I Took the “White Privilege Test” & Was Shocked by the Results

Ever since my old college buddy called out my white privilege for criticizing (billionaire) Lebron James for his million dollar partnership with McDonald’s to further fatten the American public (a deal he no longer maintains, thankfully), I’ve been racking my brain over whether I have white privilege (WP) or not.

And if I do have WP, what does that even mean? Is my entire life and everything I’ve worked for just the inevitable outcome of having a vanilla-colored ass?

Fortunately, there are several “White Privilege” tests available online written by truth-seekers and leaders of the “anti-racist” movement (many of which just so happen to be millionaires). So, this week I decided to take one to settle the score once and for all.

*** It’s worth noting, I’m not your average mayonnaise-loving white boy Although I do love mayonnaise, now I put it on elotes y esquites. I’ve lived in Mexico City for the past eight years, and my wife and nearly all my friends who I interact with daily are Mexican.]

The following test is based on the ‘White Privilege Test’ by author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (estimated net worth: $5 million) and research on White Privilege by Peggy McIntosh (estimated net worth: $15 million).

Let’s have a look:

“Check yourself: the White Privilege Test”

1) If I wish to, I can arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time. No. I have only one friend in this city of 21 million who shares my race, and he recently had a baby, so I hardly ever see him.

2. I can be sure that no matter where I move to, my neighbors in that location will be pleasant or neutral to me. Not really. If I move to Tepito, the most notoriously dangerous neighborhood of Mexico City, I’m pretty sure the neighbors will treat me like a gringo. If I move to Condesa or La Roma, where most of my fellow gringo’s live, I can be sure to be called a gentrifier by writers from the L.A. Times and see graffiti like “fuck you gringo” tagged on the city walls.

1. I can go shopping alone and be sure that I won’t be followed or harassed. Yes. I have never been harassed while shopping (except that one time at the mall when I was 13 and got caught stealing a Tommy Hilfiger hat).

2. I can turn on the television, open a newspaper, and see people of my race widely represented. No, I can’t. Unless I go online.

3. I can go to a museum or art gallery and will see people of my race widely represented in the objects and artworks. No, the art museums in my city are mostly dedicated to Mexican art.

4. I can be sure that when told about our national heritage or about ‘civilization’, I am shown that people of my color made it what it is. No, Mexican heritage is not about my race or culture. However, growing up in New Jersey, this was mostly true.

5. I can be sure that my children will be taught a curriculum which testifies to the existence of their race. Definitely not. If I have children one day, they will be half gringo and half Mexican. It is unlikely they will learn about American culture in school here in Mexico, or Mexican culture in school in the U.S. They will likely be even more confused by this list of questions than I am.

6. I can go into a shop and easily find the food, music, or clothes which represent my race or fit with my cultural traditions. No, my local music shops sell mostly Latin music (salsa, cumbia, corridos, mariachi, etc.). When I want a hip-hop (my culture?) or American rock album, I order it on Amazon.

Furthermore, I’ve been unable to find a decent slice of pizza in Mexico City for over eight years, so every time I go to the U.S., I gorge myself on NJ tomato pies and gain upwards of ten pounds. Also, as a 90’s kid, I grew up on bologna sandwiches, Lunchables, and other non-food “food products” that most Mexican’s appropriately despise.

As for clothes — well, I’m not sure how my clothes are aligned with my race, but I tend to dress like most “modern” people in 2023. I work from home, so any sweat pants will do.

7. I can go to a hairdresser and be sure that they can cut my hair. Yes. However, my hair is much thinner than most Mexicans, so it can be a surprise for barbers that often elicits a comment. Still, the barbers here are competent enough to give me a clean fade and they (usually) don’t charge me extra for being a gringo.

10. I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of my financial reliability. Yes, many Mexicans think I have money because I’m white. When I pass in the street, they shout “Güero! güero! Pasale güero.” Loose translation: “White boy, white boy — come here white boy.” Unfortunately, my net worth is still in the negative.

8. I can swear, dress scruffily, or not answer letters without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, poverty, or illiteracy of my race. I cannot be sure how people judge me here, and I haven’t written a letter in fifteen years. When I say things like “chinga tu madre,” o “no mames cabrón!” the people usually laugh at my accent.

