I Made My Student Quit Learning

And I do not regret it.

In my work, I talk to Japanese people and be their conversation partner to help them maintain their English skills.

While in my training days, it was highlighted that I should never initiate and talk about sensitive topics and that Japanese people are known to be shy and sensitive in certain issues such as religion, relationship status, and some other topics that might be trivial to many but touchy for them, and it is inevitable for them to ask personal questions. I do not mind it at all as long as the question is not derogatory.

In 2015, my third year in the industry, I met this 73-year-old O bāchan or grandma who changed my perspective towards Japanese people. She lives alone in a countryside area outside Tokyo and only talks to her chihuahua or tends to her garden, if not enjoying domestic travels. That is a common lifestyle for elderlies in the ageing society.

At first, she used to reserve my lesson twice a week. Then, it has become more frequent until I noticed that she does not book other teachers’ lessons anymore—just mine.

We became good friends. Well, just virtually and talked every day, an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Nobody visits her. Her children are all grown-ups and all living in the busy city of Tokyo, busy with their own family and career.

I really enjoyed talking to her and looked forward to our lesson every day. She told me her childhood memories, the post World War II, her experience living in London, her travels to many countries, and almost every single free-talk topic. All but one. She never told me about her beliefs. I also never brought that up.

We became comfortable with each other, which we should not. In 2016 she flew all the way from Japan to be in the Philippines. I was so happy to meet her finally. I invited her to our home, and my husband prepared lots of tropical fruits and a couple of Filipino dishes. She brought many Japanese souvenirs and goodies for my sons, such as Pokemon merchandise, matcha-flavoured cookies and candies, and many other cute pieces of stuff. She even gave me a Yukata, a Japanese kimono but only worn in the summer season.

She must have fallen in love with our city, that she even came back in 2017! We cooked gyoza together and chatted for long hours until dinner. I toured her to more places this time, including our city’s police station. She wanted to see the men in uniform with guns and personally thank the policewomen who accompanied her to the shopping mall during her first visit. Then she requested something that surprised me. She asked me to take her to church.

Then one night during our lesson, she suddenly asked me, “How do you pray?”

And before I could even speak to answer her good question, she continued, “And how did you come to believe in your Jesus?”

While I was answering her questions, at the back of my mind, I thought about how many Japanese people are atheists, and for sure, this person is one too.

To be honest, I was a little bit stunned after hearing those, and I tried to answer her questions in a way that is not anymore provoking follow-up questions, but she continued, “Why did you marry your Islam believer husband when you are a Christian?”, “Why do you always say ‘Thank God’ every time you tell me something good?” and “How do you keep your faith in your Jesus?”

I understood how she got so curious and all. In Japan, they do not follow a religion. They follow a trend, if not spirituality. On New Year’s day, they visit Shinto shrines to pray for their wellness and fortune. Then, they have the Bon festival, which is a Buddhist holiday. When they marry, they prefer a Christian or western style wedding and wear a white dress and suit, not the traditional kimono anymore. When someone dies, funeral ceremonies are in the Buddhist style.

Back to our conversation, I was astounded and didn’t know where or how to begin my answers, knowing that I myself am not a devout Christian. Well, yes, I am a Catholic, but I am not a perfect follower. I don’t go to church every Sunday, I swear when I’m angry and cannot recite Bible verses (though I read Bible stories to my kids), and admittedly, sometimes I don’t even pray and close my eyes to sleep without thanking Him for the day.

Strangely, I was able to answer all her questions, and I remember at the end of our lesson, she said, “Thank you so much, JJ-san, tonight I will try to pray before I go to bed.”

Then I asked, “ Why, of a sudden, you ask me all of those questions when we were only talking about how bad the internet connection in the Philippines is?”

Finally, she replied, “ I just thought that you look so happy with your family knowing that you don’t share the same religion with your husband and thought maybe I could be happier too if I’d be able to make friends with your Jesus.”

And there I was left almost speechless.

The next month, I waited for her name to appear on my reservation list, but she did not reserve my lessons. Days and weeks passed, not even a word from her.

Out of nowhere, she sent me an instant message. She said that she was sorry for not notifying me and that she had quit her student account, which means she quit to practice her English skills.

I asked, “Why?”

She answered, “I am now busy with my new Bible group, and I now go to church on Sundays.”

Then, she said many thank yous and finally said goodbye.

I was not sad when she said goodbye. I was just… relieved, and I do not even know why.

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Thanks a lot for taking the time to read. 💖