Summary

The author is coping with devastating personal news by maintaining daily self-care habits, seeking support, and acknowledging the non-linear nature of healing.

Abstract

The author describes a recent experience of receiving life-altering bad news on an otherwise great Sunday. Despite the initial shock and overwhelming emotions, they have developed a coping strategy that involves maintaining certain daily habits, such as writing and exercising, while giving themselves permission to let go of others. The author emphasizes the importance of seeking help, whether through therapy or reaching out to friends and family, and cautions against using harmful substances as a means of coping. They acknowledge that recovery is a slow and non-linear process that requires patience, the right support, and healthy coping mechanisms.

Opinions

The author believes in the power of daily routines, even in times of grief, to provide stability and a sense of normalcy.
Asking for help is seen as a sign of strength, not weakness, and is crucial for recovery.
There is a strong opinion against using alcohol, drugs, or other temporary pleasures as coping mechanisms, as they only exacerbate the problem.
The author stresses the importance of time in the healing process, emphasizing that recovery cannot be rushed.
The author holds the view that healing is not a straightforward journey but a complex process with ups and downs.
They advocate for a balanced approach to grieving, allowing oneself to feel the emotions while also engaging in self-care and productive activities.
The author encourages readers to support their work and the broader community of writers by becoming a Medium member.

I Received The Worst News Of My Life This Week. Here’s How I’m Coping

I don’t want to live right now

It was a perfectly lovely Sunday afternoon when I got the phone call.

I’d been having a great day. I woke up early, played football with my mates, ate a great breakfast, and then sat down to write.

As I reached the halfway point of the article, my phone rang.

It shouldn’t have rung, my iPhone was set to ‘Do not disturb’ — which means someone had bypassed the DND mode by calling me more than once in the space of 2 minutes.

I already had a bad feeling as I saw who it was and answered the call. As soon as I heard the news, my stomach sank. My heart broke into a thousand pieces instantly.

You know that moment when you can literally feel your heart break? I hope you don’t.

I was devastated and hung up because I couldn't say much beyond a few expletives.

My entire body trembled, and I felt my knees get weak. I had a pit in my stomach. I could feel anxiety, fear, and heartbreak course through my entire body.

I’m not quite ready to reveal the news yet, but I want to tell you how I’m dealing with it — with the hope that this helps you during your own tough times.

Daily Minimums

In times of tragedy, good habits go down the drain because you don’t feel like doing anything, let alone something hard.

A few hours after receiving the news, I decided which of my habits I was going to forego momentarily, and which I was going to try hard to do every day.

I’d stop waking up early, trying to eat right, meditate, and be super productive every day
However, I’d keep exercising, writing, and doing my self-care practices like my skin-care routine

During difficult times, you need to find a balance between letting yourself just be and dealing with what’s happened in the right manner.

In my case, I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, but not use alcohol and smoking to cope.

I’m letting myself wake up late in the day and be unproductive, but I’m still forcing myself to write and do some small work tasks.

What I do even when I’m grieving are my daily minimums. They’re moderate things that I can do, even during times of tragedy.

Figure out your own daily minimums to keep yourself on track even when you’re in a bad headspace.

Asking For Help

I feel weak, I feel broken.

But I also feel strong because I’m seeking help.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. A human that’s strong and secure enough to ask for help when they need it.

I’m paying for costly therapy despite not wanting to, because I know it’s the right thing to do
I’m opening up to friends and family despite being a staunch introvert because I’ve accepted that I can’t get through this alone

Don’t let your ego get in the way of your recovery.

Nobody is an island. As a human, you can’t survive on your own, without the wheels of society and a support system. So what makes you think you can get through the worst of times alone?

‘Help will always be given to those who ask for it — Albus Dumbledore’

All you have to do is ask.

I Know What Not To Do

I’m not a particularly smart or strong person.

But one thing I’ve learned is that coping by using the wrong things will only make things worse.

Many of us use booze, drugs, and pleasure as coping mechanisms. Those things have never solved anybody’s problems, only created new ones.

The desire to numb your pain can be overpowering, at a time when you have the least power in you to fight it.

Even if you do end up engaging in intoxicants, don’t be a fool and rely on them to make anything better. Be aware that they’re just numbing gels, not cures.

And please don’t expect anything to get better quickly. People who haven’t had the misfortune of dealing with tragedies expect recovery to happen quickly.

‘Give it time’ — 3 of the most cliche words in the English language, but also the 3 of the truest words.

You have to give it time. You have to accept and internalize the fact that you’re not going to feel better for the next few days and weeks, at the very least.

You have to be patient. Recovery is a long process that you can’t hasten or circumvent.

Yes, you didn’t deserve this. Yes, this shouldn’t have happened to you.

But it has. You (and I) need to accept that it’s happened and despite you not choosing it, it is now your problem to deal with.

It’s not going to be a linear path or a straight upward trajectory. Healing is a long, slow, and messy process with plenty of ups and downs.

But if you choose the right coping mechanisms, seek help, and give it time — the sun will shine again and you will start to feel like yourself again.

I wish you lots of strength, love, and healing.

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