Summary

An individual recounts their attempts to enhance their romantic success by learning French and employing AI-generated pickup lines, only to find the lines were widely recognized and ineffective.

Abstract

The author shares a personal narrative about their quest to improve their love life through unconventional means. Initially, they tried learning French, believing the language of love would be an attractive skill. However, this approach failed as it was not well-received by their American audience. Subsequently, they turned to Artificial Intelligence, hoping that technology could provide unique and effective pickup lines. Despite the AI's promise of originality, the lines it generated were already well-known, leading to disappointment. The story concludes with the author's plan to combine AI with French, hoping for a more successful outcome.

Opinions

The author believes that traditional pickup lines become less effective with age and changing social dynamics.
They express that learning French, while romantic, was not practical in their American social context.
The author holds a positive view of AI's potential to create novel conversation starters.
There is a sense of disillusionment when the AI-generated lines did not live up to expectations, as they were not as unique as anticipated.
The author seems determined and optimistic, undeterred by previous setbacks, as they plan to integrate AI with French for future romantic endeavors.

I Tried Using Artificial Intelligence To Improve My Sex Life

It’s better than French.

Photo by Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu on Unsplash

If you’re like me, you can never get enough love. I remember as a boy my parents took me on a driving trip from Illinois to Florida. People were moving to Florida in droves seeking a warmer climate or planning for a future retirement.

As we drove through the orange groves that were being converted to housing developments, I saw dozens of signs encouraging me to “Get Lots While You’re Young.” I took that advice to heart and as an adult, I never pass up a chance for some nooky.

As I grew older, I began to notice that the same old tired pickup lines weren’t working any longer. The older women had heard them all before. They wanted something more creative.

The younger women I met just flat-out looked at me like I was from another century. Apparently young people and old people don’t speak the same language even if it is English.

A few years ago, I decided to try another tact. I went back to school and learned to speak French, the language of love. Surely my new suave demeanor would amp up my love life.

It was a huge miscalculation. It seems the women in the U.S. did not understand a word I was saying. No matter how brilliant the pickup line proved to be they just smirked and walked away.

One evening I approached an attractive woman that appeared to be only a few years younger than me. Surely the small age gap would put us on the same wavelength.

I tried one of my most practiced French chat-up phrases. She scowled, turned to her girlfriend standing nearby, and said, “See, this is why we need to build the wall.” Then she walked away leaving my elegant oratory hanging in midair.

So much for my experiment with the French language. In the absence of a plan to move to Paris, I went back to speaking English.

Then one day I read an article on Artificial Intelligence (AI). It seems that high-powered computers can outthink most men, which is no surprise given the limited use of the male gray matter.

It seemed to be the obvious solution. A massive server farm should be able to conjure up opening lines that would have the women swooning in no time at all.

Not being a computer expert, I hired a consultant to help me navigate the complex AI algorithms.

Together we loaded the powerful computer server with tried-and-true pickup lines. In no time at all my computer consultant printed me out a nice list of introductory phrases that according to the AI computer were guaranteed winners.

Leaving nothing to chance I practiced my new locutions over and over in front of a mirror. I needed to ensure my facial expressions matched the pace and intonation of the presentation.

After days of practice, I headed to my local meat market (read singles bar) to try my AI generated opening lines.

All seemed to be going well when a voluptuous lady invited me to join her and her girlfriend at their table. As I continued to ply my would-be score with brilliant discourse, she began to finish my sentences. It was as if she had heard them before. The whole scene mystified me. Was it possible that our minds were so in tune that we were thinking the same things?

Finally, her girlfriend said, “Can’t you come up with anything original?”

I defended my approach as modern, trendy, and unique.

She in turn grabbed her phone, opened a webpage, and showed me a post titled, “The twenty best never fail pickup lines of all time.”

They were word for word the same lines my Artificial Intelligence system had spewed out to me just days earlier. It left me with little to say that they had not already anticipated. Out of ammunition I left the table and returned home frustrated and unsatisfied.

But I am not giving up. This week I am programming my AI computer to speak French. At least my lines won’t sound rehearsed.

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