I Started Ordering My Food Under The Name Karen And You Should Too

The struggle of having a “difficult” name.

“Okay… and what’s the name for the order?”

That’s the kill shot for me.

It gives me flashbacks of school. Having a substitute teacher in class was my worst nightmare. Every time they pulled out the class roster and began calling out names, chills ran down my back.

I’d sweat my ass cheeks off as they got closer to my name.

Once the teacher read off the names Billy, James, Sarah, I braced myself for impact.

“Khaaaaadeyejaha?”

The whole class would bust out laughing in tears. It was their morning laugh after their moms dropped them off. This didn’t just happen in elementary school. It still happens today.

That’s why I changed my name whenever I order food, and honestly… it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

I don’t feel like doing the work of correcting a white person when they say my name wrong.

The mispronunciation of Black names by white people is a real issue.

It underlines the ethnocentrism that white people have. Like, unless your name isn’t something like Karen or Dave, you have to brace for impact like me. What can white people do about this?

I don’t know. Most people would say ask someone how they pronounce their name instead of butchering it.

However, I sing a different tune with this.

While I think it’s important to keep white people in check when they mispronounce your name… I’m too lazy for that.

I don’t even want to put in the work of telling someone how to pronounce or spell my name. After a thousand times of spelling my name, I just don’t have the energy anymore.

So here’s my new rule:

Whenever someone asks for my name, I’m calling myself Karen.

Conversations over the phone have been a lot easier, now I can order my food with no trouble.

Bless the pizza guy down the street who takes my pick-up orders over the phone.

I call my order in quite often to get pizza or wings for my cheat nights. I’ve told him my name is Karen so many times that whenever he asks for my phone number, he says “Karen?” because I guess they put it in their system.

I always do a huge sigh after that phone call because now I don’t have to waste ten seconds of my life telling someone how to spell and pronounce my name even though they’ll forget it later on.

So I shimmy on down to my local pizzeria and just tell them my name is Karen and I obtain the goods and move on with my life.

Don’t be ashamed if you want to temporarily change your name.

I’m not ashamed of calling myself Karen to strangers.

I know that white people should be held accountable for mispronouncing a Black person’s name. But sometimes it gets tiring holding white people accountable too. It’s all unnecessary labor to me.

Sometimes you’d rather just throw the white people a bone and say you have a name like theirs. I’d rather see them surprised I’m Black than waste time teaching them about my name.

It’s no shade towards your real name if you want to change it.

It’s not about being ashamed of your name. It’s about self-preservation. So, choose any name you want. Pick a name!

Susan, Justin, Ashley, Emily, Jason, they’re all up for grabs. I chose Karen because it’s a meme and funny to me.

I promise it’s okay.

Final Thoughts

Bottom line: if you feel like you have to change your name for a bit to avoid the labor of teaching a white person about your name, do it.

Preserve your energy. It can improve your mental health in so many ways. Sometimes having a conversation with the pizza man that’s ten seconds shorter goes a long way in keeping you sane.

See ya later, Susan.