I Often Wonder Who I Am

Do you?

More importantly, dear reader, who are you? What are your dreams? And how are you going to get there?

You might be diving right in, thinking all these top writers are making big bucks; I can do that. Maybe you can. But a few weeks in, your enthusiasm wanes. You stop writing every day. What’s the point when nobody reads your heartfelt words?

Your dream dies, and you move on to the ultimate scheme that’s going to make you rich. My story includes selling Avon door to door as a teenager. That cost me more than I made because I loved the samples—fifty cute lipsticks in 1 inch high capsules in a handy display box. Poof, there goes this month's commission!

Next came L’Arome, copycat perfumes in an attractive sample box. I even recruited a couple of people to further my multilevel business (pyramid). Again, I took to the streets to sell my wares. Again, I met lots of lovely old ladies longing for a chat. Most of them felt sorry for me (or it could have been my sparkling small talk) and bought something.

I created an e-bay business selling my brother-in-law's handmade luxury automatic beds with memory foam mattresses. We did pretty well at that. But then he got a new partner investor who was a bit of an ogre. He insisted on calling the company Cumfy Beds. I pointed out that it sounded a trifle pornographic. They didn’t listen, though. The business closed after a few years.

My final failure in building my own small business was Kleeneze. The freedom to walk around my local area on a sunny day and deliver or collect catalogs was heaven! When raining, not so much. While my income was pretty good, it didn’t pay the bills, so I gave it up after six months. Also, the only way to expand was to recruit other people. I felt uneasy doing that, preferring a loner existence rather than leadership.

But what do these stories mean to you?

They are examples of my semi-successful yet ultimately failed attempts to achieve freedom from crappy sales jobs and mean bosses.

The following eleven years featured one excellent job and many crappy ones. But those years built my writing skills. Five years of learning to write fiction the right way changed my life. Grammarly, Autocrit, and now WritingProAid assist my technical writing abilities.

Viral success came not on Medium but Newsbreak. Not for technical writing but for a work of fiction.

While others have abandoned NewsBreak because they stopped paying for articles, there is still the chance of something I want to write about going viral.

The version of California Burning on this platform, not so much.

Who I am now

My dreams haven’t stopped here. Today, I am a full-time writer of anything I please. I am still growing by engaging with folks whose work I adore. Next week, I start a course to learn how to build an Earthship. Then next year, I plan to build one.

I have evolved since I left full-time employed office work as a manager for a communications company. Yes, my lifestyle has changed dramatically, but it’s one of less stuff and bountiful substance. Quality of life to me means doing what I can for the planet in small ways. I take no more than I need and buy second-hand clothes and refurbished furniture. Most importantly, I work on projects that bring me joy.

I feel pretty bad-ass for not conforming and wondering about and adapting to someone aware of their impact on this planet.

Who, dear reader, are you? Are you a bad-ass non-conformer and wonderer?