HUMOR

I Put Cucumber as One of my Tags

Oh my, cucumber is more than a garden vegetable!

You know the 2020 thing: I lost my job. Don’t call me a boomer because those guys are way stuffy. I did not grow up with a mom and dad, a car, a TV, or any of the usual luxuries, so I don’t fit the stereotype.

It’s okay; life was interesting. Call me an old plant lady, call me a witch, but don’t call me a boomer!

Now that you got that.

After losing my job, I decided I needed to make a bit of money in case I had to buy socks or underwear. You know, the essentials.

I have stacks of stories, skills, and wisdom I could share, so I decided I’d write. Why not?

It’s hard because I’m horrid with computers. My brother is a nerd type and when helping me, he’d say, “Don’t worry. You can’t break it.”

Yes, I can. And I can mess things up.

Learning to write in Medium

I’d been reading on Medium for a few years, so I paid the $5 so I could write. It’s terrific! Everything is explained and easy to understand.

You can guess, can’t you? I mess it all up. Every blasted thing I do has to be redone.

I’m old, have no job, so what the hey! Time is on my side — kinda.

It’s been fun, and I’ve met some outstanding people. It’s like Facebook for writers.

I started publishing my writing

I started a publication. It’s called, “Welcome to My Not-so-Fancy Garden.” It’s not completed yet, but I can publish. I figured I’d put things there while I practiced writing and learned the tech stuff.

I wrote 35 drafts and published one in my publication. It was about how I fell in love with gardening. Sweet and informal, but likely not persuasive. I dislike talking people into things. I want to inspire.

My first post was curated!

Curated! That word!

OMG, I’ve read a hundred Medium posts on how to get curated, well, not quite a hundred. Okay, three, but it means the computer gods decided the post fit all the requirements and some humans read it and liked it so much they put it out there where more readers would see it! It’s a big deal!

How bizarre is that?

I was in shock and couldn’t write for over a week.

Today I decided to get back at it. I edited and posted another garden story about how I decided to grow cucumbers. I’d share the links to it, but I’m not good at that yet.

I remembered to add tags. Since it was about cucumbers, I made one ‘cucumber’.

I hit publish.

This evening I had a surprise

I got on my computer to see if anyone read my story. My daughter, granddaughter, and a friend in London read it and clapped.

Just like I told them to.

That’s my ‘building my platform,’ plan.

I might need to work on that. But, hey, I’m old, have no job, so what the, hey! Time is on my side — kinda.

Did I already say, “kinda?”

At the bottom of the screen was, “Other articles about Cucumbers.” Oh good, and I clicked. Here is what came up.

The cucumber article begins with:

“Some time ago, we were tasked with implementing an end to end UI automation testing framework to be used for an anonymous company’s native iOS and Android apps. We did a PoC of tools in the market and after some time we settled upon using Appium.”

Not what I was expecting!

Did you look at that tech article? What do cucumbers have to do with tech? JVM, did they mean jam?

I read some of it and thought, “That’s not English.”

That’s some other language. If I learn a new language, it will be Italian. At least if I learn Italian I could get an Italian lover. Every old plant lady needs an Italian lover!

This was too funny

I never run away from a good laugh at my expense. Laughter is one of the most important things about living. This year especially, we need laughs.

I will remember 2020 as the year I learned to write and the year I learned that a cucumber may not be food.