9. I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial. No. If I speak in public here, my “gringoness” is undeniable and always noted. I’ve also never spoken or been asked to speak in front of a “powerful male group.” I’m more into doing independent poetry shows for hipsters, artists, and music fans.

10. I am never asked to speak for my entire racial group. As a gringo in Mexico and the only gringo my Mexican friends and family know intimately, I am often asked to speak for my entire gringo group.

15. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color without feeling in my own culture any penalty for such oblivion. No, if I remain oblivious to the language and customs of Mexican people, I would not be able to communicate with my wife or family. In other words, I wouldn’t have a wife or family.

16. I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider. I cannot publicly criticize the Mexican government, police, or Narcos for fear of being murdered or disappeared, as is the fate of many journalists in this country. Being only seen as an “outsider” would be fine with me.

Furthermore, since Covid, it appears that nobody can criticize the U.S. government without being seen as an “outsider.” For example, I oppose using U.S. tax dollars for cluster bombs in Ukraine and another war that has no end in sight. I think people who publicly said the vaccine would stop the spread of Covid should lose their jobs. I think Covid likely originated in a lab in Wuhan, and that should be mainstream news and something people are concerned about. I think Iraq, Afghanistan, and nearly every U.S. intervention since WWII has been criminal. I think RFK Jr. is a reasonable man who’s character is being attacked by mainstream journalists because he is a threat to Big Pharma, the military industrial complex, and Big Food. See what I mean? I am an outsider. This article will likely make me more of one.

17. If a police officer stops me, I can be sure I haven’t been singled out because of my race. No. The last time my cousin and I were pulled over in Mexico we were intimidated and extorted for 600 pesos (or about $35 USD). Our race and the fact we are gringos likely had something to do with.

18. I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to “the person in charge,” I will be facing a person of my race. No, I have never seen a gringo in charge of any of the establishments I visit in Mexico City.

19. I can easily buy books, children’s toys, posters, greetings cards or magazines featuring people of my race. Not in person. But yes, on Amazon.

20. As a child I had access to books where the heroes and protagonists were the same race or color as me. Yes. But my real heroes were NBA basketball players, who were almost never the same color as me.

21. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, or feared. No. I often feel outnumbered, isolated, and straight up foreign in this city.

22. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having co-workers suspect that I got it because of race. It is less likely I will be hired by an “affirmative action employer” because of my race. Luckily, I was able to find a job in Web3 that hired me based on the content I produce and makes a point of not taking my race or political beliefs into account. Worth noting, as I send out my book proposal and manuscript to literary agents and publishers, it has become obvious that I’m less likely to attract their interest because of my race. “White straight male” is a dirty word in academia and publishing right now — and I’m guilty of all three labels.

23. I can be sure that the gatekeepers in my life such as my boss, my local MP or my landlord are the same color or race as me. Definitely not. I can be sure that they are not the same race as me, nor do they speak my native tongue.

24. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, the color of my skin will not work against me. Probably not, but my lack of health insurance will.

25. I can choose make-up or bandages in flesh color and have them more or less match my skin. I don’t wear makeup or flesh-colored bandages.

26. At school and university I could be sure that most of my teachers were the same color or race as me. Growing up, many of my teachers were the same race as me, and many weren’t. For example, my kindergarten teacher was Japanese and my third-grade teacher was Black. They were both awesome. At University, most of my teachers were white — like me. Somehow, I was still charged the same price as everyone else and left university with 100K + in student loan debt, despite getting nearly straight A’s. Here in Mexico, where I live, I can be sure that if I return to school, none of my teachers will be same race as me.

So, there you have it. The test claims that if a person answers more than 13 out of the 26 questions with YES, than white privilege plays a role in their life. The website where this test comes from even offers a “personalized White Privilege prescription” for all you White Privileged mofo’s out there. Fortunately for me, I don’t appear to need the medicine. Phew! [wiping white sweat from white forehead].

However, while I don’t have WP according to this test, there is a type of privilege I do have. It’s called “American Privilege” (AP) — or as I like to call it, “Gringo Privilege” (GP). In fact, my pale-as-the-moon ass is dripping with Gringo Privilege, and it’s played a pivotal role in shaping my life, my opportunities, and my potential future.

Unfortunately, while there are dozens of WP tests online, I haven’t been able to find a test for Gringo Privilege. So, I decided to make my own.

If you’re a ketchup-eating, American sports loving gringo like me, I invite you to check out the second half of this article below: