I Sacrificed the Present of Peace for the Presence of Family

Summary

The author describes a personal struggle between maintaining peace and being in the presence of family during a difficult visit, ultimately leading to them being asked to leave.

Abstract

The author of the article shares a deeply personal account of sacrificing the peace of mind and heart, as described in John 14:27, for the sake of spending quality time with family. Despite careful preparation and a strong desire for familial connection, the visit is marred by tension and conflict, culminating in the author being told to leave after an argument over kitchen etiquette and differing standards of cleanliness, particularly in the context of the pandemic. The author reflects on their own feelings of frustration and self-criticism, as well as a hurtful comment from their mother wishing they were not so germ-conscious. The experience leaves the author in need of support and processing the painful events that transpired.

Opinions

The author believes that their efforts to maintain cleanliness and follow a special diet were misunderstood and disrespected by their family.
There is a sense of regret and loss for the peace that was sacrificed in the pursuit of family togetherness.
The author feels that their family's lack of hygiene practices, such as not washing hands, is a significant issue, especially during a pandemic.
The author's standards, both professionally and personally, are seen as challenging and possibly contentious to other family members.
The author is introspective and self-critical, agreeing with their mother's sentiment that their germ-conscious behavior is problematic.
The author is seeking help and guidance to process the events and their emotional response to the situation.

I Sacrificed the Present of Peace for the Presence of Family

“You need to get all your stuff and get the hell out!”

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God says in John 14:27, “I am leaving you with a gift — peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

So, in my subtitle, when I said “present” that was not a misuse of the word. I meant that I sacrificed the present God gave me to be in the presence of family and now it feels like I’ve lost the presence of peace.

My last few articles became an unintended series as an unintended series of events played out in my life with a family member. I felt in my heart to visit anyway — not for the holiday per se but because all schedules aligned for some quality time. After weeks of preparation on my end, I was looking forward to the time and I think my heart still desired it. So, when I awoke a couple of mornings ago, I decided I would not let the devil win.

I showed up and the devil beat me here.

I was greeted with “don’t put that there…” as I unloaded my kitchenware and groceries for my special diet.

I decided to remain calm and stay because I need the social interaction. I need hugs. I need love.

The next day, an argument ensues because I go to use the bathroom while doing my morning routine in the kitchen. Upon leaving the kitchen and walking to the bathroom, I was asked if I was done in the kitchen. I replied, “no.” About ten minutes later, I walk back into the kitchen and they’re in there cutting vegetables.

The next day I’m yelled at and told to “get the hell out” because I left a splatter of food on the counter while still cooking. I was told on the way out that their boiling point was when I asked them to not move my things but to ask me to move them instead. I was told, “why would you leave it in the way?” As though I knew it was in the way and would intentionally do that. The assumption was that I did that on purpose.

So, they watched me sanitize my stainless steel bowl and utensil because they do not wash their hands, and I know COVID can live on these items for days. And what I did not know was that my request for them to not touch my items and watch me sanitize them was “boiling” them and a splatter of food on the counter, while I was still cooking, was the “boiling point.”

I hate that I am the way that I am. A family member text that she wishes “you weren’t the way you are” before I arrived. Now, I know why that hurt me. It is not just because she’s my mom but because I agree with her.

Sucks, but I am germ-conscious in a pandemic and it is hard for me to not wipe stuff before I touch it when in the house with people who don’t even wash their hands when they leave the bathroom.

I have standards that challenge others — from professional to personal.

So, I got the hell out. While my sweet potato bread baked, I cleaned the splatter off the counter and packed all my things in the car. By the time I finished packing, my bread was done, and I took the six-hour drive back home and got there at midnight.

Yes, my family (my dad) told me to “get the hell out” and forced me to drive six hours at night the day after Christmas.

I don’t really know how to process all of this. Any help is appreciated.

I don’t care about claps and comments on this one. This is a cry for help.