I Never Follow the Recipe

Cooking as an exercise for a recovering perfectionist.

I currently have a rack of ribs defrosting in the kitchen, preparing to go in a pasta sauce for tonight’s dinner. I’ve never made pasta with ribs, but they’re one of three different types of meat my mother in law includes in her “Sunday Sauce,” so I know it’s possible.

I’ve yet to decide what else will be going in the sauce, and I haven’t looked at a recipe, but I’m confident that it’ll be all right.

This approach, however, shouldn’t be interpreted as any sort of indication that I know what I’m doing.

I don’t, and I kind of love that.

I’m a recovering perfectionist, and part of that recovery is frequently going out on a limb to do things I don’t actually know how to do. This eliminates any logical expectation of excellence which in turn allows me to enjoy the process.

I’ve always considered myself to be a creative person, but I spent years doing very few creative things because I cared so much about how they came out. It hurt so badly — even damaged my sense of self-worth — when I turned out something less than ideal.

Now, I try as much as possible to keep open the possibility of utter failure. This is harder, of course, when it comes to the things that are most important to me, but for things that really have no impact beyond this hour or this day, I’m completely unconcerned.

In fact, I relish the sense of “danger” that comes from taking a big creative risk. That’s how I think about cooking.

I can be crazy and creative and have a lot of fun with my food. The best-case scenario is that I find a new favorite meal, and the worst case is that we have cereal for dinner (although, thankfully, it hasn’t come that).

Yes, there are times that I’ll look at a few recipes, for instance, if I know I need to get a certain consistency and am not sure how to go about it. Still, this is merely a consultation.

I never follow a singular recipe. Eff the rules and what anyone else thinks.

I prefer to have fun and trust my gut.

And if that goes awry? Oh well. Cereal is good too.