I Ran Out And Left The Girl To Pay The Bill

But, it was her fault

I was young free, and single, in my twenties, at the peak of my physical shape and looking for some fun, I decided to prey on the needy and joined a dating website.

Shame on me. I hear you cry! At this age, I did not have a lot of morals; it was about one thing and one thing only, sex!

I joined a dating website and looked through the treats that could be in store for the weeks ahead; let's face it, if I offered, they were all going to accept, at least, this was my theory.

I picked out my top five and went to work through chat and emails; I described my sell pretty much to scale, accurately talking about my muscular physic, tall with dark hair, charismatic and would deliver a great night out.

Hook, line and sinker, we had a winner!

Louise was her name; she described herself as a blond bombshell, with all of her assets in the right places, a non-smoker, which was essential to me and full of beans.

I pictured a barbie doll, long blonde hair, big boobs, a thin waist and a set of pins to die for!

Well, this seemed like a match made in heaven, but there was a catch; I would have to wait four days to meet up as she was finishing off her holiday. Should I move on?

No way, she offered to show me her white bits, hey! I'm a guy, so I was not about to pass up that opportunity, so I continued playing the field online while waiting for my number one to finish her trip.

The day arrived, I "SSS" those in the UK will know what that means, put on a tight top, arse hugging jeans, a splash of Paco Rabanne aftershave, my hair was "on point."

A sneak look into the mirror to confirm that I was the complete package, smiled to myself in acknowledgement of my baby blue eyes, and I was off to the ball.

It would for sure be a great night; I could feel it in my pants…

I walked in and looked around; nothing took my attention; she must be late, I thought, still worth the wait, so I was not mad. Then I was approached by a woman, "hello sir, can I help you?"

I announced that I was waiting for a beauty queen, but she was yet to arrive; the woman asked my name, as I had a table booked; she said, your queen awaits and pointed to a table in the corner.

Wait, what? No, that can't be her!

Hold on; there must be a mistake; I walked over to the table, "Robert, how are you? I am Louise," Trying to cover my own embarrassment, and I splurted out a few words.

Louise laughed and told me not to be shy; she was expecting a more confident man; I had no words; I mean, her description may have been her many years ago; however, I could only describe what was in front of me as a plum!

She was more of a muffin top, short and plump, boobs that would touch the floor and a face like Coco the clown.

I am trying to be kind, but she was the letdown of the century; I started to make light conversation, Louise got to flirting straight away, saying she was so excited and was I looking forward to her white bits.

HELL NO, please keep them away from me, I thought.

I tried to steer conversations away to more practical things and even tried to be a complete tosser hoping to put her off, but she laughed at everything I said; she was really into me, crap, how was I going to get out of this one?

Louise went to the toilet, and I decided to call a friend; no, it was not a game show, and I did not have the chance of a 50/50; my friend was very supportive when I told him what had happened.

He responded with floods of laughter and told me to keep him updated, she returned to the table with a smile, but something was wrong; I could smell smoke.

She admitted that she was a smoker; that was the final straw; I went to the toilet myself, panicking. What could I do to get out of this? I saw a bunch of lads getting into a taxi outside.

Without saying anything to Louise, I decided to leg it; yes, I was a complete "tw*t" I left her to sort things out at the restaurant; I was a coward.

I tried to justify it to myself; she had lied about everything; at least my description was accurate, but I know that I was in the wrong even when I look back at things now.

I contacted Louise and paid for the night out about a week later; thankfully, she was not mad but agreed that she had pushed her luck in the hope of her "dream man," I guess that was a compliment.

I am waiting for your abuse; come on, people hit me with it; I was young and cocky, and this was my life. Regret? Maybe I have some now, but not at the time.

Written by Robert Ralph

Please would you buy me a Ko-fi

Join Medium here (Affiliate Link)