I Thought Grandmas Weren’t Sexy — I Was Wrong

Chronicle of an Open Marriage #22

Here’s a surprising statistic. Six days after joining a new dating app, I’m here to report that the age groups that “like” this 67-year-old woman the most are 20-somethings and 30-somethings. Who knew?!

Just five weeks ago, I was writing about the exciting time I had at a stripper party, including the idea that the extremely attractive 30-something man I met there was an off-limits child. But now I’ve changed my mind. He’s not off-limits! Because hey, if a young and studly and handsome man wants me, who am I to say that’s wrong? :p

I was surprised and curious about the enthusiastic reception, so this morning I counted up the likes and made note of the ages of the people who bestowed them.

In the six days I’ve been on the app, three people in their 70’s indicated they “like” me — meaning they might want to chat online, meet in person, hookup for sex, or go on a date. Also 14 people in their 60’s, 17 in their 50’s, 13 in their 40’s, 27 in their 30’s, and 28 in their 20’s, for a total of 102.

This seems unbelievable! It’s also absolutely contrary to what I’ve been told by the media for my entire life, which is that women over 50 are over the hill as far as sexual attractiveness goes. Turns out, that’s not true.

“But are they playing her?” you might ask about the avowed admirers. I certainly did. But the answer seems to be no — at least not most of them.

One 26-year-old wannabe gigolo did suggest charging me to hear him speak French. (I’m still pining for the French-talking Hungry Man who left me at the altar. Dammit!) I hope he was joking, but can’t really say. I responded “Hahahah!” and the conversation ended.

Some of my admirers have a fetish for older women. When a 30-year-old who looked manly in his photos asked if we could meet in person, I agreed to have a conversation in a public place. But when he showed up, he looked like a child — he weighed maybe 120 pounds — so we chatted a bit before I sent him on his way. Among other things, he told me he watches “granny porn” online. I hadn’t known that was even a category!

But others don’t seem to be bothered by age. Like Satchel Paige said, “Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.”

Age didn’t enter the conversation when the 40-year-old man in tech marketing talked about how much he wanted to bone me. And he sounded sincere. So did the 31-year-old man in the Air Force. Discussing when he might be able to drive up from his base to meet me, I asked the airman if he wasn’t bothered by our age difference. He said no. He thought it was hot…

I should clarify here that I haven’t actually gotten any physical love outside my long-term marriage — yet. And it’s possible these men are all talk, no action. But still, their talk is encouraging.

When we opened our marriage six months ago, I didn’t want to date. I wanted my husband to. But then Hungry Man flirted with me online, which got me interested. Then his wife pulled the plug, which got me frustrated. Next, I got on a polyamory dating site, but the one man I liked there ghosted me. And then finally, I got on this new app, and here, as if by magic, the studly men are lining up. I’ve currently got about 10 flirtatious conversations going on.

I have to say that I’m very much enjoying chatting with these young, horny men. After 40 years of marriage, Hubs overlooks my charms. But not so the newcomers, who don’t mind telling me what they like about my chat and pictures. It feels very pleasant to be admired.

But as a woman new to polyamory, I also have to admit that my feelings are mixed. Just two weeks ago I was proclaiming myself a demisexual, a term new to me, which means you need to make an emotional connection before wanting sex. Then yesterday, I was soliciting the man in tech marketing to meet in person for a hookup (he didn’t respond).

And then the other night, when I had what I guess you’d call my second “date” (if the conversation with the man-child counts), the man I was meeting was late and I practically had a heart attack. It was so anxiety-producing! All dressed up and waiting in the restaurant, I felt like I was waiting to be called in for a job interview.

That date was with someone close to my age — an accomplished man of means (with a sailboat!) who’s been in an open marriage for years and is looking for a friend first, and a lover later. We had a lovely time getting to know each other over dinner and drinks. But when I got home, Hubs seemed disturbed. While he’d love me to have sex with other men and keeps prodding me, he’s not glad about me developing a new friendship.

“Remember this experiment is about making our marriage more enjoyable,” he said. “It’s not about you getting serious with another man.” Hmmmm.

He even got on a new app in search of women, saying he wanted to have a backup plan if I left him. (I think he was joking?) Eight women liked him right away, which I call a win since I’ve heard finding matches is much harder for men. But when he liked two back, they disappeared. Then he deleted the app from his phone.

All of these details make my head spin. This new marital landscape is a lot to survey. It’s probably a good thing that I’m going into the woods for a week, where I won’t have Internet access to apps, and Hubs isn’t joining. Instead of revving myself up by seeking new connections, or hearing what others (Hubs) think is best, I can calm down and ponder what I want for myself.

One thing’s sure, I’m glad we started this adventure, wherever it leads. And I’m pleased and energized to realize that grandmas are considered sexy by men of all age groups. All women are potentially sexy! And that sexual energy and power is something we might want to stop ignoring and learn how to wield. I know I do.

What happened next? Read Chronicle of an Open Marriage #23. Find all of my stories about opening our marriage on the list below, or about sex in general on this one. Get an email whenever I publish. And have a pleasantly surprising day.