower esteem. Lower than just about anyone.

I can only work, walk, and write. I exist for others. To pay for them.

And pay I will.