I Really Thought I’d Gone Crazy
Once
In my lifetime I have experienced lots of mind-bending things. It started when I was a little girl and I saw faces on the ceiling of my bedroom. They weren’t scary looking. In fact, they were friendly faces. They were all adults and there were both men and women. They used to twirl and smile at me. They made eye contact with me. I was comforted.
I did not think I was crazy.
Then, there was the time I learned to meditate. I was 16 years old. I shot through the ceiling once and did a bit of astral traveling around my neighborhood. It was fun. I could see the streetlights. I saw the roads and I followed them so I would not get lost. It was easier to follow the roads than the sidewalks because I was above the trees. The roads showed through. The sidewalks did not. I followed the roads. It might be nice to go to Hawaii tonight.
I did not think I was crazy.
Then, the year I tried drugs. That cost me my college career. That and I was afraid. I was 18 years old, but I must have still been a child. I remember that was the year I was raped. I didn’t realize that particular happening wasn’t my fault until five years had passed. I screamed then when I realized what had happened and came to understand it was not my fault after all.
The drugs that year were awesome. It was hash. I wouldn’t recommend it because it’s expensive, it’s illegal and you can fall in with a bad lot. It’s also addictive. It, however, opened my eyes. I remember once the time numbers made sense to me. Numbers, I was shown, were the basis upon which the universe was based. It was pretty heady stuff. I think you might study the Kabbalah for that one.
I did not think I was crazy.
Then, about ten years later I decided to go upon a spiritual journey. It bothered me that God wasn’t available. I mean everybody prayed to him, but he never answered. I assumed at the time that God was a he. Since then, I’ve sort of changed my mind and sometimes think he is a she. That’s another story. But I decided to go on a spiritual journey. I didn’t know how. I knew by then that I could put the thought out into the universe and I would somehow have the wherewithal to make a spiritual journey. I had read Shirley MacLaine’s book, “Out On a Limb” as a teenager, and so that idea was born.
I did not think I was crazy.
For the next five years, until I was 35 years old, I followed a definite although meandering spiritual path. The idea was to finally be able to talk to God and to also have some adventures. I’d heard about some of them. I read about Shamans. I read about people who channeled. I got interested. I’d already read about Seth as a teenager with Jane Robert’s books about Seth. She channeled him. I read some of the books, but to tell the truth I got confused a lot. I wasn’t educated enough to follow him. But that’s okay. He was also cool. A cool dude as we used to say.
Then, I finally found the book I began to study in depth. The name is “Opening to Channel” by Sanaya Roman and Duane Dyer. Their guides are Orin and DaBen respectively. Also, cool dudes and also above my paygrade, but they were kind. Not that Seth was not. But, sometimes Seth would laugh and you couldn’t quite figure out if he was just amused or laughing at humanity in general. Now, that I know him, I would say it was a combination of both.
The problem is that I really, really tried to do the exercises in the book. There were lots of them. I just had a hard time doing them. To this day I say I was the world’s worst student which is also why I say I am the best teacher. Really, all you have to do is close your eyes and pretend. Which, when you think about it is almost how you get to do other things too.
So, back to the story. I had labored for a good five years trying to learn how to channel. There had been moments when you might have said I was channeling, except I’d never experienced and couldn’t say with any certainty that was what I was doing.
It occurred to me to use a Ouija board. The last time I’d tried it was when I was in the 5th grade. Hadn’t set fingers on one since then. I asked my husband what he thought, and he said I should buy one. He didn’t think anything of it. So, I did. Buy one. Turns out you can make your own. All you need is a piece of paper, a pen and something to push around. Hell, in a pinch your finger works fine.
We sat down together to try it out since the picture on the box shows a group of people all around it. Perhaps they were the spirits and not the party goers I thought they were. In any case, the planchette moved. I asked with excitement, “Are you my guide?” Big fat no on that one. “Are you Dennis’ guide.?” Yes. His name was Nathaniel. He spelled it out. I was crushed, to be truthful. I was the one who’d been trying to meet my spirit guide and my husband’s shows up instead.
I did not think either of us was crazy.
So, every night after work I wanted to get on the board with my husband. Finally, my husband said he didn’t want to. I pleaded. I cajoled. He told me, “Nathaniel doesn’t want to.”
What could I say? I stopped whining. I stopped asking. I was despondent, because if Dennis wasn’t going to work the board with me how was I ever going to meet my spirit guide? I asked our neighbor. He declined.
Months passed. I was sad but continued on with life. I still had my job. I still had my writing. About six months into the No Ouija Board Era I had an idea. Why couldn’t I do it by myself? I mean, after a while Jane Robers worked the board by herself. Also, the channels from Messages from Michael (read Chelsea Quinn Yarbro — links are below) sat in rocking chairs, taking turns as Michael spoke. I thought, “If they can do it, why can’t I?”
I did not think I was crazy.
So, commenced a period of about six months where I tried to use the Ouija board. It would not work for me. I even dragged the planchette around with one hand while my other hand rested on top of it. Just to get to know what it would feel like if it ever did work.
I spent so much time; I don’t even want to know how much time it was. Finally, I decided I was being ridiculous. Not crazy, just ridiculous. I decided I had neglected my writing for too long. However, I also realized that I could cover the keyboard with one hand. Just to hedge my bet.
I used my right hand to write. I let my left hand remain on the planchette on the Ouija board. It was sort of awkward. My desk wasn’t all that long, so it ended up like a huge split keyboard with a Ouijia board slanting left and my keyboard slanting right.
