THANK YOU NOTE

I Should Have Said, “Happy Mother’s Day”

I didn’t know you were the one who loved me. Not all moms have given birth — some just gave life.

Dear Helen,

“Happy Mother’s Day.” I wish I’d said these words to you when you were alive.

I didn’t know. I knew there must have been someone because I had memories. Lovely memories. I remembered:

saying my prayers warm water running from my head to my toes giggling being in someone's arms smiling people happiness

Memories that had nothing in common with my life. I knew I wasn’t right — that something was wrong. But I didn’t know what.

I don’t blame my birth mother. It must have been hard for her to raise a child that was critical of her every move. She told me I was too picky. Even as a small child, she resented that I could do things better than she could — only because I’d learned to do what I was supposed to do.

Put your books away before you get out your blocks. Cover your mouth when you sneeze. Say thank you. That’s not yours. Don’t touch it. Pick up your toys. Good girl. You’re such a good girl.

Yes, you taught me to do what I was supposed to do and to be nice. Maybe I’d have been nice; without you. I don’t know. But my memories of when I was with you were always there. You weren’t, but you couldn’t help that.

You taught me there was order in life, “Drink your white milk, then you can have some chocolate milk.”

There was kindness. There were smiling faces. There was comfort. Life was safe. People were kind. You liked me.

You loved me. You loved me.

I didn’t know.

On your 90th birthday, you called me aside and told me. You told me you loved me and that the most painful experience in your life was when they took me away from you. I hadn’t known.

I didn’t know. It’s been years and you’ve been gone for such a long time. It’s still not sunk in completely. My life has been interesting. I’ve done well.

Mostly, I’ve been kind and given others…

Helen, I see now that what I’ve given others came from what you gave me.

What I’ve given others came from what you gave to me.

You were the one that gave me life.

You never birthed a child.

You birthed life.

You birthed my life.

Happy Mother's Day!

Love, Little Katie and old Katie

I wrote this note for the woman who raised me until I was 3 1/2 years old. I didn’t know, but I had memories. I’m sharing it here in Trista Signe Ainsworth’s lovely publication, Thank-You Notes, for all those who have never birthed a child but have been mothers.

I have birthed, and it is the greatest experience any woman can be blessed with. I’ve also parented children I’ve not birthed. The comparison does not apply. It’s not a competition. Thank you to all who have nurtured children.