I Struggle With English

Summary

The author humorously reflects on the challenges of navigating the differences between American and British English.

Abstract

The article titled "I Struggle With English" delves into the author's personal struggles with the English language, particularly the variations between Modern (American) English and Queen's (British) English. The author, who is proficient but not infallible in English, acknowledges the complexity of using the language correctly in its two dominant forms. The piece humorously points out the discrepancies in spelling, pronunciation, and vocabulary, such as "Zed" versus "Zee," and the confusion that arises from these differences. The author also pays homage to writers and editors who manage English as a second language and emphasizes the importance of editorial guidance in improving one's writing.

Opinions

The author expresses admiration for writers who master English despite it not being their first language, suggesting that other languages may be more intuitive or logical.
There is a clear frustration with the inconsistencies between American and British English, which the author believes can lead to misunderstandings or errors in writing.
The author finds the variations in spelling and vocabulary between the two forms of English to be an "age-old problem" that is not improving with time.
The use of humor to address the complexities of English indicates the author's light-hearted approach to the subject, despite the underlying challenges.
The author values the role of editors in maintaining language standards and acknowledges their contribution to refining written work, although there is an initial resistance due to "stubborn pride."
The author suggests that the precision required in scientific measurements (e.g., Fahrenheit and Celsius) is more straightforward than adhering to English language rules.
The author playfully criticizes the English language for its potential to cause confusion, referring to it as "English detention," implying a sense of punishment for those who struggle with its intricacies.

Modern versus Queen’s

English is my only language and, while (or is it ‘whilst’?) I am proficient at it, I still bugger it up. Especially nowadays as I dabble — and butcher — English in its two dominant forms: American (aka Modern) and UK (aka Queen’s).

Mega kudos to all the writers who work tirelessly on their English when their native tongue is so often more lyrical — and sensible.

It’s an age-old problem But it’s not ageing well That spelling’s fine in the UK In the US of A, that doesn’t sell

While playing in Modern Whilst working with Queen’s If I mix up the two Someone will scream

The alphabets can’t even agree Is it Zed or is it Zee? Should ‘alphabet’ end with a vowel? Do I put a Zed where an S should be?

Remove the ‘u’ from a word And you dishonor all colour Which makes you just another English language marauder

Aubergine sounds fancy Eggplant does not Cilantro or Corriander Depends where you were taught

I’m going back To trusting in science Using Fahrenheit and Celsius Is easier than English compliance

Neglect my language setting And things could be missed Mixing my jargon Editors get pissed

But ‘pissed’ can go two ways Whom would have thunk It could mean angry Or good, as in drunk

Draught a rough draft And I’ll tire of tyre Mix an arse with an ass The results could be dire

Fulfil with two ‘L’s All Brits, behest Modern English fulfills In American protest

Notice that light, silver metal Did not get a mention I’ve spent enough time In English detention

Again, kudos to all writers of all languages, but particularly those for whom English is a second (or third or fourth) language.

And a genuine thank you to all editors. Once I see past my stubborn pride, my writing always improves having seen through your eyes.

Poetry. English. Language. Humor.

I Struggle With English

Modern versus Queen’s