Summary

The author is ending their relationship with their refrigerator due to its declining performance and increasing maintenance issues, which have become emotionally and financially draining.

Abstract

The author addresses a heartfelt goodbye to their aging refrigerator, detailing the emotional and practical challenges that have led to this decision. The fridge, once a cherished addition to their home, has become increasingly demanding and unreliable, leading to frequent breakdowns and food spoilage. The author reflects on the fridge's past reliability and the good times they shared, including the early days of their marriage and the growth of their family. However, the fridge's recent behavior, such as inconsistent cooling and a malfunctioning light button, has become too much to handle. The author acknowledges the fridge's old age and the natural wear and tear but ultimately concludes that it's time to part ways, using the opportunity to invoke the wisdom of Marie Kondo and the concept of letting go of things that no longer "spark joy."

Opinions

The author expresses frustration with the fridge's increasing demands and the impact on their energy bills and emotional well-being.
There is a sense of nostalgia and sentimentality for the fridge's role during significant life events, such as the author's marriage and the birth of their children.
The author feels that the fridge has become less cooperative and more problematic over time, particularly after moving to a new home.
The fridge's inconsistent performance, such as prematurely spoiling food and freezing items excessively, is seen as passive-aggressive behavior.
The author humorously compares the fridge's age to its functionality, suggesting it has shrunk in capacity and efficiency as it has grown older.
The decision to end the relationship with the fridge is portrayed as a necessary step for both parties, with the author citing the need for closure and the importance of moving on.
The author subtly hints at the environmental implications of appliance longevity and the potential need for a replacement that is more energy-efficient and reliable.

SORRY SORRY SORRY

I No Longer Have the Emotional Capacity to Meet My Fridge’s Needs

I’m going to have to pull the plug on our friendship

Dear Fridge,

I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but I think you’ll agree when I say that our relationship has run its course. We’ve had some good times and some bad times… but lately, mostly just bad times.

However much I invest into your self-care, you’ve just been taking more and more. Frankly, your behavior is sapping my energy [bill].

I don’t know when your bad energy started but it seemed you seem to have gotten much clingier after our move. “Never put a refrigerator on its back” is what the experts say. But how do you suggest we carry one upright up five flights of stairs? The experts for once have no advice.

You certainly didn’t take that treatment laying down. Ever since you darkened our new door you’ve been quietly quitting us.

I know it must have been hard to leave our old rented apartment behind. That’s where my husband and I first brought you home with pride as newlyweds. Our future together was bright.

We didn’t ask your permission about adding new members to the family, and I know the extra little ones must have sometimes taxed your patience.

Like when my son started learning to stand and he was fascinated to find your light button in easy reach. He really punched your buttons — so much so that you just permanently shut down that feature. It’s been years, yet you still hold back in your righteous unforgiveness.

I know my daughter loves to open your door several times every morning. Like Schrödinger’s cat, you never know what surprise to expect inside the box until you open it — again. This daily routine may be wearing on your soul — and seal.

You’ve always been so even keel. But lately, you’re blowing hot and cold.

When I put something on your front shelf, you passive-aggressively make sure it expires before its time. But, if I push jars of jelly or jams (or heaven forbid a green onion) to the back, you envelop it in a Hans Solo-type all-encompassing freeze and, unlike Elsa, won’t let it go.

I have to pull the plug and get out the ice chipper just to remove your frozen hoard. So far, you’re responsible for 4 1/2 broken jars and a field of wilted onions.

This behavior is slowly draining my good humor — and finances.

It’s not all your fault. I realize you are eight years old which is about 1,032 in refrigerator years. Also, I think you may be starting to shrink in your old age.

When you first came, you seemed larger than life — or at least large enough to fit all the groceries we needed and a few tubs of ice cream. But now, I’m a head taller than you and we need more ice cream than you can hold.

I know you’re tired, but so am I. It’s better to have this honest discussion before we both have another meltdown.

Our time together has been great, and I’ll always cherish the memories we share. As Winston Churchhill, Geoffrey Chaucer, or Mary Poppins once wisely said: “All good things must come to an end.”

Goodbye, dear Fridge, and sorry. You’ve been a good friend, but now when I hold you close, you just don’t spark joy anymore.

Marie Kondo, Elsa, (and I hope YOU) will agree that it is time to let this relationship go.

That Time in a Bathroom in Europe

When Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

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may go to my next cup of coffee — or a new refrigerator! medium.com