Summary

A heterosexual woman reflects on the need for a supportive partner akin to a "wife" to manage domestic responsibilities and enable her to focus on her career, highlighting the systemic advantages married men gain from their wives' unpaid labor.

Abstract

The article discusses the challenges faced by a heterosexual woman who juggles work, education, and family life, emphasizing the desire for a "wife" to handle the myriad of daily tasks that impede her career progression. The author points out that while the gender pay gap is often discussed, the more significant disparity lies between married men and other demographics, with married men typically earning more due to the support they receive at home. This support includes managing household chores, childcare, and emotional labor, which allows them to focus on their careers. The author argues that behind many successful men, there is an overworked woman and that society often overlooks the unequal distribution of household labor, with men frequently overestimating their contributions. The article suggests that the work-life balance of many married men contributes to their career advancement, a privilege not afforded to women who are also mothers and wives, due to the incompatibility of modern work expectations with the demands of running a home.

Opinions

The author believes that the traditional role of a wife, involving unpaid domestic and emotional labor, is a significant asset that contributes to the career success of married men.
There is a perception that married women disproportionately support their husbands' careers by managing the household, which is not always reciprocated.
The article suggests that the gender pay gap is more pronounced when comparing married men to other groups, rather than between single men and single women.
The author expresses that if she had the support of someone to delegate household tasks to, she could have advanced further in her career.
There is an irony in the fact that men often view themselves as supporting their wives, despite typically earning more and benefiting from their wives' unpaid labor.
The author points out that while some men may contribute equally to household labor, statistically, women bear a heavier burden, which is often underestimated by men.
The article conveys that the modern work environment is not conducive to the traditional roles of a wife and mother, which can hinder career advancement for women.
The author reflects on the lack of free time and personal hobbies she experienced as a mother, contrasting it with the leisure activities she observes among married men with children.

I Really Need a Wife, Even Though I’m a Heterosexual Woman

I can’t compete with married men unless I also have their most valuable asset.

The first time I heard a heterosexual woman say she needed a wife was around ten years ago. She and I were both moms who worked part-time and had also chosen to go back to school full-time. We were juggling assignment deadlines, work schedules, volunteering at our kids’ schools, raising those kids, and running a home.

She had some extra errands to run that day and just needed someone to delegate them to. Someone who would do them correctly and efficiently, without complaining, without asking to be paid, or praised, or even thanked. She really did need a wife. We all do sometimes.

We need someone who will take care of all the extra little things that need to be done on a day-to-day basis, so we can focus on what’s important. We need them to do these things well, in a timely fashion, for free, without asking for anything in return. We also need them to know enough about the situation to not need extensive directions, and enough about our family (from their shoe sizes to their food preferences) to ensure everyone’s needs are met.

A wife is an awesome asset.

While researching the gender pay gap recently, I came across some interesting statistics. The pay gap between single men and single women really isn’t that big in most western countries. In fact, the biggest pay gap seems to be between married men and everyone else.

This won’t surprise many married women. We all know how much we do to support our husbands, which in turn makes it so much easier for them to focus on their careers. We can see how much easier our own work would be if we just had someone like us to delegate to.

Someone to organise our lives, get the chores done, take care of the kids, organise their lives, make the appointments, fill out the forms, buy the holiday gifts, wrap them, buy, write and send the holiday and birthday cards, attend the PTA meetings and just generally do the million little things that need to be done, but that really get in the way of focusing fully on a career.

It’s ironic that so many men still see themselves as ‘supporting’ their wives, who invariably earn less than they do.

In fact, married women tend to support their husbands’ careers, taking care of everything else, which is what allows married men to earn more, on average. If married men are out-earning not only women, but also single men, then surely it’s their marital status (or more specifically their wife) who’s making the difference.

Behind most successful men, there’s an overworked, overwhelmed woman.

There are always exceptions of course. I’m fairly confident that the comment section of this article will be full of married men claiming they do an equal share of ALL the work in their household. Such men exist, I’m sure, but statistically, married women bear an unfair burden when it comes to housework, unpaid caring responsibilities, and the emotional labor of running a household. And married men often overestimate their contributions.

In one 2020 study, 72% of fathers said they were doing an equal share of household labour, but only 44% of mothers agreed.

I know I could have been further along in my career by now had I not taken on the vast majority of the work of raising children and running a home.

I know that if I had someone who I could delegate almost anything to, for free, I’d have had thousands of hours of extra time to dedicate to my work. The landscape of work in the 21st century is fundamentally incompatible with being a wife, and even more so with being a mother.

I speculate that married men are so far ahead of the rest of us partly because of the excellent work/life balance many of them are able to achieve.

I don’t know any married men who don’t have free time. I don’t know any men who spend every non-work minute taking care of kids and other chores. I know married men with dependent children who play golf, and other sports, and go to the gym. They ride motorbikes and quads, just for the fun of it. They go hunting and fishing with their buddies. Or they watch ESPN for hours on end.

The only thing I watched for hours on end when my kids were young were Disney movies, and I was often folding laundry, sewing name tapes into school clothes, studying for my degree or working on a freelance article, at the same time. I didn’t have any hobbies when my kids were young, or any free time that wasn’t spent with them or on chores and errands that benefited them.

I’ve thought it through. There is one invaluable asset that would have made a big impact on my life, work, and success. I needed a wife. Especially when my kids were young.

Sometimes I still do.