I Put 48 Proverbs Through a Thesaurus and the Results Are Hilarious

A conglomerate is only as muscular as its most flaccid intersection

I took some of these famous proverbs. I then changed some of the words using a thesaurus. If none of these makes you chuckle, you have my permission to smear yoghurt over my face.

1. An abominable employee forever finds fault with his puppet
2. A vertebrate in extremity is worthy of a pair in the pubic hair
3. Nonattendance initiates the internal organ to spring up more sentimentally
4. A submerged adult male intends to clench at silage
5. A buffoon and his coinage are before long perforated
6. All bang-up belongings ejaculate to an extremity
7. Always position your prizewinning substructure propulsively
8. An edible fruit in a twenty-four hour period keeps the medical practitioner outside
9. A barren tube-shaped structure causes so much haphazardness
10. An indolent mental capacity is the Prince of Darkness’s laboratory
11. Be bumper-to-bumper in reuniting your brain, but pokey in dynamic
12. It’s more appropriate to be pathetic and rosy-cheeked instead of flush and hallucinating
13. Gutless wonders suffocate galore ahead of their exterminations
14. Insults, like doormats, ejaculate farm to perch
15. Don’t seize with teeth more than you bucket grind
16. Don’t sting the extremity that fertilizes you
17. Don’t bump your own instrument
18. Don’t mould jewels in front of pigs
19. Don’t number your dastards before they incubate
20. Don’t transverse an overpass before you ejaculate toward it
21. Don’t murder the jackass that deposits the gilded roe
22. A conglomerate is only as muscular as its most flaccid intersection
23. Aboriginal wench grabs the louse
24. Casual ejaculate, casual crack
25. Barren containers are unable to remain firmly perpendicular
26. Every mist has a metallic protective covering
27. Buffoons hurry in where spiritual beings worry about trampling
28. Dandy belongings ejaculate to those who hold
29. If indirect requests were gymnastic apparatuses, paupers would float
30. If you frolic with combustion, you’ll get baked
31. There’s no utilization in yelling over discharged bodily fluids
32. Hold your oral cavity closed and your peepers ajar
33. Atmospheric electricity never bangs twice in the identical vicinity
34. Face before you bounce
35. Form fodder while the star radiates
36. Never examine the extent of H2O with both tootsies
37. Bang while the golf club is flaming
38. The top-grade-deposited arrangements go wide
39. The thornier you operate, the more serendipitously you stimulate
40. The skunk is greener on the opposite bottom of the barricade
41. The boulevard to purgatory is cobblestoned with groovy nuts and bolts
42. Disproportionate chefs bodge the soup
43. While the feline’s outside, the rodents will manoeuvre
44. You bum gimmick more space with sweetheart than with acetic acid
45. You fanny steer a gymnastic apparatus to H2O but you can’t make it crapulence
46. You can’t burst an apple-shaped nog in a rectangular opening
47. You can’t instruct an elderly frump to do fresh gimmicks
48. Folk who are bouncy in chalk shanties shouldn’t thrust rocks at leftovers