I Should Have Ordered the Charbroiled Kobe Filet Instead

Dave hurried home after signing the limited liability waiver for the home make over prize he won on “The Price is a Gazillion Dolares.”

He hoovered his new Alset into his driveway and jumped out as it slowed to a stop.

“Robbie, park Alset in the garage.”

“Yes, Dave.”

Running inside, Dave barreled through the house glancing at all of the upgrades installed by “The Price is a Gazillion Dolares.” In the living room, his Blade Runner and Demolition Man movie posters were stacked in a corner to fit the new 86” LED/Hollis Holographic 101 TV on the largest wall of his living room.

In his galley kitchen, the Montreux Techno 60" Dual Fuel Range with Full Width Warming Drawer and Multi-Function European Convection Oven — 8 Burners + Griddle + Rotisserie and the Stoney Wares Seismic 101 Food Replicator took up all of one wall. On the opposite side, the kitchen cabinets had been removed to fit in the 86” sliding glass door refrigerator, fully stocked and his Gatyam commercial dishwasher. There was no room left over for a kitchen sink or pantry. No matter, his robotic Robbie could shop daily.

“Robbie, are you here?”

“Si, Dave. Bienvenido a casa.”

“Switch to English, Robbie.”

“Lo Siento, Dave. Wilkommen zuhause.”

“That’s German, Robbie. “

“English? I’ve got it now. Welcome at home, Dave.”

“Good enough.” Dave answered as he took in his bedroom furnishings. His new Tiajuana Nirvana supersize bed took up most of the floor space, but no matter, the ceiling was now twenty-five feet tall, accommodating three rows of his new Acquafredda Torrente wardrobe on voice controlled auto-track, sorted by early summer, late summer, and super summer.

“Bist du hungrig, Dave?”

“I’m starving.”

“May I suggest the Charbroiled Kobe Filet with . . ?”

From his Niar Shower, Dave replied, “I’d love to have a good old-fashioned Cheeseburger. Grilled, medium, Sharp Cheddar, Roma tomato, mayo, on a sesame seed bun.”

“When would you like that ready, sir?”

“Give me five minutes,” Dave answered as he toweled dry with his over-priced never-going-to-be-fair-trade-after-the-last-drought-synthetic bath sheet and sat on his Dodo electric toilet seat.

“How would you like your buns, Dave?”

“Toasted.”