I Must Have Forgotten How Good It Felt

It’s easy to forget the most important things

I must have forgotten how smoothly my day went on the days I meditated. I must have forgotten the little miracles I attracted into my life on days when my mind was free of the burdens from the previous day. I must have forgotten how sane I felt throughout the day.

I forgot how effortlessly everything seemed. Like how the mail I was desperately waiting on would arrive at the last minute after meditating. I forgot how applications would suddenly get approved miraculously. Or how on those days, the grocery store would all of a sudden be stocked with my favorite gummy worms. On other days, I can never get my hands on them! I must have forgotten. I forgot how people were so much nicer to me because I was nicer to them on the days I meditated. I forgot the way they smiled at me while I walked to the cashier with my favorite gummy worms in my hands. I forgot.

I must have forgotten how smoothly my day went on the days I meditated.

I forgot how I would be worried the covid test results would be late but I meditated and then they would come in, right when I was getting ready for the flight.

I forgot how the man I’m in love with would text me after long periods of silence, right after I meditated. I really forgot how good that would make me feel.

I even forgot how happy it made my daughter. I forgot the look on her face when she woke up in the morning to see me peacefully just being. “My mommy is happy today,” she would tell her grandma. I must have forgotten the effect it had on her. She, too, wanted to feel happy so she would say, “I want to meditate too, mommy.”

I must have forgotten because I stopped meditating.

When I forgot, she also forgot.

I have good excuses for not meditating as I should. I was meditating twice a day before my life got incredibly busy. I have a 7year old now. That’s a lot of work and I have a coaching business to run. Also, I’ve been writing a book and doing a billion other things. I've been helping my brother get back on his feet. I've been helping my sister open her drugstore. I stopped because it was all too much. There is no time to meditate.

There’s always so much to do, but I didn’t realize that’s when I needed to meditate the most.

Because I stopped meditating, I lost my mind on many days. I’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed and stressed and frustrated with everything. I forgot how peaceful I felt on the days I tried to meditate.

I forgot that it didn’t have to be so hard.

I forgot that I didn’t have to sit still to meditate and I could do it while doing anything. I could meditate while washing dishes. I forgot the feeling of washing the dishes peacefully and mindfully while allowing my thoughts to flow with the water. And how I could envision the unwanted thoughts go down the drain with the dirty water.

I must have forgotten how good it felt.

I forgot that I could meditate while in the shower. Shower meditations are always some of the best meditation sessions. There are always so many brilliant thoughts and ideas, most of which are lost because there are always so many but still they were amazing.

I forgot I could even meditate on my daily walk along the river. I forgot I could meditate while listening to my favorite songs, or even while driving in complete silence.

I forgot that there are so many ways I could meditate without needing a mat. I forgot that I could sit, stand, or lie wherever comfortable, close my eyes, and just be. I forgot that I could meditate for five minutes before I fell asleep. Oh. I forgot.

I forgot how good it always felt. How good I always felt. I must have forgotten how awesome it felt watching my negative thoughts come and go without judgment. I forgot that no matter how hard life seemed, I could always wrap myself in my little blanket of peace and serenity.

I forgot that it didn’t have to be so hard. I didn’t have to sit still to meditate and I could do it while doing anything.

I forgot all of it, so life got to me. Life has made me stressed, worried, and anxious. The gummy worms are never there and peace eludes me.

But I woke up today, and I remembered everything. I remember how much I missed it. I remember how good it felt. I remember the many ways I can meditate when life gets busy. I remember now.

I remember it all and this time I will not forget.

Did meditation have something to do with my mail being delivered when I was getting worried it was lost? Did it have anything to do with my favorite snack being on the shelf when it hadn't been for so long? Did it make the lab technician send in my test results right on time before the flight?

Was it the reason applications miraculously got approved? Did meditation really make my love text me? Was it the cause of the good things that happened on the days that I meditated?

Who knows?

All I know is how effortlessly things went my way whenever I released expectations and resistance during meditation.