Summary

The article discusses the importance of defining and adhering to personal "Golden Values" or non-negotiables, as outlined in Sam Silverstein's book "Non-negotiable," to lead a fulfilling and principled life.

Abstract

The author of the article reflects on the transformative impact of Sam Silverstein's book "Non-negotiable," which emphasizes the significance of personal values in decision-making. The book suggests that by identifying core beliefs, focusing on what one can control, and defining a clear mission, individuals can establish non-negotiable values that guide their actions and lead to success in both personal and professional spheres. The narrative includes a real-life example of a banker who secured a deal by standing firm on his principles, illustrating the positive outcomes of upholding one's non-negotiables. The author shares a personal mindset shift, highlighting the importance of taking accountability and not making excuses, and encourages readers to define their own Golden Values to navigate life's challenges effectively.

Opinions

The author believes that compromising on one's core values leads to stress and unhappiness.
It is suggested that defining non-negotiables can positively influence one's career, personal life, and relationships.
The author expresses skepticism about the feasibility of a compromise-free career path and acknowledges the difficulty of staying true to one's values when faced with high stakes.
The article conveys that understanding and defining one's belief system is crucial in establishing non-negotiables.
There is an opinion that focusing on controllable aspects of life, such as providing quality service or helping family, can lead to better personal outcomes.
The author emphasizes that having a clear mission can illuminate the non-negotiables necessary to achieve it.
The author criticizes the tendency to make excuses based on external circumstances and advocates for taking control of one's life by defining non-negotiables.
The article posits that non-negotiables improve focus, eliminate excuses, and provide a framework for success aligned with personal values.
The author endorses the book "Non-negotiable" as impactful, having prompted a significant mindset change and the definition of their first Golden Value.

I Picked Up A New Book And My Inner Voice Now Screams At Me

How to define personal Golden Values

Have you ever been told to act against your conscience or to go back on your word?

Does it make you feel stressed and depressed?

Stop!

Why are you compromising on your Golden Values?

As adults, it’s not uncommon to be asked to do things that are against what we stand for. It could be that we are made to repeatedly work overseas when our priority is to serve our community. Or maybe we are made to unfairly modify the fine print of a customer contract when our priority is serving with integrity.

I have been in few such situations over my career, and have heard of several other incidents from my network. So when a friend recommended a book that spoke about “leading your life with your values”, I was intrigued.

The name of this book is Non-negotiable, by Sam Silverstein.

I wondered if it were possible to have a successful career by never compromising on one’s values.

No compromises seemed like the right way forward, but how can one stay accountable to oneself when the stakes are high?

People work hard to elevate their careers. Should they walk away from it if asked to compromise on their non-negotiables?

How should one even define these non-negotiables?

As a young professional, I had more questions than answers and I am happy to have taken up this book.

What you are willing to take a stand for is what ultimately produces your greatest and most enduring contributions in your life.

Identifying our non-negotiables according to this book

It was eye-opening to read the example of an enterprising banking professional who wanted to buy an existing bank and run it. This person almost lost out on the deal and his goodwill with the seller until he took a stand. He had an opinion that he ought to do what’s right but only after making it a non-negotiable did he seal the deal.

Defining non-negotiables will have a positive ripple effect in not only your career but also your personal life, and your relationships with others.

But how does one define them?

The author has written about three activities that help with this — identifying our belief system, recognizing what we can control, and defining our mission.

I like how he writes about how our belief systems are the bedrock on which our lives are built. A shaky foundation is dangerous and no one wants that. We define our beliefs, and then they define our non-negotiables.
The economy, politics, climate, etc. may not be in our control. Providing quality service to our customers, being a valued contributor in our workplace, helping our family members, etc. are things we can control. If we focus our efforts on what we can control, we will positively surprise ourselves with our efforts.
What is our mission? Do we have one or have we left it to the unpredictable bends and eroding boulders of the river of life? Can our mission be to uplift others and not suppress them? Once we define our mission it will shed light on the necessary non-negotiables needed to get there.

Oh, and btw, it cost the banker $100,000 to define his first non-negotiable.

What’s the point of this?

Without our non-negotiables life doesn’t work as well as it should.

We often choose to give up control of our health, finances, emotions, happiness, relationships, you name it. Defining our non-negotiables will enable us to reclaim control in these areas.

Our non-negotiables improve our focus on the task at hand. They remove the mental distractions of the world around them; they eliminate the excuses in our lives so we can do our best. They provide a framework for success in both our personal and professional lives so all our decisions can align with our values, even when the stakes are high.

Having read all this,….

I have witnessed a mindset change. My inner voice now screams at me, “Quit making excuses!”

If it weren’t for the challenges at work, I would have…..

If it weren’t for the pandemic, I would have…..

Stop! No more of that.

No more yielding control of my life to the circumstances I find myself in. Oh and this happens to be my first non-negotiable.

This book has enabled me to define my first Golden Value and left a big enough impact on my life to make me want to write this article after reading only 40% of it. I can’t wait to read on and summarize my thoughts on completion.

“People who focus on what they cannot control make excuses.

People who focus on what they can control get results.

People who focus on what they cannot control get bogged down.

People who focus on what they can control move forward.”

- Sam Silverstein

Summarizing the learnings thus far — When you want to excel in any area of your life like your relationships, finances, health, occupation, business, the author recommends that you know what you believe, what your mission is, what is in your control, and what is truly non-negotiable to you.

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