Self-doubt | Thoughts

I Share My Darkest Secrets With You

And I still can’t truly open up

I love reading the articles of the writers I follow on this innovative platform. Writers love writers. We get each other. The writers I have connected with here are open, charming, and humble. I love those qualities, it’s authentic.

What I have noticed is that their posts manifest a thousand claps in a day. Me? I compare. I hustle and bustle over my articles for a couple of days or almost a week, and that isn’t to say my writer friends don’t. They are worthy of those claps. This is about me.

I notice I’ve been feeling frustrated and my self-doubt is growing. I don’t get many claps and I cannot help equate that to the quality of my work. I know this cannot be true. Yet, because of who I am and what I battle with each day, this may sound benign, and unimportant. But I am new and not good at connecting, never have been.

Social media has turned me into a dopamine addict

I detest the way social media warrants my worth and value through claps, likes, and follows. Who invented that shit. That’s messed up. It makes me wonder about the inclusion theory. We all need to belong, be liked, be accepted. Over the years it has actually pulled people into corners and made them feel either liked and accepted or a minority, a loser.

What comes out of oranges when they are squeezed? Orange juice.

I remember social media at the very beginning because I am in my fifth decade. It wasn’t toxic then, and no one cared about likes and follows and identities. We just poked each other. Well, I did; I poked one guy. A lot. That was then and it only takes a decade to change a whole lot of life. But this shit has escalated.

I never thought I would ever succumb to its provocative nature and if you saw my earlier posts back in the day it was all so innocent. Connection is good, it’s healthy. We need each other but not at this rate. Crazy, grabbing, and demanding for likes.

Chantal believe in yourself goddamn.

It triggers me

Imagine being in a field, at a concert. Maybe not a concert but you’re in a field and there is a magnitude of people there. Imagine trying to get everyone’s attention to show them your wares. I don’t get this modern era. I know my friends I have and they get me. I doubt myself on platforms.

But am I being paranoid?

I like what I publish and I still like it if no one claps and likes it but that social media thing has got to my brain and makes me doubt myself.

Love you guys. Loads of you have been so cool and wonderful.

I truly appreciate you 🤍

© Chantal Weiss 2023 All Rights Reserved