I Quit My Dream Job — A New Mom Tale

“Being a working mother means that each day is a constant balancing act and a perpetual series of compromises.” — Jodi Picoult

“I’m submitting a three weeks notice today”

Zack, my boss, immediately sat up from his computer chair. He stared at me intensely.

“No you’re not.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I shook my head while a large smile appeared on my face. For a moment I hesitated. I almost told him I was kidding. That I just wanted to see his reaction and it was a cruel joke to lighten the mood before lunch. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take another second of living like this.

It had been 5 months since I returned to work after maternity leave. 5 months of hell.

I was exhausted. I was fed up. I was ready for a change. A drastic change. So I did what a lot of working moms do. I quit my job.

“Oh I wish I was kidding.” I looked my boss in the eye. Although I was laughing I needed him to know I was serious.

“Wait, have you talked to HR yet?”

“Yeah I sent them an email this morning. They told me to come and talk to you and reach out to them tomorrow if I changed my mind.”

“Just give me 48 hours, I’m going to try to get you more money.”

“It’s not about money”, I replied as I looked down at the floor, frustrated that the world somehow believes money fixes everything.

He clearly didn’t understand, and how could he? I felt completely alone and unheard.

The sleep deprivation, the failed pump schedule, the relationship strain, the struggles to do quality work — these were are matters that were completely lost on him. They were lost on me. I was a new mom of an 8 month old little girl but I was also a manager well into her career. And while I was getting by, I wasn’t thriving in either of those categories. I sat with myself and I had to decide which one of those jobs I wanted to do my best in and I decided I needed to focus on being a mom.

I told him I would give him the 48 hours and walked down to my office.

I sat in my chair and let out a sigh from the depths of my belly.

“What did I just do?”

I looked at the ceiling hoping for an answer.

The week prior to my return from maternity leave, I texted my boss Kesha to let her know we were still good for the following week. My daughter was 15 weeks old and while I wasn’t ready to return to work, I couldn’t take anymore time off.

“Hey, I’ll be in on Monday. Is there anything I need to know ahead of time?”

“Yes, did you and Zack talk about the job opening?”

“Yeah he mentioned it to me.”

“Well we’re planning on giving you the role. As soon as it opens make sure you apply.”

“Really?” I was in shock.

“Yes, really lol”, she texted back.

I felt excited because I was finally getting recognized for the hard work I had done over the last year.

“It was a mess while you were gone”, my employees told me as soon as I walked into the office.

It was so bad upper-management decided I deserved a promotion. My work was finally recognized but only when I wasn’t there. I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or offended.

After a while I finally started my new job with my new boss Zack. He had been my mentor for a few years before so I was excited to work for him.

We discussed some of my needs as a new mom when I took the job.

“My daughter needs to be picked up by 4:30pm so I have to leave here by 4pm to get her on time.”

“Not an issue!”, he seemed excited for me to join his team.

“I also have to pump through the day”

“That’s not a problem either. Talk to Iva and get access to the Mother’s Room. And make sure you block out your pump schedule on the calendar.”

“Will do”.

It didn’t take long before my needs as a mom became a problem. No one would say it to me directly, but it often felt like I was choosing between being a mom and doing my work.

Meetings put on my calendar ‘mistakenly’ over my scheduled pump time.

Meetings scheduled after 4pm would pop up occasionally.

I felt like I was constantly reminding others, “I need to pump” or “I can’t stay, I need to pick up Aaliyah”.

It was as if I was screaming into the void.

And I was trying to set boundaries the best I knew how.

Meeting after 4pm? Declined.

Signs on my door would say, “Currently pumping, will be a available at whatever o’clock”

But I was a young and new mom and didn’t know when I was starting to sound like a woman with excuses. I knew I needed to set boundaries but setting boundaries requires energy that I really didn’t have. I was exhausted and I was barely getting by.

I felt like I had to compromise or else I would look like I wasn’t getting the job done.

After a while, I deleted the pump sessions and would try to pump during lunch or during virtual meetings.

Or I would get on conference calls while in the car, on the way to pick up my daughter. Sometimes they would run long and I would stick my daughter in her swing, go into the other room, and finish the call. When I returned I would have a frustrated, crying baby met with my own frustration and exhaustion.

It was a game of strategy and I was losing. I was losing bad.

It’s been 24 hours since I told my boss I was quitting.

It was 4pm and I just pulled up to my daughters daycare.

ping

I check my phone to see its a text from Zack.

“I have a meeting with HR in the morning. Give me the dollar amount you want and I’ll see if I can get a pay increase for you.”

“Zack, cancel the meeting. There is no amount. Don’t waste your time.”

“Okay.”

I get my daughter from daycare and put her in the car. She’s quietly sleeping in her car seat.

I sit in the driver’s seat and appreciate the silence for a moment.

It’s been 48 hours since I told my boss I was quitting.

I get a phone call from Zack’s boss.

I roll my eyes. I’m not excited for this conversation.

“Brittany, I heard you want to leave? What’s happening?”

“I really want to focus on being a mom right now. I feel like I’ve tried really hard the last few months to balance but I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job — ”

She cut me off before I was able to finish, “Jimmy from HR called me yesterday.” I could tell she was in her car as I heard the wind and echoes in the background. “I told Jimmy, just pay her what she wants so we can move on! He said you were going to just do the mom thing and I figured I can’t talk you out of it. I’m sad though because we had plans for you! I know this job sucks but you would’ve been in a new role in no time.”

“Thanks for calling, I appreciate you reaching out. I’m sending in my notice tomorrow morning.”

We ended the call. To this day I wonder if she thought she was helping.

I think that was my issue and why I felt motivated to leave the company. I felt like no one was helping. Like no one was hearing me. While yes, it was my responsibility to make my boundaries and uphold them, they felt like just one more thing I had to take care of after my kid, my job, my boyfriend, and myself. For me it felt like a pile of cords all wrapped up within itself and it was easier to throw it all away instead trying to unravel them.

So I quit. I walked away from my dream job to be the mom I always dreamed of, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Today I’m working again, at the same company but in a different job and with different bosses, but more than anything, a whole new perspective.

I will never apologize for being a mom. I will be a mom first before I’m anything else in life, and that’s my choice. I truly believe God, the Universe, whoever is in charge, will never punish me for being the best mom I can be. And if I’m in a job that doesn’t allow for me to do that, then I understand that it isn’t the right fit, and it would be time to move on.

You would be surprised at what life has on the other side of big decisions. I took 6 months off work and came back to a better job, more money, and a better work environment. And I understand that is a blessing and a privilege. Not everyone can quit their job so they can figure it all out. But what you can do is stand up for yourself and your family.

It is absolutely possible to be a working mom, but its freaking hard and it requires you to prioritize yourself, even over your kid some days.

It requires constant check ins with yourself and recognizing when you need a break. A break from work, a day away from your kids, a nap and a hot meal — whatever it is, give it to yourself and give in abundance.

You deserve it, and no one will understand that more than you.

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