I See You

I used to be you

To the girl who strives to be invisible,

I see you. Don’t believe me?

I have lived many lives and dreamed many dreams

I see you because I see my eyes looking back at me,

So tired that you act like the energizer bunny, so

Anxious that you’re laughing like everything is funny,

It’s the only way that you can keep yourself from crying and

Even still, sometimes there’s nothing you can do to keep the

Tears from sliding down your face, but it’s okay:

Don’t believe what the world feeds you. Healing is not a race, it’s

The sting of the alcohol on a fresh wound, it’s the

Slow, slow burn that you’re hoping would just end soon

The scab that seems to hold on for forever and a day

The scar that needs the touch of time to fade away, it’s

Okay.

I know you don’t believe me and when I was in your shoes, these

Words were so hard to receive that more often than not, I

Spit them out, so bitter.

Easy, you don’t have to swallow, just consider somebody

Coming out on the other side

It takes two hands to count the number of times I should have died,

I know I look put together but, girl, these nails are press-on

Learning how to turn heads with a secondhand dress on and

I remember that I used to be so angry, so hotheaded, some might say

So hardheaded, when I got mad, I’d hit my head on the floor

Ripped things off the walls, often things I adored and when I came to

I was heartbroken about the things I watched my trauma do

To me, the outside world makes it look so, so easy,

Don’t believe the hype

Nobody really enjoys fruit that isn’t ripe, even if they say so,

Masks look like faces, these days, people act like

Healing is a race these days, self-care has been reduced to a

Pyramid scheme, lotion but it’s multilevel marketing

Don’t believe it, your skin is fine just the way it is, I know you’ve

Been crying, I know you hate it, I see all the serums you’ve

Been eyeing, I know. But save the money and leave the man

I know you won’t listen but these words are coming from a woman whose

Eyes used to glisten, my mascara used to run and I

Don’t cry easy but he made me feel dumb, I let the tears slide down

Until everything felt numb and when I finally got the nerve to

Call it quits for the last time, I dogged myself because I said

Last time would be the last time,

Easy, you’ll fall but get up faster than before, getting better doesn’t

Mean you won’t encounter closed doors

Let them stay shut, they’re like that for a reason

To everything, there is a season and this is yours for the

Taking, this is not a mask, no faking, and believe me when I

Say I’ve got a long way to go, but I see you standing there

At the crossroads, even on the days that it feels like you’re standing still,

You’re not walking backward and that is something

Your past is not your future and his handprint lives in your heart but

Handprints can’t hit or punch or leave marks, claim your memories but

Don’t gaslight yourself into believing that the memories aren’t real

Because you’re healing. When you find yourself standing where my

Footprints are, you’ll see a girl far behind you with eyes like yours and

Her wounds will heal to match your scars, I know it’s so easy to say

That it’ll be okay, that the question is,

What about today? I had to let so many today’s bleed into tomorrow’s

Before I realized it was my time and not something borrowed from

Somebody who was everything I wanted to be, girl

I see you the way somebody saw me.