I Taught My Sister How to Get Revenge On Her Best Friend
You could take a leaf out of my book
“Your bestie just texted me — ‘Awww. You’re SO sweet,’” I said to my sister.
“Why did she say that?” she inquired.
“Because I am?”
“No. I mean, What did you text her that made her say that?” she inquisitively asked.
“Happy birthday, my sister’s bestie!”
“Oh!” she was trying to look nonchalant.
“Oh? Wait! Did you not wish her a happy birthday, yet?”
“No! But I’m good.” She looked nonchalant.
“You’re good? What happened to you two calling each other first at midnight on each other’s birthday to wish a happy birthday all these years?”
“Well, she didn’t wish me a happy birthday this year. It was only last month. I’m not going to already pretend that she did. I have self-respect.”
“Self-respect? Do you mean ego? Because there’s a fine line between self-respect and ego. Maybe she didn’t wish you a happy birthday because she was busy or she had her own problems. Maybe she genuinely forgot it was your birthday?” I said, confusedly.
“Forgot? Please. She saw all my Instagram stories on my birthday.”
“Right. Even if she deliberately did not wish you a happy birthday, your idea is to get revenge on her special day?”
“Whatever.”
“Do you want to get revenge? Fine. But get the best revenge on her.”
“This better be good,” she was trying not to look curious.
I, spontaneously, decided to throw some stoic philosophy into the mix to sell my point. “You give up on revenge, you give up on getting even — because you already won. You’re already better by not being that person. The best revenge is — not to be like that. Not to be like them. Their punishment is being who they are.”
“Okay. Wow!” She looked curious.
I continued. “Birthdays are our rare chance or valid excuse to make people feel special, regardless of how close they’re to you. You do not want to rob them of that joy, especially if you’re her bestie. Wish her a happy birthday — wholeheartedly. It’s a win-win situation. As Ricky Gervais once said, ‘Don’t take yourself too seriously.’”
She wished her bestie a happy birthday — half-heartedly. And I’m being generous here.
“Did you get any response, yet?” I asked her after a minute.
“She hasn’t even opened my message.”
“People don’t always have their phones in their hands. They have a life. So give it time. Wait for nine more minutes, if you’re thinking about unsending that message,” I said with such maturity.
On the eighth minute, her bestie responded. “Thank you so much, darling. Happy belated birthday wishes to you, too.”
My sister got her birthday wish, too, although her birthday was 48 days ago.
It’s a win-win-win situation, which was better than I expected. It means a win-win-win-win situation.
This month, I had my birthday. Do you know what my close friend Jennifer didn’t do?
Before you assume she didn’t wish me a happy birthday, you should know by now I’m basically a real-life Ted Lasso. In fact, a better and funnier version of him. How could she not wish me a happy birthday? Of course, she wished me a happy birthday. BUT — she wished me on my Facebook wall.
OUCH! She has never once missed wishing me personally. I’m a random stranger now? For some reason, this felt worse than not getting a birthday wish at all.
Her birthday is coming soon — September 17th. Get ready for my revenge, Jennifer!
I’m booking a flight ticket to California to surprise her on her special day, just to tell her, “Happy birthday!” and casually boop her on the nose before I catch my return flight on the same day.
How’s that for revenge for the most beautiful girl?
Let’s hope she’s not going to surprise me by already having made plans to celebrate her special day somewhere else other than California.
If you want to meet me in California and casually boop ME on the nose, DO NOT — I repeat — DO NOT scroll down:
