I Made a Deal with THE DEVIL

Summary

The author reflects on their complex relationship with alcohol, acknowledging the negative impact it has on their life, particularly on sleep and mental health, despite the initial perceived benefits of popularity and confidence.

Abstract

The author describes a long-standing struggle with alcohol, which began in adolescence as a means to gain popularity and confidence but has led to a series of negative consequences over time. Despite attempts to moderate their drinking by changing the type and timing of alcohol consumption, the author has come to realize that the drawbacks of drinking, such as disrupted sleep and hangovers, now outweigh the enjoyment once derived from it. As the author approaches their 50th birthday, they recognize the need to reevaluate their relationship with alcohol, as it no longer aligns with their current values and lifestyle, particularly the need for quality sleep and mental well-being.

Opinions

The author believes that alcohol has served as both a social crutch and a source of enjoyment but also acknowledges it as a destructive force in their life.
They admit to making poor choices while drinking, including jeopardizing friendships and facing legal consequences.
The author has attempted various strategies to continue drinking without the negative effects, such as avoiding hard liquor and drinking earlier in the day.
They express a clear understanding that the negative effects of alcohol, especially

I Made a Deal with THE DEVIL

Recognizing that you’re not having fun anymore, can be the hardest part.

I tend to return to the topic of drinking quite a bit, because well, drinking is what I know. In fact, the first piece I wrote on Medium was about laying off the sauce.

I’ve been on and off the wagon so many times you’d think I was an Oregon Trail pioneer.

Alcohol is The Devil I made that deal with way back in the 8th grade.

The deal? I’d get to be popular, I’d gain confidence, I’d get the girls I wanted, and I’d get laid.

The price? I’d fuck over friends, I’d spend nights in jail, I’d pay thousands in DUI fees, and I’d compromise my mental health.

Admittedly, I’m struggling with alcohol these days, but not in the traditional sense.

Alcohol is not ruining my life, I’m not going broke, and I’m not losing my job or family. I haven’t had that DUI since I was 21 years old, my only one.

I’ve never even been a daily drinker, but I have wasted too much of my life waiting for Friday.

My relationship with alcohol has changed quite a bit over the last few years.

I’ve tried to change the way I drink, the amount I drink, the time I drink, and even the food I eat while drinking.

I even stopped taking shots about 2 years ago and gave up hard liquor altogether, for the most part.

Now that particular change was huge! I said goodbye to those miserable blackouts, by far the worst consequence of excessive drinking.

Nowadays I’m sticking to beer and wine, so in a nutshell, I’ve tried to do anything I can to continue drinking.

Alcohol for me is like that side chick you (YES YOU) can’t break it off with, even though you know it/she’s bad for you.

All that trial and error drinking I’ve been doing adds up to one simple fact: The party is over. The consequences after a night of drinking, finally outweigh any of the fun I have while I’m drinking.

What are these consequences I’m referring to? I believe people nowadays call it your sleep hygiene.

If I drink anywhere close to bedtime, my sleep is absolutely ruined. A shitty night’s sleep equals a hangover from hell, and YES, of course I’ve tried switching to day drinking, don’t be ridiculous!

Day drinking rarely ends during the day.

This destruction of my REM sleep is nothing new, the difference is, I’m older now and I care about, no I NEED, a good night’s sleep!

Consequently, while drinking with my buddies and supposedly enjoying myself, I’m thinking about my ruined sleep and hangover to come.

It wasn’t always like this of course. The hangovers came with the territory and though they always sucked, they were worth it.

I’ll be 50 in a few weeks and let me state the obvious, hangovers simply hit differently now. Mentally, they can last 2/3 days if you really tie one on.

People who don’t love to drink will not understand, and I don’t expect them to. Just quit, they’ll say contemptuously.

When you’ve been partying almost all of your life, when all of your friends and most of your family drink, it gets tricky.

This shit becomes a huge part of your life if you aren’t careful, and I wasn’t careful. In fact it’s no exaggeration to say that I’m lucky to be alive.

When I finally give it up completely, I’ll be saying goodbye to a lot of friends. After all, who wants to be sober around a bunch of drunks, they’re annoying as shit!

I fell in love with booze when I was about 16 and the pain that followed was nothing compared to the confidence, the escape, the parties, and the popularity that came with it.

Lately though, besides ruining my sleep, I’m starting to wake up bummed out after drinking, and sometimes for no reason. My mind and body are clearly trying to tell me it’s done.

I think I’ll listen this time. I’ve been headed in this direction (kicking and screaming) for years now. I just need to figure out other ways to enjoy myself without a proper buzz.

It’s about time I put these guns in the ground anyway. I can’t shoot them anymore.

(Bobby D said that, in case you want to get me for plagiarism)