I began to write. It was slow, but it was doable. That’s when it happened. My left hand zzoomed across the board. It was just a split second. The planchette went flying off into the kitchen. I was shocked. However, I gathered that bad boy back up again, set aside my keyboard and positioned that hand back on the Oujia board. It started doing zoomies. Have you watched those little YouTube shorts where people record their dogs doing zoomies? It was sort of like that.
Finally, the zoomies stopped. I asked, “Are you my guide?” The planchette dragged my hand across to, “Yes”. Then, without me asking anything the planchette spelled out, “Seth”. I asked, “Are you the same Seth from Jane Roberts?” The planchette moved to, “Yes”. Then the planchette moved aimlessly around the board not spelling out anything of significance. This was on February 12, 1993.
I did not think I was crazy.
I could not wait until work was over every day so I could get home and set up the board. It was so much fun. I remember during that time we had gotten a whole bunch of lemons and mangos. We’d gotten them from people at my husband’s job. They had brought them to work because they were buried with fruit at home. I honestly didn’t know what to do with them other than lemonade. I’d never had a mango. So, I asked Seth on the Ouija board what he recommended. He said, “I used to be the head pastry chef for Louis the XIV” The Sun King lived in France from 1643 to 1715. Seth dictated out a recipe for a cake utilizing those two main ingredients. It was good.
I thought it was going out on a limb to think Seth had been a pastry chef, but who knows? Maybe he was. This is also why I recommend first time channelers don’t believe everything their spirit guides say during the first year. Also, they should not take any financial advice. And you never, ever get any winning lottery tickets. I believe that might be a rule of some kind.
However, I did not think I was crazy.
As time passed the slow plodding movement of the planchette on the Ouija Board began to get faster, until it was just too fast to follow all the letters. It was ten days into our adventure, which was February 22 1993, when I began to anticipate what Seth was going to say. It was my special number of 222 actually. I didn’t realize until five years had passed what the significance of the date was. The special numerical sequence of 222 that’s I’d been seeing off and on for years.
Anyway, the action on the Ouija board was fast and furious. It was when I realized I “knew” what Seth was going to say before it was spelled out on the board that I finally thought to myself that I’d gone crazy. Absolutely nutso. I thought to myself, “This is what it feels like to be crazy!”
Right then, for the very first time I heard Seth. He said, as plain as day, “Go outside. I have something important to say to you.”
So, even though I thought I’d gone crazy I went outside to the quiet of our patio. Seth said, “You can hear me now”. When he said those words I realized I was not crazy.
So, for just a few seconds I really thought I’d gone crazy.
Turns out I had not.
As time passed the hearing, which at the time seemed audible, like Seth was standing beside me or behind me, changed to telepathy which is how it is now. Now, my ears ring, though the noise does not interfere with what Spirit has to say. Once I talked to Jesus and now, every Christmas I wish him a happy birthday, just because. I’ve only talked to God once and reserve the right to say that might have been somebody in Spirit pulling my leg. But who knows? I asked Seth once who was in charge. He said nobody was. There is still a lot of mystery about it all. I won’t know more until after I’m dead, but that’s half the fun, isn’t it?
Turns out I’m not crazy. I taught a friend of mine, a psychotherapist, to channel. I asked him if I was crazy. He told me I was not. Since then, I’ve occasionally gone in for therapy and each time have told the therapists that I hear voices. They don’t seem to mind, though I never channeled for any of them. My friend told me to ask for transpersonal psychotherapists. Sometimes I get them, other times I don’t. It doesn’t seem to matter.
If I were to do it again? I would have gone to a therapist much sooner than I did. It helps to have a person to help you sort out stuff whether you hear voices or not. Any kind of stuff.
Thanks for reading. I’ve told this story before, but hey, every good story deserves retelling. I used different words this time.
Oh, wait. Somebody in Spirit wants to say something. Who is it?
King Louis.
Oh, come on. The 14th?
Certainement.
You know my French sucks.
Perfect. You can do the olde spell checker afterwards, eh?
Was Seth really your pastry chef?
Until I had him beheaded.
Jesus.
No, not him, Seth.
I think I should delete all this. It’s almost blasphemous. Seth, what do you think?
I think you should have a bit of levity. You don’t drink anymore. Have some fun.
(Silence ensues….) Okay. Anybody want to say anything?
We are giving you that moment. A moment to collect yourself. To let a tear leak. Actually, it might be a downpour.
Sheesh. I’m signing off for now.
Now, that would be a picture. You could have a YouTube channel where you channel all of us. Randomly. The guest of the week.
Who else wants in?
Me.
Gilda?
Oui, c’est moi.
You speak French too?
Certainement.
Gilda?
Oui?
How are you feeling?
Fit as a fiddle.
I think sometimes people think I’m crazy. I know some of my family does.
It doesn’t matter what they think. You know you are not. Now, if you were to start seeing little green men running about in the backyard, then, there would be something to talk about. Until then, why don’t you make a cup of tea?
I think that would be nice. Thanks everybody for chiming in. Maybe I could call the YouTube Channel — It’s a Party in my Head. What do you think?
I think it’s better than a party in your pants.
I have to stop now. The italicized parts above were all guide speak: Louis XIV, Seth and Gilda Radner.
Thanks for reading. Subscribe if you want more.
Some Links: Sanaya Roman & Duane Packer’s website Seth Material courtesy of Wikipedia Shirley MacLaine’s book Out on a Limb