I Used to Hate My Day Job… Despite Loving What I Do. Is That You Too?
Life can be interesting for a 9–5 consultant
Yes, I used to be THAT guy.
A dock. A noob. A Think-I-Know-Better.
I love my professional identity right from the get-go. I have always wanted to be a consultant. I never thought of anything else.
That shaped my decision in B-school. I took more modules necessary for graduation.
I absorbed everything about running a business.
So, I was prepared during the 5-round job interview.
No big issues. I passed round after round without much stress. I arrived at the final 7-panel member hot seat by week 5.
Yes, that was designed to be a hot seat because they wanted to assess the candidates’ stress tolerance.
I did not overthink their questions. I breezed through it. But one question stumped me. This is the one.
“What would you do, and how would you feel if you invested great effort and time in your work but not be rewarded for it?”
I admitted my social ignorance to the Managing Director. I had no answer. I thought it was okay.
But no.
The fool in me wasn’t ready for the real world.
And she knew it.
The First 2 Years Was Difficult…
… in a different way.
I didn’t quite struggle in my job. I knew I was in a project running out of time. So, I dutifully did what I was assigned.
I worked on my tasks and resolved issues.
That was the expectation of a Year 1 analyst.
I went one step ahead to provide a root cause analysis to my team lead to facilitate his discussions with the client. Turns out, he liked it.
Soon, I waddled behind my team lead throughout the day.
Robert took me to,
- Client weekly status updates,
- Internal project milestone meetings,
- Cross-functional and technical team discussions.
And I liked it.
It fitted my worldview of a dutiful consultant. I went to people. People came to me.
Soon, more people were coming to me than the reverse. I was happy inside.
Ever felt this way?
But little did I know that trouble was brewing.
The first consulting firm I worked in embraced this cute (read: annoying) performance evaluation system known affectionately as 360 feedback.
Managing Directors believed in their heart, soul, blood, and bones that everyone contributed to our success, so feedback from all corners must be considered during P-eval.
I have always found this funny. MDs should ask the pantry ladies for their opinions each time they are due for a bonus.
I suspect the pantry auntie will suggest withholding their 6-digit payout because they make a mess in the meeting rooms by spilling water and leaving breadcrumbs all over.
I guessed it never happened. Would be funny… I think.
Now, back to me.
The first 360 delivered a shock to my system.
In truth, I wasn’t expecting anything spectacular. I knew I was enjoying my work. Clients were cordial with me. Same for my team lead.
The surprise came in the form of broader teamwork.
I never quite understood what that meant.
I got curious, so I opened the link in the email and got into the details.
It included the following.
- “Aldric is a lone ranger. He does not lunch with us.”
- “Aldric will have a problem at the next level because he does not mingle and gel in.”
- “Aldric came into the job prepared. But he needs to develop interpersonal skills. Teamwork is important. His peers may become his boss or team members in the future.”
I was crushed.
How come no one told me all these things existed during the P-eval? Or before? When were these points captured?
Being a dock as I was, I sought counsel from my HR representative. She threw me under the bus.
“360s are meant to be freely expressive, ya.”
Stumped. Speechless. Shelled.
I Approached that MD With Foresight During My Final Interview
I wanted to understand what she foresaw and what I was blinded to.
May was candid.
She told me that,
- The workplace is a game that involves multiple players,
- Many of them come in clueless and need help,
- I came in knowing what to expect,
- It puts me in an awkward position.
“Just look around you. Your peers are trying to figure out what is happening. You know what IS happening and actively taking the lead. Your peers are following behind you. How do you think they will feel?”
This question never crossed my mind. And I admitted so.
She politely reminded me that 360 feedback allows them to express their indignance. They feel shortchanged.
Should I say… #MeToo?
May also mentioned that I must be aware of my working relationship with my leads. Robert, my current team lead, is a task-oriented person. He has no issues with me.
Should I pair up a politically sensitive lead…
May did not finish her words. She need not. I understood perfectly.
And that annoyed me.
I joined a consulting firm to fulfill my aspirations and ambition and to be at my best. However, the workplace taught me a different reality.
- Opinions matter.
- Our relationships with our peers, team leads, and MDs matter.
- Leaving space and time for our peers and team leads to shine matter.
That made me uncomfortable.
I struggled for the next 3 years. I could not quite change my way of working and thinking.
Naturally, the 360s continued to be unkind.
So, I ejected myself from that firm.
The Close
Is it possible to hate doing what you love doing?
Yes, of course.
My personal experience convinced me.
And the key message is this. We need not accept things as they are. We can move.
No matter where we go, remember this.
Check out the rules of the game.
You will be happy.
There is no reason to stay on as a high performer with zero incentives. Or become public enemy number 1.
That makes zero sense.
Be the hero. Not the zero.
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