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Abstract

at a secret research facility in Nevada located next-door to Area 51. “Maybe they’ll show me the aliens,” I joked. Suddenly, I was yanked out of the SUV by two intimidating men who resembled FBI agents. They told me to go inside.A scientist in a white lab coat greeted me at the door of the research facility and took me into a room that looked like a futuristic science lab. “Step in this pod,” she insisted. Of course, I did as I was told and entered a small pod with barely enough room to sit down.“Are you cozy?” the scientist asked.“Claustrophobic,” I responded.The scientist smiled, put a virtual reality headset on my face, and closed the pod’s door. Then, she turned a few dials and told me to count backward from 420. I heard a high-pitched hissing sound from gas entering the pod and began to feel sleepy. My eyes peacefully closed as if I were about to enter a period of restful slumber.When I awoke, I wasn’t in the pod anymore. Instead, I was in a video game encircled by a crowd of people who looked like cartoons. One of them introduced themselves as Steve, who said something that baffled my brain.“Welcome to the Metaverse.”<h1 id="ecbd">Here’s What Happened Next…</h1>I spent 100 days in the Metaverse with Steve and a few other people who were also part of the experiment. We bonded over our shared admiration for Elon Musk and created virtual worlds to demonstrate our high IQ.We also played a game that

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involved convincing each other that <a href="https://www.theverge.com/22310188/nft-explainer-what-is-blockchain-crypto-art-faq">NFTs</a> were worthwhile investments. But since we had to keep a straight face, none of us could do it without laughing. The prospect of <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/23/people-are-paying-millions-of-dollars-for-digital-pictures-of-rocks.html">paying a million dollars</a> for a JPEG is ridiculous. Right?After 100 days, I was pulled out of the Metaverse by the scientists in white lab coats. They told me to shower because I hadn’t washed in months, and there was a massive pile of bodily fluids on the floor of my pod.Apparently, humans have no control over bodily functions while trapped in virtual reality. Oops. Hopefully, that issue gets fixed before the Metaverse becomes popular with the masses.To conclude, I lived in the Metaverse for several months as part of a scientific experiment. Of course, living in virtual reality without control of your bodily functions might seem weird. But I’ve done it. Which means you can, as well.Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? <a href="https://mattthenomad.medium.com/subscribe">Click here</a>.Important Disclaimer: This article is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. It’s fictional so please don’t take it seriously. Therefore, it should not be considered financial, legal, or any other type of advice.</article></body>

HUMOR

A Study Conducted In Virtual Reality Revealed Something Incredible

A story revealing my time as a human guinea pig…

Growing up, my parents said I would be at the epicenter of a massive technological innovation. The reason? I learned to code aged 12 and spent a lot of time with Elon Musk. He’s best friends with my father.

Anyway, my parents were correct. I recently became one of the first people to spend 100 days in the Metaverse. And while living in virtual reality wasn’t easy, it was certainly one of the most interesting experiences of my life (so far).

Here’s what happened:

I Was Invited To Participate In A Scientific Experiment

Can humans maintain their health and sanity while immersed in virtual reality for 100 days?

That’s what a group of scientists at a famous technology company wanted to know. And while I won’t mention the name of the organization that conducted the research, I will provide a clue by saying their leader rhymes with Zart Muckerberg.

After filling out several forms detailing my emergency contact and blood type, I was blindfolded and thrown into a black SUV. We eventually arrived at a secret research facility in Nevada located next-door to Area 51. “Maybe they’ll show me the aliens,” I joked. Suddenly, I was yanked out of the SUV by two intimidating men who resembled FBI agents. They told me to go inside.

A scientist in a white lab coat greeted me at the door of the research facility and took me into a room that looked like a futuristic science lab. “Step in this pod,” she insisted. Of course, I did as I was told and entered a small pod with barely enough room to sit down.

“Are you cozy?” the scientist asked.

“Claustrophobic,” I responded.

The scientist smiled, put a virtual reality headset on my face, and closed the pod’s door. Then, she turned a few dials and told me to count backward from 420. I heard a high-pitched hissing sound from gas entering the pod and began to feel sleepy. My eyes peacefully closed as if I were about to enter a period of restful slumber.

When I awoke, I wasn’t in the pod anymore. Instead, I was in a video game encircled by a crowd of people who looked like cartoons. One of them introduced themselves as Steve, who said something that baffled my brain.

“Welcome to the Metaverse.”

Here’s What Happened Next…

I spent 100 days in the Metaverse with Steve and a few other people who were also part of the experiment. We bonded over our shared admiration for Elon Musk and created virtual worlds to demonstrate our high IQ.

We also played a game that involved convincing each other that NFTs were worthwhile investments. But since we had to keep a straight face, none of us could do it without laughing. The prospect of paying a million dollars for a JPEG is ridiculous. Right?

After 100 days, I was pulled out of the Metaverse by the scientists in white lab coats. They told me to shower because I hadn’t washed in months, and there was a massive pile of bodily fluids on the floor of my pod.

Apparently, humans have no control over bodily functions while trapped in virtual reality. Oops. Hopefully, that issue gets fixed before the Metaverse becomes popular with the masses.

To conclude, I lived in the Metaverse for several months as part of a scientific experiment. Of course, living in virtual reality without control of your bodily functions might seem weird. But I’ve done it. Which means you can, as well.

Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here.

Important Disclaimer: This article is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. It’s fictional so please don’t take it seriously. Therefore, it should not be considered financial, legal, or any other type of advice.