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Abstract

p>psiloveyou.xyz</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*[email protected])"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="7e64">It often feels like I am losing a war with the darkness.</h1><p id="da0c">I used to let depression tint my perception but no longer. I decided I don’t care how I feel. <b>I don’t care if I feel depressed. </b>I’m still going to force myself to do everything I would do on a day I’m feeling well. That includes taking long walks and exercising, writing, playing guitar, sewing, and studying for an exam.</p><p id="f61a">I no longer care how I feel. Feel depressed? I don’t care.</p><p id="bbd0"><b>I will not listen to the excuses anymore. Whats the point?</b></p><p id="7780">The point is I have goals set and a purpose I will see manifested in my life time.</p><p id="38e5">The point is I care about myself enough to say F-U to depression and suicidal thoughts.</p><p id="bddf">I’m going to make the best of my life. I am going to stick around.</p><p id="7643"><b>I am going to rejoice with the people God put in my life.</b></p><p id="3ef6">When people ask me how I’m doing, I don’t care how I feel, I’m doing amazing. I’m awesome. I’m great. Thank you. How a

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re you?</p><p id="943e"><b>Depression? Nope. Not here.</b></p><p id="e4a5">I will accomplish my goals.</p><p id="3557"><b>Goal #1 Wake up and thank God for another day.</b></p><p id="898b">I am currently on disability but I have plans to work again and bless others and be a blessing. I appreciate that in my time of need I have disability to fall back on, for that I’m grateful. But I’m not gonna sit around and do nothing with the rest of my life. I am going to make something of myself.</p><p id="9e2c"><b>Everyone who has ever been depressed knows how hard it is to keep up with your activities and your daily routine while depressed.</b> I struggled for years, letting depression get the best of my talents and abilities. But not anymore. Like I said before, I do not care how I feel. It is of no importance to me. I simply keep going in the direction I wish to go in.</p><p id="6696"><b>I have goals to work again. I have creative goals to write books, give lectures, and make music. I have goals to write everyday.</b></p><p id="c876">In the midst of what was once depression I find myself, pick myself up, and start living my best life. No one is going to live my life for me. I have to live it myself. <b>I’ve let depression get the best of me for too long. It no longer has a hold on me.</b></p><h1 id="508f">I am free.</h1></article></body>

I Refuse to Be Depressed

I’m over it. I’m through with it. I’m over being depressed. I have a diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder: Bipolar type. I’ve been diagnosed for about 8 years now. I’ve had happy times in those eight years, but in the past two years I have struggled deeply with psychosis and depression.

Depression is linked to psychosis and even when I’m not actively psychotic I am usually depressed over intrusive thoughts, sins I feel I’m committing in my mind, what I will call my situation, and feelings that I’m not good enough, or not enough.

For those who are interested, I wrote a previous article on what its like to live with Schizoaffective Disorder.

On Love and Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

It’s been over a year since I began to have intrusive thoughts and hallucinations, as well as delusions of grandeur…

psiloveyou.xyz

It often feels like I am losing a war with the darkness.

I used to let depression tint my perception but no longer. I decided I don’t care how I feel. I don’t care if I feel depressed. I’m still going to force myself to do everything I would do on a day I’m feeling well. That includes taking long walks and exercising, writing, playing guitar, sewing, and studying for an exam.

I no longer care how I feel. Feel depressed? I don’t care.

I will not listen to the excuses anymore. Whats the point?

The point is I have goals set and a purpose I will see manifested in my life time.

The point is I care about myself enough to say F-U to depression and suicidal thoughts.

I’m going to make the best of my life. I am going to stick around.

I am going to rejoice with the people God put in my life.

When people ask me how I’m doing, I don’t care how I feel, I’m doing amazing. I’m awesome. I’m great. Thank you. How are you?

Depression? Nope. Not here.

I will accomplish my goals.

Goal #1 Wake up and thank God for another day.

I am currently on disability but I have plans to work again and bless others and be a blessing. I appreciate that in my time of need I have disability to fall back on, for that I’m grateful. But I’m not gonna sit around and do nothing with the rest of my life. I am going to make something of myself.

Everyone who has ever been depressed knows how hard it is to keep up with your activities and your daily routine while depressed. I struggled for years, letting depression get the best of my talents and abilities. But not anymore. Like I said before, I do not care how I feel. It is of no importance to me. I simply keep going in the direction I wish to go in.

I have goals to work again. I have creative goals to write books, give lectures, and make music. I have goals to write everyday.

In the midst of what was once depression I find myself, pick myself up, and start living my best life. No one is going to live my life for me. I have to live it myself. I’ve let depression get the best of me for too long. It no longer has a hold on me.