I Tried Fentanyl So You Don’t Have To

Curiosity killed the cat.

Preface

I’ve always hung out with fringy people. I find them to be of above-average intelligence, creative, and witty. But fringy has a double meaning. It can also refer to the down-and-out.

Heck, the name of my neighborhood is Fringecrest! I live right on the border. Behind me is the fine, old-money neighborhood of Ridgecrest. Sounds delightful, right? And in front of me? Well, it’s kind of…fringy. It is improving ever so slowly (as most things in New Mexico go). But I still hear gunfire every night. People here love their fast, noisy cars, guns, and drugs. But back on topic, here’s a quick synopsis of how I got where I am. And thank goodness I still “am!”

Psychedelics and Cocaine

They used to call marijuana the “gateway drug.” I guess, for me, that rings true. I’ve experimented with most drugs in the spirit of trying everything once (except skydiving!). It usually went in phases.

By junior high school (that’s middle school to you young uns), I had experimented with amphetamines (we called them white crosses, or simply “whites”), reds (barbiturates), and mescaline (not quite as strong as LSD).

High school was mainly just drinking and smoking pot.

In college, it was LSD (even at dear old Nebraska U). We tripped on the weekends, so we’d have a full day to recover before Monday. Most of us could not afford cocaine, but once in a while, we’d pool our money and score a gram.

During the years that I was a “family man,” I didn’t use drugs. I drank, but not that much. Raising a family is exhausting enough as it is!

After my divorce, the exercise of coming out was more overwhelming than I could have ever imagined. Once things settled down, I found myself in my first gay relationship. His love affair with cocaine often usurped our own. By association, I came to love it, too. I couldn’t afford it myself, but he was generous. Too much so, as I ended up in rehab a couple of times for alcohol, drug abuse, and psychological issues, including suicidal ideations and attempts. After a night of binging on coke, I would feel so depressed the next day, and I’m bipolar, which just made it worse. After my second stint in rehab, I never did cocaine again.

Opioids

I had a knee replacement early in life (at 47) when I was introduced to morphine. But the amount of time they’ll administer it is pretty short, so they then switched me to Vicodin/hydrocodone/Norco — compositionally, all about the same, falling into the opioid family. I’ve had a few surgeries that required it as aftercare. I liked it—a lot. I’d always request more refills than I needed. Some people get upset stomachs from opioids, or it just makes them sleepy. Unfortunately, they energize me. What else can I clean or organize?

After exhausting my reasons for needing them, I moved on. I didn’t have to go to rehab, nor did I go through terrible withdrawals. I don’t know why. Many people addicted to opioids end up in the gutter.

Methamphetamine

Once I moved to Albuquerque, given the kind of people to whom I am attracted, it was inevitable that I would try meth. After all, we are the home of “Breaking Bad!”

I dabbled in it until Adderall became hard to get because of post-pandemic production and supply chain issues. I take Adderall as prescribed for ADHD. I Googled it and learned that the chemicals in methamphetamine are very similar to those found in Adderall. So, for a few months, I used it as a substitute.

For me (and I have a very high drug tolerance), the side effects of weaning myself from it were nil. However, on a positive note, I found that when I used meth, I consumed less alcohol and smoked fewer cigarettes. Meth is relatively inexpensive, so economically, it was a wash.

Now that Adderall is back in supply, I occasionally use meth recreationally. It enhances sexual encounters, but it can also make it difficult to get and maintain an erection and to have an orgasm. You can go at it all night and nothing! In this case, Viagara or some facsimile is a required accompaniment.

Fentanyl

Another thing that I will never try once is heroin. I’ve been lucky so far, but heroin falls into the skydiving category!

Related to heroin is Fentanyl—at least the pharmaceutical grade. Most of the stuff that hits the streets is synthetic.

I began to hear about Fentanyl when I was still living in Chicago. It seemed to be a drug primarily used by those of a low socioeconomic status on the South and West sides. I didn’t think much of it. At the time, no one in my crowd used anything unusual — no psychedelics, no meth—just drinks and weed.

So when I was at “my guys” place the other day (that’s code for the dealer), he was smoking some fentanyl. The preferred method of administration is to put a tablet on a piece of aluminum foil, light it from underneath until it smolders, and then inhale the smoke through a glass tube. Easy enough.

