I Spent 3 Months on the Mexican Border with a Tyrant
Five valuable lessons learned from a horrible boss.
LAST US EXIT
That’s what the sign on the freeway looks like as you exit in San Ysidro, California. That sign is huge. It’s about three times the size of a normal highway sign but I always had anxiety that I would miss my exit and wind up in the long line of cars to cross the border into Mexico.
I wasn’t worried that I couldn’t get back and I wasn’t afraid of Mexico. If I accidentally crossed, it would take me several hours to get back and I was headed to work. Being on time is important to me.
I agreed to work in this store for a single holiday season. Three months was the deal.
A new shopping center had been built at the border of Mexico. When I say at the border I mean right at the border. The hill above the employee parking lot was watched by border patrol agents in Jeeps and a razor-wire fence stretched as far as you could see. Kind of a strange sight at first but I got used to it pretty quickly.
The company had a hard time staffing that store when they were opening it so I was sent to help for a few months until they could find someone permanent. I would get to go back to my home store in January.
It was busy there. That international border is big and tens of thousands of people cross every day to work and to go to school. They travel back and forth to buy goods as well. The San Ysidro Port of Entry is the largest land border crossing between San Diego and Tijuana. It’s also the fourth-busiest land border crossing in the world. The outlet mall that had just been built there was projected to be very busy.
Working with the tyrant
It was a sunny, mild day in November 2001. I walked into work without a word and put my stuff away. I clocked in and headed to the sales floor to ask where my boss wanted me. She was a white woman: Tall, slim, and loud with long, curly brown hair. I was a young Assistant Manager at the time, still learning, so I mostly kept my head down.
She approached me in a hurry. She was carrying media from the night before in her hand. Receipts from the registers — that kind of stuff. You took this check wrong, she snapped. I opened my mouth to ask her to explain but she cut me off before I could get a word out. Go look up how to do it right and come back and tell me how to do it. She shoved the check at me.
I walked away without a word, my head down, and did what she said. I don’t remember now what I had done incorrectly. All I remember is that I hated that woman. She never missed an opportunity to make me feel stupid. I tried to never speak to her unless she approached me first. I stayed quiet and focused on the work, hoping I wouldn’t get noticed. The last thing I wanted was an interaction with my Store Manager.
She was the type of leader that made people feel small. She was the Store Manager of a store at the border and she spoke no Spanish. She didn’t even try. She wasn’t kind. She didn’t appreciate people’s business. She didn’t appreciate anyone. She thought that everyone should speak English. We’re in America, she would say all the time with a snarky attitude. She would hurl those words like she owned the place. We were literally on the border — get a grip. I’m a white lady too and I don’t speak Spanish but I could get by.
I could get by because I tried. I cared about communicating with people so I made an effort. I could speak and understand enough to help people with sizing or basic direction. And when you’re immersed every day, inevitably you pick things up. You have to try pretty hard not to learn some of the language.
Customers didn’t like her either because they saw her for what she was. Selfish. She thought she was superior. She wouldn’t even try to speak in Spanish. Everyone can learn hello and goodbye in another language. It’s not hard. We had some sales associates that spoke almost no English. I was able to communicate with them just fine, even with my limited Spanish. She would make the other managers that were fluent in Spanish talk to those associates.
Occasionally people would go to lunch and never come back. I QUIT written on the bathroom mirror. Her staff retention was awful. No surprise.
She ran around all day stressed out. Everything was a 5-alarm fire. She made everyone else tense too, just by her presence.
Towards the end of my time there she said she thought that the District Manager might not let me leave because they hadn’t found anyone else to take my place. I left him a voicemail later that day letting him know that if I had to stay any longer than that it might be more than I could bear. I remember those exact words. I could not stay there.
I didn’t work there very long before I was transferred out, as promised, but I remember her so well. I remember the stress of her presence. I felt like she was always looking over my shoulder. My only good days there were her days off.
Before I left she offered me her two cents — I don’t think you like it here very much.
How would you even know, I thought. She never talked to me unless she was telling me something I did wrong. I couldn’t wait to leave even though I enjoyed the staff and I liked practicing my Spanish.
I learned a lot from her. I learned how not to treat people. I learned how to not make people feel afraid and feel awful. Just do the opposite of what she did.
These are the five things that I think of to this day:
Don’t talk down to people. Even if people are new they can understand basic concepts. Help them. Partner them with someone seasoned if you don’t have the time to devote to their training personally.
Connect with people on purpose. When someone walks into your building, consider that a privilege. Make an effort to connect with them even if they speak a different language. Even if it is difficult. Try.
Do not run around frantic at all times. When you act like everything is level-10 importance, people will not know when it’s not. They also won’t know when it is. It’s confusing. Also, it makes everyone exhausted.
Be approachable. People need to feel like they can ask you questions. If they are afraid of you they will shut down and quit pretty quickly. It’s tiring to come to work every day and try to avoid the boss.
Coach in a supportive way. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s not a big deal. Maintain a steady attitude. People do not come to work to do things wrong on purpose. Teach them the right way and move on.
Hindsight, as always, is 20/20
Thankfully, I got out of that store quickly. I was lucky to have a District Manager that kept his word.
Three months is a short time but that experience left a lasting impression. It showed me how not to manage people. It showed me how to appreciate my customers and lead with humility. It made me respect the Store Manager in my home store even more and it made me grateful that I worked for a District Manager that listened to me when I needed help.
Treat your team how you would like to be treated. Slow down and listen to them. It’s pretty simple. Don’t let your title get in the way either. It means very little.
You can learn a lot from a tyrant. Just keep a low profile and know that you won’t be there forever. It will make you a better leader in the long run. Be a partner to those around you. Share knowledge. You’re all in this together.