I Painted My Couches With Chalk Paint So You Don’t Have Too

Learn from me

First off, I just want to say that yes I know that I’m an idiot, but hear me out.

Tell me, if this idea landed in your lap you wouldn’t want to try it out? *crickets* Just me? *crickets* Well, alrighty then.

Well buckle up ladies in gentlemen because this is about to be a bumpy, crunchy, rant.

Yes I ruined my perfectly good couches for the sake of worthy YouTube content, Yes I now have to sit on what feels like a crunchy, itchy, rough, and uncomfortable couch, and yes you should love me for it.

In all fairness, I thought I was onto something amazing. Painting my couches with chalk paint didn’t necessarily sound like the best idea, but I don’t really listen to those voices in my head telling me to stop.

I did in fact have many family members give me the weird eye look, asked me if I really should be doing this, buttttt they also wanted to see the end result. I blame them for encouraging this behavior, shame on them.

The betrayal of family members man. How did they just turn a blind eye to this twisted mindset I had thinking I could turn my couches into some luxury looking art pieces with dang chalk paint! Man oh man, they are all written out of my will for this one. Uncle Larry, that signed baseball I have by Chipper Jones that you want? I’m donating it!

So How Did I Wind Up Here Some May Ask?

Well, this is what happens when a cheap bottle of wine lands in the hands of a bored, lonely, single mother, with nothing better to do than to explore YouTube during the best hour of a Mother’s day.

If you don’t know what hour that is, let me tune you in on the secret. It’s called shut eye hour, when your children shut them damn eyes and go night night.

Now that I have educated some of you on shut eye hour, back to my rant I go.

I am beginning to feel like the relationship I’m about to have with my readers is to teach y’all a lesson on what not to do in a lot of ways. If I can be 100% about one thing, it’s that this probably won’t be the last of me sharing something I did that you shouldn’t do.

Like seriously, do not paint your couch. All those YouTube tutorials on how to do this are LIARS! A bunch of heathens I tell you.

I followed every step like they did and I ended up with this crunchy piece of crap. I even pimped out my son to help me by making him think this was about to be awesome. His poor little soul had that spray bottle of water going around the couch spraying his little heart out. “Mom my hand is tired” Well too damn bad, keep spraying son.

I’m over here doing the easy part painting away going, “oooooohh this is going to look so good”. He’s looking over at me breaking a sweat asking if we can switch jobs, and I pulled out the “Maybe one day when you’re older” phrase that my parents use to say.

After days of child labor past by and we successfully completed this messed up idea of mine. I truly had high hopes for when it dried.

The pure disappointment when I sat on my couch and felt like my legs were about to bleed from the roughness of it all. I thought, this can’t be for real right now, rubbing my hand across it to be sure, getting up and sitting down again to be sure.

Yup, it’s for real, I did this, and I’m going to have to live with it.

And now here I am, pouring my heart in soul out into this warning message to all of humanity that will listen. I took one for the team, i took these bullets for you, I did it all for you. So don’t paint your damn couch with chalk paint.

And that’s on period love, as all the hip young people now say.