I‘m Really Not Interested in Meeting a Divorced Man in a Bar

Am I the only divorced woman who feels this way?

“It’s not easy to meet someone at this age,” I say.

“I get it,” says my friend.

We are fresh out of the Barbie movie, sporting the appropriate wardrobe and looking to have a drink. If you haven’t seen this pink phenom head to the theater.

It’s so good.

It’s childhood meets womanhood.

We head into a restaurant but it’s low energy and it’s Saturday night so we keep walking. We end up going into a bar that I like to call the bad effects of divorce.

I’m not insulting divorced people…I’m one of them.

I just don’t dig this smarmy-type of prowl environment.

I don’t want to be a hater. A dater hater or a bar hater.

But the bar scene just isn’t the same in mid-life.

In our twenties, the bar scene was a plethora of beauty and hope. It was an exciting and appealing youthful exchange. And as far as numbers go, the odds were well in our favor.

You had a real chance of running into a man.

Not just any guy but the man of your dreams.

My friend is married and she’s having fun searching the crowd on my behalf.

“This isn’t a great place to meet a guy,” I say.

“You never know,” she says.

My friend is an optimist. She continues to scan the room. It doesn’t take her long to realize it’s slim pickings at this age. It’s even worse in a bar. Bars tend to house a younger crowd.

“Am I being a complete pessimist?” I say. “Do I think it could happen somewhere like a bar? It’s not impossible but it’s not likely either.”

“Maybe just try online dating,” she says.

“Bar flirting is not so attractive at our age, is it?” I say with a laugh.

We spy a few older people around us.

It’s not as enticing seeing singles flirting as if decades haven’t robbed us of this luxury far better suited for pre-nipped and tucked botoxed bods.

Again, I don’t want to be a hater.

A dater hater or a bar hater.

I’m the quintessential life of the party. I love going out. But the divorced guys I’ve run into in bars give me (relatively speaking) the creeps.

Okay, that might be a little dramatic.

But it feels like a Saturday Night Live skit.

The stereotypical divorced man meets the stereotypical divorced woman.

One is looking for sex and the other is looking for security. I don’t mean this in a sexist manner. I am a divorced woman and I’m not looking for security. But if you witness some of these bar exchanges they seem like the seedier side of divorce.

Like maybe what makes divorce look unattractive to most people.

It feels like the bar man is looking for a quick conquest, not a real relationship.

Scratch that. Dating doesn’t have to be deep. It can be a fun adventure with someone new. I’m completely open to that. I”m not sure I want a serious entanglement.

But maybe some type of happy in between.

To be fair, it is a bar.

And maybe guys have been looking for the same thing since our twenties.

But back then, there were lots of other guys who weren’t. I”m sure in our twenties the bars were also filled with girls looking for a ‘ring in the spring.’

But there were also plenty who weren’t.

The dating field seemed to be more evenly distributed back then.

Plus, if I’m being completely honest, the bar man reminds me of my ex-husband.

He’s the guy who went to a bar every night of the week after our divorce was finalized. It’s a hard image to shake. It felt like a desperate man seeking a drink and a woman to drink with him.

I don’t want to be a hater.

A dater hater or a bar hater.

But there’s something about a crowd of us divorced men and women bellying up to the bar for a life do-over that feels desperate. Again, I might be jaded. It might be because it reminds me of my ex.

I don’t want to meet bar guy.

A bar is like an advertisement for the divorced woman’s singles shortage.

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