I said that I wanted to try it. At first, he was hesitant, but we talked, and he then passed it over. I didn’t get much in the initial hit. I probably did it wrong, and I didn’t feel anything. So, I tried a second hit.

The instantaneousness of it. I’ve never had anything quite like it. And that’s what people who use it are after.

It was a serene, peaceful feeling. Euphoric. I felt light. It seemed to touch every cell in my body.

I had to drive home, so I did no more. My entire being slowed down. It was hard to maintain 30 mph. What seemed like an eternity was only a seven-minute jaunt. Once home, I tried to do everyday things, but that didn’t work out too well. I began feeling tired, so I laid on my bed for a quick nap. I woke up four hours later, still a bit buzzed. In the morning, I felt groggy.

That’s when an addict needs another fix and starts the process all over again. This is why people experiencing homelessness often refuse help of any kind, including shelter. On the streets, they can do Fentanyl endlessly. And it’s cheap — a five-bill will get you off.

About Fentanyl

Although Fentanyl was approved by the FDA in 1968 as a pain reliever, most overdoses come from illicit Fentanyl. It is said to be 100 times stronger than morphine.

Fentanyl, a synthetic opioid, has surpassed traditional opioids in the number of overdose deaths it causes. The epidemic is highest in West Virginia, formerly a bastion of opioid overdoses. Most Fentanyl overdose deaths are in states east of the Mississippi, with the exception of Arizona and New Mexico.

Since 2016, more people have died from Fentanyl overdoses than from prescription opioids. ~Centers for Disease Control

But really, Fentanyl is a nationwide issue, especially in our cities. While recently in Portland, I picked up a copy of Willamette Week, their weekly alternative newspaper, in which Fentanyl was the cover story. There, deaths from Fentanyl have risen from 25 in 2019 to more than 200 in 2022. Narcan works — if the authorities get to the person overdosing in time. It can take up to four doses of Narcan to revive one who has overdosed.

Illicit Fentanyl is usually produced in foreign countries. Sometimes, the components come from several countries (including China) and are often combined into tablet form in Mexico, then smuggled into the U.S.

Only two milligrams can be lethal, depending on one’s body size, tolerance, and past usage. There is no way to tell how much Fentanyl is in one tablet, but 42% of the pills tested by the DEA contain at least two milligrams.

What I Learned

To end homelessness, we have to end drug addiction. But how do you do that among a population who don’t care? They don’t want to get better. They don’t want resources. They want more drugs.

Albeit there are legitimate folks who end up being homeless, statistically, 26% are addicted to drugs, and 38% more are alcoholics.

Fentanyl is often added to heroin, methamphetamines, and cocaine, strengthening these drugs and increasing the likelihood of a fatal interaction.

As good as it feels, we are no match for it. It can bring strong men to their knees. I knew this was a lousy experiment going in. Now that I know more about it, it gives me pause to use any street drug.

Addiction robs you of everything good. It dismisses your judgment. You don’t care about yourself or anyone else. You don’t care about anything. It disables your brain from making itself feel good by messing with your dopamine.

No, I think I’ll stick with my gateway drug — marijuana. I am especially partial to peach-flavored gummies.

For whatever reason, I was wired or genetically predisposed to use and sometimes abuse drugs. But it’s time to pull the plug.

If you find yourself in a compromising position with drugs, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1–800–662-HELP (4357).

Sources:

• USAfacts.org
• Centers for Disease Control (cdc.gov)
• Drug Enforcement Administration (dea.gov)
• AddictionCenter.com
• Wisconsin Department of Health Services (dhs.wisconsin.gov)
• Willamette Week, Portland, OR, 07/26/2023

Author’s Note: I have a 260-plus story back catalog of articles dealing with subjects I like to write about, and I hope you’ll find something that piques your interest. They include aviation, music, geography, gardening, pop culture, LGBTQ culture, The Southwest/Megadrought/The Colorado River, and my late son. I often weave my journey into each. But you’ll hit a paywall after you’ve read three or five stories in a month (I forgot which one it is). It’s worth $5/month or $50/year to read all the stories from all the great writers on Medium.com.