I Regret . . . Things I Have Said
Unfortunately, there are no “do overs” in life.
From the time you were a child you learned to speak and you quickly understood the power of using your voice and your words to impact the world around you. It’s probably safe to say you didn’t always have a clear understanding of how those words might be received by the person(s) receiving those words.
I know I didn’t. How many times did your childish mouth blurt out the ill-conceived words “I hate you,” to the parent whose unconditional love for you inspired them to impose restrictions or disciplines on an immature child to protect them or to guide them to a responsible adulthood? How many times did the selfish child in you speak harshly to a playmate because you didn’t know a better way to express your emotions after losing a game in the playground?
It’s Not Just a Childish Reaction.
Regrettable words don’t stop when you pass from childhood to adulthood. How many times have you lashed out at your significant other in an emotional outburst caused by feelings of misunderstanding or betrayal? Have you ever spoken regrettable words to a boss or coworker that altered the course of your working relationship going forward? There is no delay button on your tongue — unfortunately. It is all too easy to react from emotion and speak before thinking things through or taking the time to calm down and determine a more rational course of action.
Words, once spoken, are out there forever. They may be forgiven — but they are never truly forgotten.
How many times have you said . . . I have failed . . . to temper my spontaneous words with thoughtful responses and, instead, hurt someone’s feelings or damaged a relationship. I regret . . . That I have spoken words that cannot be retracted or forgotten and I have shown a side of myself that is ugly, even to me. I have learned . . . (Here’s the tough part — because not everyone learns from this personal failure and regret) — to use my words to build a strong bond of understanding between myself and the person with whom I am speaking.
Ideally you have learned empathy from this path of regret. You have come to understand that everyone in your life has feelings. Your words have power — for good and for evil. Because I have seen the damage caused by using my words like a sword to cut someone else down to size, I have learned that I can use my words to forge stronger relationships — relationships where I am still free to express disagreement, disapproval or disappointment — without damaging the psyche of the other person. This regret — The things that I have said, the things that you have said — can often be one of the most powerful, long-lasting and difficult regrets to erase.
You won’t always have the people in your life that you offended — time, distance and mortality will come between us all — so the sooner you learn from this particular regret, the sooner you can build better communication skills — ways of interacting with others that won’t leave you with the feeling that your words have scarred someone or left your relationship with them weak and damaged.
Apologies will never undo the words that have been spoken in haste, anger or frustration. So, while it is right and wise to seek the opportunity to apologize if and when it becomes available, it is far better to learn from this regret and not create so many future moments of regrettable verbal outbursts.
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